i wonder what life is...

Emily is 16 year old girl that have been thru a lot.
She gets bullied everywhere, cuts herself, and the worst is always coming next. “Why me god?”
Her biggest dream is our smallest. She never wanted more than a normal life. Her parents are divorced, and she lives with her mum that is married again to a man that forbids her to spend a lot of time with her children. Emily’s brother is one of the most “popular” kids at school, so he don’t care about his sister even when people bully her. She wonders what LIFE is because she thinks her, is HELL…


3. chapter 3

it was now Sunday after noon. i was worried about my hand. i wanted to take off the bandage because it won't be obvious but mum  didn't let me. i'm gonna get bullied at tomorrow. again. people would do anything to get me into trouble or insult me. i took my phone and continued reading a story. i'v been reading it since a month. it's a biography about a girl, just like me, that harms her self and she says she got out of all this thing. i wanted to too, but i can't. i'v tried many times, but i failed. OH MY GOD. speaking of biography. my french homework. i didn't do it. great. now i have 2 reasons to get bullied at. the worst part is that if someone else hasn't done their homework all they get is a : it's okay you'll only get a punishment. but if I don't they'll treat me like a... let's just say in  an unfair way.

I watched my black guitar standing on my wall. I wanted to play but I couldn't.  The only way to calm myself down is either by playing on my guitar or self-harming. but at the moment I wasn't able to do any of theseI felt bad and wanted to cry my eyes out.

*** I was running and looking behind me every 2 to 3 steps I made. every thing was dark I wanted to make sure they weren't close enough to catch me, but they were close though. my hair was flying as I run faster and it was blocking my view. until I stumbled and fell to the ground. my heart was racing. I could hear it beating. my whole body was shaking, I was about to freak out. I wanted to get up but something pushed me back to the ground by my shoulder. toughly. I got terrified. they reached me. I raised my head slowly and my eyes widened at the view of...***

I woke up frightened breathing heavily. i placed my hand on my forehead pulling my hair up and wiping my sweat. what just happened? then i realized it was just a nightmare. i'v been having this same one from about a month, basically every week. i was never able to see the ending. who are they? what do they want? this was so confusing. i take a look at my cell phone and found out it was 1:00 am and nothing could put me back to sleep. i plugged my ear phones in my ears and started my favorite playlist on my phone.

RIIIIING. my alarm clock rang. good thing my phone battery had died at night other wise i would have still been sleeping. i stood and got ready for school. i looked at my self for one last time staring at my banded arm and thinking what could happen worst than usually. i asked mum to drive me to school today because i didn't feel well. as always i arrived to school before the bell rings 2 to 3 minutes so i barely had time to bring my books and go to class. I was in a hurry and running so I can make it in time, nobody noticed. that was a good beginning. I had English first, so practically I had enough time to write anything for my French homework. however, once i arrived to class, i took my usual seat and tried to avoid all the stares i was getting. i got nervous. if only i could escape ad reach my knife, but i couldn't, and it was hitting me on my nerves. i started shaking my leg and crossed my arms staring at the blank pretending not to hear all there giggles and silly comments. it seriously hurt. for the first time of my life i was praying the bell  never rings, but at my thoughts it rang. i knew what was waiting for me. i ran through the hall quickly facing the floor hoping no one would recognize me. but how didn't they?

"hey little whore, fell off while having sex?" that was Jack. i can recognize his thick voice and heavy British accent every where. would would believe that i once loved that jerk? he is so horrible ! he didn't even say it quietly, he had to take everyone's attention to show how "cool" he is. everybody laughed out loud. i can't even see what's the funny thing about it ! i tried to ignore it, but once again he said: "i bet he was only using you, no one wants you anyways..!" this was really hurtful. i felt spikes in my heart but i couldn't show it. i can't show them my weakness because it will only make them stronger and me even weaker. i wanted to run away and collapse in tears as i always do. but i thought again this time. i took a step back, turned around to face Jack and said: "you know what Jack? no, this is not what happened, and it is none or anyone else's business! why don't you all have a break from bothering me? is it that fun? would you like me to bully you every single day?" i was now raising my voice and i felt my face turning bright red. everything i was holding back these past few years...i let it all out. i felt something off my chest and it felt good but didn't last long.


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