My Heart's Crying For Love.

Harry has a secret Tumblr blog and no one knows about it. Harry uses his blog to post about how much he hate himself and about his suicide attempts. Louis and Harry aren't talking like they used to. Harry's broken and it's up to Louis to pick up the pieces. What happens when Louis finds Harry's Tumblr? Will Louis try to save his best friend? Will everything go back to normal? Louis and Harry's love is about to be put on a long journey through hatred and tears. And will their love survive in the end?

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1. I'm not good enough.

~Harry's POV~   

 

Everything's falling apart and no ones noticing how bad I'm hurting. I hate myself so much. The past months have been hell. Ever since Simon found out I have feelings for Louis I've been locked up in my room. My days go with hurting myself and being on Tumblr. I guess it's the only place people won't judge me. I've got a secret account where I post sad quotes or photos of my cuts or suicide attempts. I've tried to commit four times but I'm just a big fat failure! I can't even do that right. I stopped eating a long time ago because Louis one day called me a fat pig. I guess he didn't mean it like that but it was enough to hurt. 

 

 I got out of bed to take a shower. I can't remember the last time I showered and you can defiantly smell that. I stripped out of my pajamas bottoms and boxers. I let the warm water run down my body. I just stood there with my eyes closed not even moving. I stood like that for a couple of minutes before opening my eyes and grabbing my blade from a pencil sharpener. I slit the blade across my skin in a slow movement making a clean and deep cut. I repeated the previous action six times before putting it down. I let the blood drip down onto the wet bathroom floor making the water red.    I turned the water off and grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my waist. I found a bandage and wrapped it gently around my wrist. I took my dirty clothes and put it over my wrist in case I would run into Louis on my way to my room. I gently opened the door and looked around before stepping out of the bathroom. I was almost at my door when I heard a door open behind me.

 

"Shit." I whispered. 

 

"Harry..?" A voice gently asked from behind. I slowly turned around to look at him. The small boy standing just a few feet away from me.

 

"Please come down and get some dinner?" He asked pleadingly.   

 

"I'm not hungry." I simply said.  

 

"Harry please-"   

 

"I said I'm not hungry!" I snapped and walked into my room and slammed the door shut. I threw the clothes on the floor and let myself fall onto the mattress. I didn't want to move but it was rather cold in my room so I stood up and grabbed a pair of boxers and a jumper Louis used to wear. I held the fabric close breathing in his scent.   

 

Something deep inside me suddenly got free. I tore the jumper apart while screaming and crying. I grabbed my massive mirror and threw on the floor making it brake into a million pieces. I fell to my knees making the glass connect with my soft skin. I cried out in pain not only because of the glass but also because he doesn't love me. He loves Eleanor not me! She's so skinny and flawless and I'm fat and one big flaw. He'll never love someone like me when he has her. I buried my face in my hands. I could feel the blood running down my thighs. I looked at my knees and there were glass all over. I tried to get it out but my hands were shaking too much. I started to panic a bit. I needed help to get the pieces out.

 

"LOUIS!!!" I shouted as loud as I could. I could hear footsteps running up the stairs. Suddenly a shadow appeared in the door.   

 

"Oh Haz what have you done?" He asked almost crying.  

 

"I-I... It was an accident..." I whispered not really trusting my voice. I could make out a few tears run down his cheeks in the dark. He walked over to me carefully and reached out for my hand but I didn't take instead I put my hands down and pushed myself up getting some glass stuck in my hands. I walked out of the room and into the bathroom sitting on the closed toilet seat. Louis kneeled down to get a better look at my knees. He gently started to take pieces of shattered glass out of me.   

 

A small whimper left my lips as the last piece of glass were pulled out of my hand. "H-Haz what happened to your wrist?" He asked nervously. I didn't answer him.  "C-can I see?" He stuttered. He gently unwrapped the bandage around my wrist. When he got to the cuts a sob left his mouth.   "Why?" He asked carefully. I pulled my hand away from his.   

 

"It's none of your business! I don't need your pity!" I yelled at him. It only made the tears run faster down his cheeks. I got up and walked out of the bathroom but a hand stopped me. "What?" I snapped.   

 

"What is wrong with you?" He asked a bit braver. "I just want to help you.." He whispered.  

 

"You can't help me! I don't need you to feel sorry for me! I don't need you Louis Tomlinson!" I screamed. I knew I had hit just right. His face was filled with shock and hurt. A raspy sob left his lips and he just looked at me.    I couldn't bare to look at how much I've hurt him so I just turned around and made my way into my room and slammed the door shut.

 

I sat down on my bed with my laptop in my lap. I easily found Tumblr and wrote a little post. 'He doesn't understand.. He never will.' I pushed the computer away from me and crawled down under my duvet. I soon fell asleep afterwards.

 

    

 

 

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