Diana

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  • Published: 21 Sep 2013
  • Updated: 25 Jun 2014
  • Status: Complete
~A girl once told me to be careful when trying to fix a broken person For you may cut yourself on their shattered pieces~

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19. Losing The Battle

Diana POV

 

I had been hanging out with Scarlett and Kriss for most of the day and I was enjoying it. They suggested to go shopping but I wasn't one for that setting. They kindly respected my decision and suggested the park instead. Of course I obliged.

 

We were all on the swings in a row just lazily moving our legs back and forth with little effort. I wanted to spark up a conversation to let the awkward in between us dissipate but I couldn't think of anything. My anxiety was going up just thinking that they were judging me from afar. Talking in their heads about how I don't "fit in" or how I'm so "different." But then again, that's just in my own head. Always assuming the worse and expecting the least.

 

"So Diana, what's with you and Liam?" I turned my head to the left to find a cascaded length of pitch black hair with a voice behind it.

 

"What do you mean?" I was trying my best to protrude my quizzical inflection to show that I really wasn't catching on to what she was implying.

 

"I mean what are you guys?"

 

"Humans..?" I said with a laugh hoping to lighten the tension. By her echoed laugh I could tell that I achieved the small accomplishment.

 

"No, I mean like relationship wise."

 

"Oh, right. I guess you could say that we're just friends." I said shrugging my shoulders.

 

"Just friends?" A voice to my opposite shoulder rung out.

 

"Yeah I guess. Why?"

 

"You could have fooled me." Scarlett said while kicking her feet off the ground to incline her speed. "I thought you guys were dating. Anybody could see that."

 

"Oh. Well sorry but your eyes are deceiving you. Liam and I are just friends, sadly."

 

"So you want to be more." Kriss said with her green eyes boring into mine.

 

"Of course. But..I just can't. It's.."

 

"It's what?" Scarlett inquired.

 

"It's just complicated. I'm not good enough for him and I just know how love works. In the end, somebody always get's hurt. No matter what."

 

Scarlett stopped her swing with her feet and looked over at me. "Look. We haven't known Liam for that long, Kriss and I, but I think we can both agree that he is the sweetest person that we have ever met. Harry always told me that I had to meet him sometime and I'm glad that I did."

 

"Yeah." Kriss agreed. "He couldn't stop looking at you the whole time. He looked at you like how Niall looks at me. He doesn't seem like the type to break a girls heart. Trust us hon."

 

I wanted to. But I had my doubts. I'm positive that Liam could find somebody better. Somebody who isn't afraid of being who they are. Somebody who doesn't rid of pain by creating more of it. Somebody who isn't me.

 

But I think I can give in.

 

"C'mon." Kriss said standing up while holding out her hand to me. "Let's go back to my place and watch some movies."

 

 

3 movies later and I was sure to fall asleep soon. The girls had invited Niall and Harry over and I started to feel a bit left out. I was sitting on the love seat while Harry and Scarlett were laying on the opposite couch cuddling while Niall and Kriss were sitting on the floor close to each other.

 

Boredom had struck me and I announced that I would go and visit Liam. They all said their goodbyes and I left. I walked to his flat considering the small town offering a pleasurable walking distance.

 

Walking always cleared my head. I had thoughts flying around my mind consuming my conscious. I was planning in my head on what I was going to tell Liam.

 

I think both my head and heart had agreed on to being his. I have never been so sure of a decision in my life than this one. My insides felt warm knowing what my future could possibly hold.

 

Now standing in front of the familiar flat, I was more than confident that I would finally confront my true feelings. I had noticed a car that was foreign to my eyes but seeing that it was parked on the side of the road could've been for anybody.

 

 I knocked on the door a couple of times but the only thing I got in return was silence. I was about to walk away when I heard muffled sounds coming from behind the barrier. Letting my curiosity get the better of me, I had opened the door without a second thought.

 

I immediately regretted it.

 

My eyes caught the sight of a blonde female wrapped around Liam while her lips where synchronized with his. And he didn't pull back.

 

When the door closed with force they immediately broke away and Liam looked at me with a mix of scared, hurt, shock, and confusion. I was probably a mirror to him. I stood there feeling my feet glued to the floor. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't move. That was until Liam decided to move towards me saying my name.

 

I started for the door not looking back. I made it to the sidewalk when I heard footsteps close behind me. I started to run faster thinking I could get away when I felt a strong grip pull me back on my upper arm.

 

"Let go of me!" I yelled and started lashing out for a loose grip and an escape. He eventually let go and we were soon just standing there, looking at each other with a few feet between our heaving bodies. He took a step forward where I countered back.

 

"Diana...please..."

 

I shook my head which caused the tears brimming my eyes to cascade down my cheeks. "No Liam. I don't need an explanation. And I sure as hell don't want one. H-how could you do this to me?" I couldn't finish my sentence for it was swallowed down by choked sobs.

 

He stepped forward but I didn't move back. All I needed was his embrace. He tightly wrapped his arms around me and I buried my face into his chest. Yes I was mad at him but I felt that if he would let go, I would just fall.

 

"Diana, it's not what it looked like I swear. Please just let me explain."

 

I pulled away and looked at his face which held fear and tears. Tears filled with fear and fear that caused those tears.

 

"I can't Liam. I just can't. No matter what happened. It could have been a mistake but-"

 

"Yes it was just that!"

 

"I don't care!" I was starting to grow frustrated which caused me to explain myself. "You know Liam I was going to give us a shot. I was going to swallow my fears and doubts just so I can look into your eyes and hold you. I was going to take a chance. And then this. This just reminded me of what really happens when you're in love. I'm falling Liam! I trusted you to be the one that would be there for me always! I was already so fragile. Already felt unwanted, out of place, not belonging, not good enough. And for what?! I tried to look past that like you told me to. I listened to you. I'm falling apart Liam. And I'm afraid you can't fix this one."

 

"Diana.." He whispered.

 

"Can't you say anything else?!"

 

Silence.

 

"Don't come looking for me Liam. Because you might not like what you see."

 

I walked away and was a bit relieved and disappointed that he didn't follow me. It soon started to rain and the weather matched my mood: dark, grey, and bleak. I left Liam in the rain, not looking back.

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