Nothing will be the same

I stare at my reflection in the windshield. I can see where the tears streaked my face. Who am i? Im nobody. Im just an ugly bitch and i dont deserve him. I rest my elbows on my lap and bury my face in my hands. What have i done. I sit there and sob for a moment. When i look back at my reflection i notice that my mascara was completely ruined. At that moment i realized nothing will be the same.


8. How i ruined my college experience (part 1)

I stepped onto the toilet for a whole body image in the mirror. I was wearing a black high waisted jeans with a tight navy blue crop top that revealed about an inch in between the two pieces of clothing. The polka dotted Keds I had on gave me a warm familiar feeling. I added a dark snapback, slightly slanted upwards. It was a little out of my comfort zone but it was time to try new things! At least my makeup was the same...

I grabbed my phone and keys and walked out the door before I could change my mind and throw on my batman hoodie. I was wearing my brother Owen's girlfriend's clothes. Since I had no money, she loved sending me her old clothes that didn't fit her. Some of her clothes I loved, like the Love Pink jacket and all sorts of expensive Hollister clothing I could never afford. But others... I didn't have as much of a desire for them, kind of like what I'm wearing now. She said one of these times, she's going to come up here and take me shopping. 

I tried to cover the part of my torso that was bare. This was far from my usual T-shirt.


Pulling into the same spot as last time gave me a buzz. I don't know why, it just did. Maybe I'm just excited about being here again. Other than the incident and the rest after that, I had a lot of fun. Maybe I'll even get to chat with Darcy. I climbed out of the car and felt the cool, chilly, fall breeze on my skin. Shivering a tad, I scampered into the little building. 

The familiar scent danced around my nose. The cigarette smoke sat in a cloud near the ceiling. I looked at the haze in disgust and quickly looked for Louis. I know I've done some bad things, but smoking cigarettes... no hurts my head just thinking about it. My nose cringes at the intense smell.  

"Megs! Over here!" I hear someone call. I look over and am happy to see a friendly face. 

I walk over to the table where Louis greets me. It was the same booth as the other day. I give him a half hug and sat down, scooting to let Louis in. Across from me was Perrie and next to her was Zayn. Her hair was just thrown up but it looked absolutely perfect. She was also only wearing a little mascara. Did Lou say 'A break from fame' or a lazy day, because I'm a little confused. I feel super dolled up compared to her. 

"Hi, I'm Meagan! Or Megs, its your choice," I introduce myself to Perrie. She gave me a warm, welcoming smile. 

"Hey there! I'm Perrie. It's a pleasure to meet you Megs!" She says, cheerfully. Finally someone calls me by my preferred name! 

My arms wrap around the lack of clothing on my stomach. I felt so.. so naked compared to their sweats and hoodies. 

"Eleanor might tag along later," Lou told me. Well she's a model so hopefully I won't look like I was the only one who didn't know we could wear our pajamas. A man covered head to toe in colorful ink came over to our booth. 

"Hey guys! How's your night tonight?" He says pulling a notepad and pen out of his pocket. 

"It's pretty good, thanks for asking!" Zayn answers. 

"What can I get you?" 

I sat there awkwardly waiting for someone to answer but no one did. I put my hands on my lap. I was more uncomfortable than I could imagine, "Are you guys gonna order?" 

"He already has ours," Lou informed me. Wait, what? 

"Oh, I'll just have this," I pointed at the drink on my coaster. I have know idea what it is. I just didn't want to waste time. 

Within a few moments later, our drinks were given to us. 

They continued to chat as I slurped up the alcoholic drink. It burned my throat. It was an unfamiliar taste, disgusting almost. I drank it anyways. Soon the conversation turned towards me. They're all so nice and sweet. 

"So what brings you to London?" Perrie fiddled with her bun. I messed with the button on my pants before answering. 

"Well I'm starting college in a few days," I told them. Personally I wanted college to come faster. I liked that these guys enjoyed having me around, and dont get me wrong... I think they're pretty cool, but we have to many awkward silences. I'm not used to talking to celebrities, let alone hanging out with them. 

