Midnight Memories

I dont just want to know you. "He said,his lips pressed against my ear, sending ripples of pleasure down to my fingertips. "I want to know about you." I trembled under his touch, his soft yet big and rough hands so gentle against my bare shoulder.


23. Chapter 21

" She's just, healing." I hear Harry say to Louis who has been sitting in my room for more than three hours trying to coax me out of here. I've given up looking at him, it only brings me to tears. Ever day has been me trying not to cry. My walls are breaking and I can't seem to patch them up. Every piece of glue is taken from me with every heart wrenching nightmare. I dare not call my mother and tell her she'll find someway to pin this on me like she did my father all those days ago. I am turning into a shell of my former shell and it seems selfish but the process won't stop, as many times as I tell myself to keep it together I can't. 

I can hear Harry whispering quietly now and finally he emerges back into the room. 

"Hey." He says. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I shrink back pulling my legs to my chest and watch as he carefully slides closer wrapping his arms around my body. "We're gonna go okay?"

"Go where?"

"With Louis." Louis walks behind Harry and they both keep their eyes on me.

"Where?" He stays quiet and looks back toward Louis who stands quiet. 

"To see Eleanor." I look at him for validation but he doesn't move.

"Okay." I say and he helps me from the bed, and out of the room without even a change of clothes. I'm not really self conscious about what I'm wearing. I know that Louis' house is nothing to get dressed up for and neither is the drive there. I want to snap out of my mood but something has broken inside of me, the countless hours of sleep I've missed doesn't help much and the way Harry has been so distant doesn't either. I know he's keeping distant so he won't say the wrong thing but I need him more than ever. I press my forehead to the window and let the wanted sleep take over. 

"Quiiny, we're here." Harry says shaking my shoulder. I want to stay here with my hot forehead against the cold window, bring him into my arms and sleep with him for eternity, but that's not an option. 

"Quiin." He says again and this time I sit up. My parent's house stretches out in front of me and my heart starts to race. 

"What are we doing here."

"You need our mother."

"Harry no."

"Quiin, I'm sorry but you do!" I look away from him and watch the front door swing open. She waves to us and smiles. I don't want to be anywhere near her right now, I can't believe he brought me here. 

"I'm not going in." 

"Don't but, you two are talking." He steps out of the car and shuts it behind him, but soon it's open again and she slides in replacing him. 

"Hey, baby girl." She smiles. "Harry said you wanted to talk."

"Not really." She clears her throat and lays her hand on top of mine but I pull away. 

"Don't do that."

"I haven't seen you in months. I miss you."

"I don't want to talk to you."

"He told me about the dreams. Honey, you need to talk about some of the stuff you're holding in. It's not healthy."

"Well I'm not going to talk to you!" I snap. "All my life you've been this shadow that I've been to afraid to speak against and when I finally get happy you want to do everything in your power to break it. You're a horrible woman and I don't want to see you." She stays quiet for what seems like hours, and then she speaks all at once. 

"I'm sorry about everything. If I could take it back I would. You don't know what it's like to be married to your father. He's an abusive man, I've never told you but he is and I was just so frightened  to tell him to let you be free. I'm sorry, from when you were younger that's all I've wanted. You're my little girl and I love even if you hate me." She wipes the tears falling from her eyes. "I really wish you would talk to some if not me. I want you to get better." She takes a deep breath and finally steps out of the car. 

"I don't hate you." I say opening my door and stepping out. "I could never hate you but, I really hate you, if that makes sense.I hate you for defending him and for taking this long to tell me this and rejecting Harry." she goes to speak but stays quiet and Louis and Harry share glances. 

"I'm not just going to say I forgive you and then rainbows and "you're my mother again." You hurt me when I was at my most vulnerable and you kicked me afterward and I have nothing more to say to you but-I don't hate you." I grab the handle and open the door, her arms wrap around me and tightens until I'm sure I'll pop. 

"I'm so thankful for you." She kisses my cheek and lets me get back into the car. I hear the all to familiar whispering and Harry slides in beside me. 

"I'm sorry for bringing you here, I just didn't know where to go and you're scaring me. I don't want to loose you, so if you won't talk to her can you talk to me." He stays quiet and I stay quiet, contemplating whether to tell him or not. 

"Say something."

"You should of just talked to me in the first place besides dragging me here. I'm not trying to be like this but, I have to tell you something." 

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