i wonder what life is...

Emily is 16 year old girl that have been thru a lot.
She gets bullied everywhere, cuts herself, and the worst is always coming next. “Why me god?”
Her biggest dream is our smallest. She never wanted more than a normal life. Her parents are divorced, and she lives with her mum that is married again to a man that forbids her to spend a lot of time with her children. Emily’s brother is one of the most “popular” kids at school, so he don’t care about his sister even when people bully her. She wonders what LIFE is because she thinks her, is HELL…

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1. chapter 1

Emily's pov

i placed my head on my soft pillow, basically my best friend, and murmured the same thing, every night. "why me,god?" tears in my eyes, i finally fell asleep. the best time of the day, my day. where no one can shout in your face or disrespect you. it's the only time you get to think deeply about your self and imagine your life the way you want it to be, not the way it is...

i woke up the next morning feeling dizzy, nothing new. it was still 6 am. i thought i had school then i realized it was Saturday. 

my best day ever. i never come out of my room unless i need to grab something from another room. i have a solitary life, not the best. i wish i could go and socialize with other teenagers, go to the movies, to the park... but there's a tiny little problem. no one wants me. everywhere i go i get bullied.

It all started when I was in grade 8…

I was walking with my two ex-best-friends Sandy and Candice going towards our lunch table as usual. Sandy had a crush on this boy called Justin Dunkin. Basically, everybody knew that. He was one of the most popular and cute guys at school. Well, I had a crush on him too, but I never told anyone about it. That day, I swear I could see him checking me out like all the time. Everybody noticed and Sandy didn’t seem to like it. I acted as if I didn’t care or even notice, but I did. And It was like the best feeling ever. When the bell rang I went to my locker to bring my books and a note fell. There wasn’t any name on it. It just said: “meet me by the cafeteria at the end of the day, alone xx” that was weird, but I could tell it was Justin, I hope. I was so nervous the whole math period and wondering if I should tell Sandy and Candice about this note or not. I finally decided not to because if it was Justin I’ll be in so much trouble with Sandy and if I tell Candice she could be despicable and tell Sandy about it. Yeah. That was the right choice. I thought.

I did as I was told to, and went to the cafeteria. And there was 50% of what I expected. Justin was waiting me there.  i stared in his eyes for some seconds then he said : "i like you..." he didn't let me say another word he lent and kissed me. it was my first kiss. pretty good actually. while i was leaving, i was checking out every corner to make sure no one was there, but i spotted someone. a girl. is was Candice. i know it was her. i can recognize her sharp brown hair anywhere. i hoped she didn't see anything. but Apparently, she did. when i was back home, neither Sandy or her texted me witch was unusual. i tried to call Sandy but she wouldn't answer any of my calls. i would have said that her little brother is playing with her phone like always, but she was online on whatsapp. that was shocking. i remembered finally when i saw Candice after that kiss. i started thinking that she might have seen everything and told Sandy about it. She would do it. Candice is really despicable. the next day at school everyone was looking at me like i'v killed someone. some were murmuring words like slut, bitch...and i wasn't sure if they were throwing them at me. i went to Sandy and Candice but all i got is a slap on my face, in the middle of the hall. i had an O on my face. 

"HOW COULD YOU?" Sandy said. i looked at Candice and she had a grin on her face. i replied with tears in my eyes " i never told you about it but i had a crush on him too. and it was my chance"...

since that day, no one would be my friend thinking that i might do to them as i did in grade 8 and every one bully me for the silliest and smallest reasons. it's funny how 1 minute could change your life.\ it's 11:00 am. i fell asleep after i woke up at 6 am. i had tons of homework to do so i started with my French homework. i had to write an auto-biography about my life. what was i supposed to write about my self? i felt frustrated so i went to my closet and took my knife. that's what i always use to calm my frustrations. yes. i cut my self. that's why i rarely wear tops that shows too much of my hands. i cut, blood was streaming down my hand, but more than it usually does. I was loosing a lot of blood. but  I didn't care. I felt dizzy, and had a headache. I stared at all this blood and...I fainted 

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