For You, Zack

I love and hate at the same time. It is time to let it all out. I am letting this all out to you, Zack. You hold me together without even knowing it.


7. The Dream

Dear Zack,

It is like the evil that I have inside of me is taunting myself. I woke up from that dream, so happy, but waking up made me realize that it never happened. It never will happen.



I was so tired and cold on the bus. It was my turn to sit alone which was a good thing on the way to the football game when it was hot on the bus, but on the way back it was always cold. My friend and Her were sitting in the seat in front of me sleeping because it was midnight. I was sitting in the corner against the wall, holding my legs close to my chest, wearing my jacket around my body, but it provided little heat. My eyes were closed wishing the three hours it took to get back to the school would only seem like seconds after sleep devoured me.

My eyes were stinging with sleep, but my body was too uncomfortable, and I was shivering. Turning my face toward the window, I tried to get more comfortable and situate my jacket into a warmer position. I sat there until almost asleep, when I felt a warm presence near me. I barley had time to open my eyes and turn around when an arm was wrapped around my waist and another around my shoulders. It was you. You told me to lean back, so I did, and I landed against your chest. You slipped the one that was around my shoulders onto my waist as well. We sat there like that until you started feeling my shivering. I had tried to stop it, but the shaking was a little too much. Your arms pulled away, so I sat up and watched you. Sliding around me quickly and quietly as to not wake anyone, you sat by the cold bus wall. You pulled out a blanket and pulled me to you once more. After covering me up, I still did not want to lay my head on your chest because I was too nervous. You took one arms off of my waist, placed your hand gently onto my cheek, and guided my head onto your chest.

I woke up to an unfamiliar noise, so naturally I opened my eyes thinking that the bus ride was over and I would be laying on your chest and people would start to stare. But when I opened my eyes, I realized that it was all just a dream and Mom had come in to tell me that they were going to town to get things and to get up.




I woke up and just thought about you. I sat there in bed for about thirty minutes thinking about that dream. Since I do not remember many dreams, it was a surprise to me that I remembered one that I had about you. I just wish it would have happened, but I know it did not happen and probably will never. I wish I could actually tell you about this dream, but I will not. It is here and not with you. You do not even know that I care about you at all. I am sure you do not know that I dream about you.

If you ever find this book, I will not know what to tell you. If anyone else that I know finds this, they will know exactly who this is. I do not think anyone will find it, but if they do, know that everything is true. If you find it, know that everything is true, and that I do not want to hear or see your reaction. I do not want to know how much you do not like me, that is why it is written here. I do not think you will ever like me, but if you do, I know that He would not care, but I would. You are his best friend. He has not started dating Her yet, and I do not know why, but I do not care if they do start dating. I do care if we start dating. I do not want you to even come close to risking a friend for me, and definitely not a best friend. I know that He would not care, but I am afraid you would still be uncomfortable.

So, if you ever find this, please do not let me know. Let me keep thinking that you do not know how much I like you because that is a lot less painful for both of us.

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