The Cuts On My Wrist

STOP BULLYING!!!!
Hey everyone. This is a collection of people's stories about being bullied or bullying and also some advice and quotes and little things like that are included to help stomp out bullying. Please read and help us stop The bullying... every little bit counts to a better future. If would like to be heard please email me at rebecca.herkess@education.nsw.gov.au and you can have a voice as well:) WARNING. This story may be a little depressing to those who are like me, and are bullied.

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2. My story<3

It all started in pre school. I was teased because of the fact that I have freckles, I was born 2 1/2 weeks late, and I'm overweight. People would constantly push me around, say nasty things about me, wether it was behind my back, or right in front of my face. 


Then I went to primary school, and got a hair cut. You see, I'm a major tomboy, so I got my hair cut like a guy. People started teasing me about it, calling me names, saying I was a transvestite and stuff. Then they started teasing me for other things, like my freckles, how overweight I am, at one point they were even teasing me about my shoes at one point. I had no friends, at lunch I would go hide behind the classrooms and cry. This carried on for all 6 years of primary school. I would go to school, spend the whole day getting teased, and being alone, then go home and not talk to anyone. But I didn't tell anyone about it, I couldn't, it was to hard. I tried telling a teacher once, but all she did was tell me it was all in my head. The suicidal thoughts, and the cutting didn't help. I thought so much about just ending my life. And some nights I would sneak out to the kitchen, while everyone else was sleeping, and I would hold the sharpest knife we had to my chest. And all those times, I couldn't do it. I couldn't just give up, I had a future. Sharp knife for a short life. Right? People think its cheating, killing yourself. I didn't make that mistake, and no one should. Even today I have those thoughts, and I have no one to talk to. My friends don't understand, and all the teachers ever say is "we'll help you through it", then they just abandon you. 

Then I went to intermediate, it was a very small school, so everyone kind of knew each other in a way. So on valentines day I sent this little decorated lollypop to my crush, I was 11 at the time so it was an akward thing at my age. Yeah, then we had this mufti day, where I wore a really low cut dress, that was short as well. So for the next three terms I got called a whore, a slut, a b**** for those two things. And every day I would go round the back of the class and cry, then go home and cry myself to sleep. I still never told people about it. Then people started teasing me again about my weight, my freckles, how pale I was, and about the fact that I can't tan. They excluded me from groups at lunch, activities, even when we did stuff as a class they would exclude me. The teasing got so bad that I would try and make myself sick in the morning, I would try to make myself throw up, but I never did. Then, at the end of term 3, I left, because of the earthquake. 

 

All tge time when I was at intermediate, there was this boy. He was short and asian (I love asian people<3) and some people were really mean to him. And because of what happened to me, I took my anger out on him. I was so mean to him. I teased him, excluded him from groups and stuff, and I didn't realise how horrible I was being to him, until I found him alone crying one day. Anyway, I apoligised and he accepted it, but i've never let go how cruel I was to him. And the fact that I was doing to him what had been done to me. It wasn't okay, and I spent so long punishing myself because of the fact that I, myself had become a bully. I still can't stop beating myself up (literally) for it. I mean I hate bullies, I always have. But to sink to their level? No. That wasn't okay. And exuses are exuses, my one wasn't fit. I still cry over how much of a d*** I was to him. And I wish I never did that, but I can't change the horrible thing I did. I can't change the fact that I ruined his experience, an experience he can't get back. Im a monster. And I hate myself for it.

I'm from a little city called Christchurch, and in 2010 there was a 7.3m earthquake. In febuary the next year there was a 6.3m one, and they kept on coming, there were more 6.3's and ones around those, and alot more smaller ones. In 2011 the government named a residential red zone. This was a place where the land was so damaged that they couldn't fix it, so everyone had to move. So, my parents bought a block of land so that they could build on there, but after a year of waiting for the insurance company to get their s*** together,my parents got sick of it. Conveniantly, my dad got offered a really good promotion, but we had to move to Sydney for it. So he moved, and about 5 months later, we moved to the house he was renting (the house I live in now). 


Unfortunatley, the education system here is a year behind, so I had to complete year 6 again. That meant going back to primary school. The bullying wasn't as bad at the primary school I went to, but toward the end of the term I got in a fight. That blew way out of proportion, and along the way alot of hurtful things were directed toward me. 

 

That was last year. Im in my first year of high school now, and things are much better here. There is still alot of bullying, just not so much as primary school. But what they did hurt me, and it left me with alot of self hate, and dislike. Because of those people I hate how I look, I started eating away my worries, so now my stomach has grown alot. I cry if I stand in the mirror too long. 


Something really important I learnt from what happened is that talking to someone, wether they're a counsellor, or just a friend. And I learnt that cutting doesn't help. Sure, when you're doing it you feel on top of the world, and then that feeling goes away, you just feel depressed

 

again. Self harm is wrong. But talking to someone isn't. 


I guess the message through this is that you shouldn't be the next Amanda Todd. I don't want you to die, you are all amazing people. My story isn't so bad, but everyone counts, every story matters. You have a voice. Tell me your story, and share your hardship, your loss, the battle you are winning. No one deserves to fight this alone, everyone deserves to be heard. And I am here to listen. Please share with me your story, and we'll fight this together. 

 

~Becca

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