Are You my Father?

"I'm your... daughter"
My mom died when I was 10, I was put into foster care. I finally found my dad, but what happens if he doesn't want me?


43. Chapter 41



   It was the same dream as before. The one where the couple walked out of the house hand in hand, the girl was still pregnant, the scene slowly fading to black. Then it disappeared as a blinding flash of pain shot through me. This time though, there was an annoying beeping noise, I heard a siren close by, the tires of a large vehicle moving quickly, and the shouts of 'Hold on!', 'Stay with us!", and '...just a little longer...' Suddenly the beeping stopped.

   A sad voice cut through the tense air like a knife, "Time of death..." It suddenly changed to the scene outside the hospital. Where the same lady was carrying a baby carrier. Her face looked pale, stressed, and puffy from crying. I felt bad for her. As she placed the carrier in a cab she looked around. She mouthed a name that I couldn't see, but pain for her increased in my chest. The feeling making it hard to breath. My chest felt like a million pounds as I fought to keep it rising and falling. My heart rate quickened, and slowly, my breath started to stutter out. The pain kept increasing. I turned around to look, to try and see what was hurting me...but I wound up seeing pitch black. I turned back to the scene to see darkness ahead of me. Pain shot through me again as I tried to leap away from its evil grasp...


   I lept out of bed with such force the mattress almost slid off the other side. Moving quickly to the bathroom, I threw up once again. I sat up, my back against the wall, as I pushed loose hair off my sweaty forehead. The after taste burned my mouth, but I was too weak to stand. The sharp pain was slowly decreasing as I rested my head on the wall behind me. I opened my eyes again to see darkness. I forced myself to stand, pushing off the wall towards the sink. Rinsing water in my mouth, I spit it out, and walked out the door. My feet moved slowly over the cold floor. The shorts and shirt still clung to my body with sweat. Looking over at my clock as I saw it was only 3am. For two weeks now, my nights have been going like this. They were restless with either having to get up every hour to throw up, or the nightmares that have been haunting my dreams. They didn't even seem like nightmares...until I was trapped in the darkness. Every time I had this dream, the ending was always different. This time the girl mouthed a name. The last time it happened she sang a song, a very sad song. A few nights ago she had brought out her baby and rocked it. It was different each time, like the dream was trying to decide which ending it liked best. But, every time after I saw her, I would be trapped in the black, endless space once again. I shook slightly as I tried to fall back asleep.


  I woke up to my alarm. Surprisingly I had slept a full  three hours without something happening! Dragging myself out of bed I threw myself into the shower. When I was done washing the sweat, that had frozen from the cold air, onto my body and washing my hair I stepped out. I wrapped a towel around myself as I walked out to my closet. I grabbed a white shirt that had black polka-dots on it. It also zipped up in the front. It had thick straps, flared out at the bottom, and the very edge at the bottom was ringed with lace. I paired it with black skinny jeans and a black jacket. I straightened my curly hair and placed a waterfall braid from the side, down the back. I put my make-up with pink lips and slipped on aqua toms. Lastly I grabbed my dog tags that had 'Rosalie. Survivor. 5 years. Fearless,' on them. The 'Survivor and 5 years' part was bout my five years in the foster care system. I had gotten them from a fundraiser at school right after I was enrolled. But now...I had many things to connect to the 'Survivor' part. I grabbed my school bag and all the books that went with it. I skipped down the steps and out the door, waiting for the driver. When he finally got there I hopped in the back without saying anything. The rest of the kids, now including Kale, sat around me. I still stayed silent. Jason and Kale sometimes hinted in the morning that they had heard me throwing up in the middle of the night, but had never actually said anything. I told them they were hearing things, but I doubted they believed me. They eyed me suspiciously during the ride, surely they had heard me last night. I bet they thought I was bulimic, but they hadn't said anything yet so I wasn't worried...I would cross that bridge when I got to it. I still hadn't told anybody, not even one of the boys. I didn't want to scare them off. If I was pregnant cause of one of them...I would need them here...I didn't want to tell them until I was absolutely sure. I mean, the throwing up could be anything!...right? I could have some weird stomach that caused me to puke. Or, I could just be so nervous bout the whole thing and the nightmares that I was scaring myself to the point of puking! Or, maybe I could be bulimic and not even that even possible? I didn't know, but I was holding on to the hope that that's what was happening. Thank God that the puking stopped in the morning. I had only thrown up once during the day and that was right after Bio. I claimed that there was something in the lab that made me feel sick with its smell...I got excused from that lab ;). I'm glad cause it was confusing anyway. I fiddled with my necklace as I walked through the halls. Opening my locker, I stuffed all my books in. I had finally gotten all the work I needed to catch up on done, but I was still finding it difficult to keep up with normal school know...with all the throwing up, worrying, and stuff...


