I Was Never The Hero

RusAme fanfic. Rated yellow because I honesly have no idea what I'm going to throw into this story. Please love it to death. :)

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1. Alone is the Only Feeling I Know


 

Look at me. At first glance, can you tell who I am? You'll notice my height and size first, and once you get over your fear, you can start noticing the little details. My long coat. My shoulder length silver-blonde hair. The scarf that I always wear, no matter the occasion. You might even catch me at a moment where I am smiling. But have you really even scratched the surface of what lies under? The other countries have probably told you some things about me. I'm a sadist. Overbearing. Evil. But you are probably still curious. What really makes Russia, Russia? What do I hide under this appearance I uphold for everyone around me? Think of one word to describe me. Any word, based on my appearance alone. Scary. Handsome. Cold. Dark. But there's only one word you should be thinking.

 

Lonely. 

 

No matter who was at my side or under my roof, they always left. My sisters, the people who I thought were my friends. Was I too scary? Too overbearing? So many questions to ask, but no answers can be found. I drown my worries and past regrets in the vodka I hold so dear to me. It's the only thing I can rely on anymore. I wander around the empty house, ready to see someone smile at me, or make a joke. I would even daydream about my little sister, Belarus, coming back to force me to marry her. I would even take that than be like this. 

 

Have you figured me out yet?

 

Do you ever wish that you were something that you're not? Hah, if only I could tell you of how many times I've dreamed of different places, different times, a different me. Many people salivate over the idea of being a country, but they never really get to understand anything. I have been alive for centuries, and have never once forgotten the feeling of loneliness. Some days I don't bother to get out of bed. Why should I? I have no friends to see. My family left me. 

 

Nothing will ever change. 

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