For You, Zack

I love and hate at the same time. It is time to let it all out. I am letting this all out to you, Zack. You hold me together without even knowing it.


4. Noticing Her

Dear Zack,

I like you. I even sit the last school period in the same class as you, and glance at you constantly. I think it is cute how, since you think homework is a complete waste of time, you don't like to do it even when you complain of being  bored. You sit there and play with your phone while the others groups are up front, and just stare at it. I cannot see what you are doing on it though since She is sitting between us.

Not many people notice me in that class because I am one of the quietest people. Not many of the older students know my name. You know my name, but you refuse to look away from your phone in your spare time. You look up at Her though. She gets your attention quickly because She sits right next to you while I do not. If I sat in Her seat one day before She got there, everyone would know something was up. I sit in the very back row, away from the group that talks and laughs together. You sit with them, but rarely talk. You see Her, but not me. Just like the person I devoted the last two years of my life does. Kevin sees Her, but not me. I do not care about that any more though. I just wish someone would admit it.

I do not think you do, but I hope you have eyes for me. Eyes that don't just see a broken girl that used to love your best friend are the ones that I want you to have, but you don't always get what you want.

I was amazed at how little you look up from your phone that I just had to find a way to make you look at me. I saw you look up at me smiling when I sent you a text saying "always on your phone". I caught you rolling your eyes at me smiling when She looked up to ask you a question. The first thing She noticed of course was one of your rare "happy faces", and turned to see what you were smiling at. I buried my face into the book in front of me before She even turned Her head my direction. I do not think She thought about it anymore because your smile disappeared even quicker than it appeared. But I have to say one thing, She does not glare at me which is surprising.

I had to just become completely absorbed into what I was reading after a while though, because She kept looking up. I figured She kept feeling a gaze on Her. I do not know if She suspects anything from me. She and I have been getting along all day actually which is surprising to me because we have not been lately. I even asked you about it, but you said you did not know either. Later on you told me it was because I starting dating quickly after Kevin and I had broken up. You knew that because you asked Her. For me. You don't even know the effect that had on me. You barley talk to me, yet you do so much for me.

I do not know what I would do without you making me happy everyday without even trying. You are so cute and funny, but you don't realize it. I can not even begin to describe how caring you are. You spent half an hour explaining to me the homework that you had already finished, so I passed the test for Honors Geometry. Then I saw you doing your English homework the next morning because you didn't have time to finish it. You took yourself out of your own way to help me. Then you helped me cheat on a "play to leave" game in quiz bowl. You care so much, but I don't know why.

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