  I was called to the office to get picked up by Zayn. Emily and I were still mad at him, but we needed to get the test, to see if Zayn was my father or not, done. I stood there as he signed me out, then got into his car, still not saying a word. He tried to make conversation, but I would either shoot it down immediately, or refuse to reply. I kinda felt bad for him, but I saw the way it made my mom feel. She insisted he still take the couch, and if he refused she's sleep on it herself. Eventually he'd feel bad and offer to take it while she slept on the bed. Nothing out of the ordinary round the house these days. It was a house full of liars, cheaters, blackmailers, fights, yelling, short tempers, and one potentially pregnant lady. I smirked at the thought. When we finally got there the doctor had us sit in this tiny little, pure white room while he went to get the testing materials. Thank God that I told Zayn I didn't like needles before this. Can you even tell if someone is pregnant through their blood? I didn't want to take that risk. The doctor came back with a pair of tweezers, white gloves, and some medical tube/container things. He pulled one hair from each of our heads and sent them away to be tested. As he ushered us back out into the waiting area I noticed no one was there anymore. They must've all left. I turned my head slightly and something caught my eye. I grabbed it and pulled it into my jacket pocket, nobody noticed. I breathed out a sigh of relief as Zayn and I walked outside and sat in his car. We sat in silence for a second before he turned the key and the engine roared to life. School had ended a little bit ago, so we drove straight home. Nobody else was home yet, and Zayn had to meet the boys, so i decided this would be my only chance. I rushed upstairs, almost upsetting my stomach again, and locked the door to my bedroom...and bathroom. I sat down on the toilet seat as I stared at the blue and pink wrapping. I pulled it open to reveal the white pregnancy test. I sighed...why'd it have to be me having to take this test. It was one of those that had a plus of minus sign and showed how many weeks it thought you were. I sighed again as I took the test. I swear that is the longest five minutes of your life! You have so many emotions going through your drives you insane! One minute into it I was sitting down looking at my tablet. I was doing fine until an add for baby things popped up. I slammed my finger down on the exit button and threw the tablet onto my bed. That left me with four minutes to wallow in the depths of sadness, happiness, excitement, guilt, anticipation, and a lot of sweat. Finally the alarm went off on my phone, scaring me half to death. I clutched my heart as the pace sped up, increasing by the second. My breathing was shallow as I leaned over the sink until I could clearly see the white stick sitting there. My eyes scanned over it until my breath fully hitched, my heart skipping a few beats. It was what I expected...I was just hoping I was wrong,! I always had to be right! The small little plus sigh flashed over and over again, finally coming to a stand still. Underneath stood the words '2-3 weeks'. I groaned in frustration as I wrapped up the test and packaging, throwing it at the bottom of the garbage. Thank God I clean my own bathroom...I walked over to my bed and picked up my phone. I scrolled down the message system until I came to the drafts. I picked it up, scanning what I had wrote. There was a message to each of the three boys. 'Can we talk?' Is all it said...but I hadn't sent it. I didn't know if I had the strength...the courage to do ti. Something clicked in my mind before I set my phone back down beside me on the bed. All of those nights had been back to back...only one question remained... Who was the father?...

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