Midnight Memories

I dont just want to know you. "He said,his lips pressed against my ear, sending ripples of pleasure down to my fingertips. "I want to know about you." I trembled under his touch, his soft yet big and rough hands so gentle against my bare shoulder.

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24. Chapter 22

He stares at me, like I've grown a second head, he goes to touch me but quickly pulls away. 

"You what?" 

"It not what you think, Harry. I thought-I thought you were dying." He scoots away from me, I don't know what to say, I can't even finish my sentence before I'm crying into my hands trying to keep calm. 

"How could you do that, and this whole time you just left me in the dark. How long? How long has it been?"

"It was the first week, they said you weren't going to pull through and Connor had just died and I didn't have anyone, not like I should and he was there."

"So you cheated on me?"

"No, I was hurting."

"This whole fucking time you've been hurting, you've been blaming it on him. You're just like your mother."

"I am nothing like her! I was hurting Harry."

"Don't use that as an excuse. When I'm hurting do I run off and have sex with engaged women? He knew and he just laughed in my fucking face." 

"Harry, please." I throw myself over him and try to get a grip around his neck. I shouldn't of told him here, now but I didn't want him to keep going on thinking he was helpless. Yes I know I'm guilty, I've been guilty since before I could remember and that's why he keeps appearing to me, he's telling me I'm not good enough for him. I was good enough for Connor but Connor wasn't Harry. He wasn't understanding and sweet and lovable like Harry and now I've ruined him. I won't be able to patch this up not this time, not after the thing with Brett. 

He pulls my arms away and stares at me in horror. 

"I beat myself up over everything and you let me."

"I'm sorry, I really am but you have to forgive me."

"I don't know what to do with you but forgiveness is not one of them. You should get out." 

"What? Harry I'm going home with you."

"Get out!" He snaps sending me reeling for the door handle. I step out and watch the color drain from Louis' face and he slips down into the car. I've never felt so empty but so full all at once. I'm a horrible person that's evident but it wasn't all me, I was going crazy and I didn't know what to do and I know that's not an excuse but I don't what to say. The car that turns into a small dot has now disappeared along with any hope of the situation I thought I would control. 

Harry's P.O.V

 

"How could she cheat on me. You don't understand how that feels." I yell to Zayn whose sitting across from me next to Louis. He clears his throat raising an eyebrow.

"Sorry, I forgot. How did you get over it? How do you look at her the same way?"

"Well, you loved her before the incident, didn't you?" I nod. "Well jsut think of her as the person she was before she cheated, it was one mistake and if you can't get over that than you never really loved her." Did I ever love her? Cause right now it doesn't feel like it. I feel betrayed and hatred towards her for letting this stunt go on for as long as it did. 

Of course I love her. I would do anything for her, but forgiving he for something this? Could I? Is it worth it, to keep going through all of this shit with her only to be recycled. I feel my phone buzz in my pocket for the tenth time in the past hour. Her name is written on the screen and I contemplate answering it. 

"Hello?" I say putting it to me ear.

"Harry."

"What?"

"I'm so glad you answered." 

"Yeh well."

"I'm a mess. I know that, I'm stupid. I really am but you can't ignore me we have to talk about this."

"There is nothing to talk about!"

"Harry please!" 

"What? Go ahead. There is nothing you can tell me that will change my mind." 

"Nothing." I feel Zayn's eyes on me and his sympathy for her. 

"Just call tomorrow. We'll talk then." 

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