"Really? Thats great! What are you gonna study?" Zayn asked. Art. I want to be an artist. Should i say something that sounded more professional? 

"Well I want to be an artist..." I say quietly. 

"An artist? Really?" I felt my stomach twitch. I sat there stirring my drink, avoiding eye contact and the embarrassment of looking up. Lou tapped my shoulder. I looked at him without thinking. 

"Next time let Zayn finish," He smiled. I looked over at Zayn. I started to blush as I realize my habit of jumping to conclusion was acting up. How could I keep letting it get the best of me?

"As I was going to say, artists are cool! I consider myself an artist. I actually have a graffiti room in my house!" Zayn put his arm around Perrie. A whole room in his house! Just for graffiti! Thats crazy cool! 

"A graffiti room! That sounds awesome!" I sit up straight forgetting my insecurities. I can picture the room now. The walls tagged from the ceiling to the floor. Random stuff on the ground. Its what I picture as heaven. 

"Oh it is!" Lou and Perrie say at the sane time. We all laugh. Zayn started explaining how he had to get his own house because his mother wouldn't let him have one. Lou and Perrie have most likely why they were both tweeting most of the time. 

Soon I found that I was really enjoying myself. Lou looked around and then at his phone and then around again. His grin grew as I noticed a beautiful girl with dark hair walk up. She stopped at the table and Lou scooted in. She pecked him on the cheek and sat down. Eleanor. I was relieved that she was wearing a dress and some really high high heels. 

"Hey guys, sorry I'm late," She said, sipping Louis's drink. She looked over at me and smiled, "You must be Meagan. Louis told me you were coming!"

"Yep that's me!" I say and pulled my drink closer. I had barely touched it. I began to guzzle it down as Eleanor talked about work. I noticed Perrie's drink was to thick to be alcohol. 

"What is that?" I ask her, poking the glass. She took a sip of it before speaking, "It's a strawberry milkshake. I don't drink so... This is what I get instead."

"They have milkshakes!? What! I want one!" I say, making her giggle. I finish off the rest of my drink and Zayn orders me another. Perrie told me about the other girls of Little Mix while she snuggled with Zayn's arm. Louis was whispering things into Eleanor's ear. Um... forever alone much. The pain of me and Tanner's break up suddenly overwhelms me. 

My drink arrives and i don't hesitate to gulp it down. 

"Whoa slow down hot rod!" Eleanor laughs. My throat burns as the last of the liquid slips into my system. I slam the glass down on the table making Zerrie jump. Oof. My head was starting to spin and I wanted - wait no, needed - more! 

"Another one! Can i get another?" I ask and Lou calls the waiter over. Louis tells him to get another for me. Perrie watches me closely while finishing off the milkshake. The waiter returned a dew minutes later with my drink in his hand. When he set it down I realized that it was twice the size of the last drink. I came to my senses and took my time on this one. 

"I have to pee like no other!" I waved Louis and Eleanor out of the booth. As soon as i stood up I lost my balance. Falling on my butt, I started laughing like crazy. The stares they gave me only made me laugh harder. I started to roll around on the floor and I totally forgot why i was laughing. 

"Um... Is she ok?" Zayn asked. I stopped laughing and got up. I brushed myself off. 'Be professional' I thought to myself. I steadied myself by grabbing the table. 

"Oh my!" I giggle. The room was spinning. The bathroom was all the way on the other side of the bar. I began to walk when i started to tip over again. Eleanor rushed over and grabbed my arm. Everyone else started snickering. Its clearly noticeable that I've never had whatever that was before. 

"Me or Perrie should take her to the ladies room," Eleanor put her free hand on my back as if that was gonna stop me from falling. 

"I'll take her!" Perrie scrambled over Zayn. She seemed almost excited to take me. Her slippers made her slide over to me. 

"C'mon. After you pee we can get you cleaned up," 

Cleaned up?

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