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2. i can't sleep.

i can't sleep.

i'm sad and it's thundering.

thundering like an earthquake in my chest, a deep long howl.

and i don't know what can be said to remind you that unhappy people

need to be reminded to keep

barbie smiles on their faces,

keep their arms open for whoever wants to go jumping in to them

and smile deep into the crooks of their necks.

 

i dont think you remember that even though

my fists are up 

 my ribs and lungs aren't coated in chain mail

it still hurts when I feel the first punch, the first blow pushing deep into my side.

forget broken hearts and cracked bones

i don't want to listen to you scream at the world how some things aren't fair

NOTHING is FAIR.

you and i are dancing around a circumference of 

this and that,

of chained wrists that are caressed by shackles 

and can no longer cup the starlight dripping over the horizon.

i cannot see a distant future the same anymore ;

like a mirage is plucking the trees from view and all of a sudden...

i see nothing.

 

i see fog, smoke,

i don't see things the way i used to

this years autumn is not crisp

like last years,

the atmosphere tastes saltier than last Saturday morning.

is it me?

am i really that disconnected from the world

or did i fall asleep,

hoping the world would still be the same

when i woke up the next morning.

 

i was foolish.

there are one less pair of arms to go crashing into.

if you hold me i am shaking

with the mornings first bitter breath of 'leave me alone'.

if you see my head tipped back towards the sky it is me.

pushing the tears back into my skull to trail down the veins snaking around my neck,

you don't waste holy water in temples.

if you can see purple bruises under my eyes

it is because

couldn't

fall asleep

last 

night.

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