Still Breathing

" I closed the book, and laid my head on my hands. How can it be, that I’m knowing of this world? Of Adrian? " - Rachael

It's easier just reading first chapter and decide if you like this story or not ;) And i'm sorry about the grammar(i'm working on it :)

Link to the next in the series: :D


19. Love is a dangerous thing

I stared at the phone on the kitchen table. It’s hours since I got back home, but I still haven’t picked it up. Am I really nervous about this? It’s just her home – I’m sure it can’t be that different from what she’s living in now. Ray was staring at me, suddenly he got enough. “Just call her already!”. I bit my lip and took the phone. I dialed her number and waited three beeps. “Yeah?” she sounded tired.

“I know you’re not well, but am I supposed to come over?” I asked.

“Oh! Damn, I totally forgot!” I could hear her running around. It sounded a bit funny, I can see it for me. Her struggling with moving around on her room, while trying to make herself ready for whatever it is she’s going to do.

“Tyler – can you meet me at the corner of the Green Café?” she said “In a half hour?”

“Sure” I said and hanged up. She had forgotten it.

“Better make yourself ready” Ray noticed from the couch. I nodded and ran to the bathroom, then to my room to pack a little bag and then I ran out the door. I met her on the corner, she was not wearing jeans anymore, and she was actually wearing a summer dress. Her hair was messy, so she had put it on in a hast.

“Let us go” she said and then we walked towards the forest. I followed her, and looked after a bag, but she didn’t have anything with her.

“Where are your bag?” I asked confused. She smiled at me. “I don’t need one, everything I need is already there”. We walked in silence, I know it doesn’t bother her, but it’s making me nervous.


Also Jenny. I need answers.

“What happened at night in the school… has it ever happened before?” I asked. –she looked at me, and I could see she was still tired in her eyes. I guess hours of rest didn’t help her much.

“Yes” she answered. She didn’t give an explanation, it’s apparently just something that she’s use too.

“Who helped you then?” I asked.

“Jeremy” she said “He pushed Jenny aside and threw me down in a cold lake” She suddenly laughed. “Jeremy was so angry, he was ready to kill Jenny, but my dad told him not to”.

Suddenly we weren’t in a forest anymore, as I took a step forward everything became a desert, with one giant castle in front of me. There where to guards at the front door, as we walked forward they opened it and let us pass with a “Happy to see you again, My lady” and she responded with a “Happy to be back”. As I walked in I couldn’t help it. The first room was bigger than my house. In the back of my mind I saw the little hallway in her mother’s house. The difference is enormous!

She didn’t react to me being stunned, she just continued up a pair of stairs. I ran after her and had to eat everything with my eyes. “Jeez I’m hungry” she noticed “I forgot to eat lunch”.

“Then you should head to the kitchen” an older man appeared from a side hallway. “We can’t have you starving”. She gave him a quick hug. “You seem tired” he noticed “I guess he should relax with those training hours” she didn’t reply but just waved as she continued. I reached her. “Who was that?”

“My granddad” she replied with a smile. She opened a door and I could see a giant functional kitchen, filled with people. No one noticed us, as we mixed with them and she took some funny looking buns. We walked out another door and walked to a door. She opened up and I was stunned. There was a giant bed, a piano and the walls seemed like they were made out of books. I closed the door after me and took a good look. One desk – filled with opened books and some candles dripping with wax. Everything else looked cleaner than my room – and that’s always as clean as it can be. I hadn’t taken more than one step inside the room, I weren’t sure I’m brave enough, I’m afraid it will all just be a dream.

“Tyler” She was blushing as she sat on the giant bed “I know it’s a lot to take in. Perhaps you should sit down” My feet automatically walked to her, and I sat down on the bed. She laid a bun in my hand and I took a bite. Even that tasted wonderful. This place is a dream land! I could feel her eyes on me, I don’t want to hurt her feelings.

“I know it’s a lot to take in” then she smiled to me “But I hope it aren’t too much for you” and with that I tried relaxing and laid myself down, with the legs dangling over the edge of the bed. I just have to take it in one piece after another.

“It’s so beautiful” I noticed “I thought only nature could be that beautiful” She crawled to my head and started nuzzling my hair. “I’m afraid I’ll wake up and this will all just be a dream” I noticed. I know it sounds stupid, but she didn’t laugh, she just smiled at me.

“How do you go back to your mother… and live there every day, knowing she hates you, when you could stay here?” I asked, and I could see it in her eyes. She don’t want to leave, she wants to stay just like me.

“Silencia” she said “Is the only reason I go back. In theory I could still go to school from here, the walk would be a little bit longer, but it wouldn’t be too much. Silencia is more important than every beautiful thing in this world” I could see her thoughts were miles away, with her fingers still in my hair. If I could – I’ll move in. I’ll ask if Ray and George could move in too. They could help themselves and their families.

“Who were all the people in the kitchen?” I asked. She smiled at me.

“My dad travels a lot” she noticed “While traveling he meets Lighters –good and bad – who has lived through nightmares I’ll can never dream of” She looked sad for a minute, but then she smiled at me. “Not only Lighters of course! Also other creatures… But mostly Lighters, ‘cause there aren’t many creatures where he travels” I looked into her eyes and a thought hit me. Shawn would like her. If he hadn’t died. He would love her, he would love this castle, and the people inside it.

“What are you thinking about?” she asked concerned. I realized I was crying. I sat up and she hugged me from behind, her arms was around my chest and my arms was around hers. I never cried before – not over Shawn. Not even when I told Ray and George. Or the Lighter that saved me. But the tears kept dripping from my cheek and onto the silk sheets.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she whispered into my back. I never told her the full story. I told her my country kicked me out, because of a life choice I did. I never told her about Shawn, I pretended to like girls… so that people wouldn’t start here also. But it aren’t very good for me… is it? I’m back where I started – hiding who I am.

“You remember what a told you about my country?” I asked. I could feel her nod. I took a deep breath and tried making the tears stop. It didn’t help much.

“When I was younger… I fell in love with a guy named Shawn” she didn’t say anything, but her arms didn’t let go of me, I wanted to see her face. If she hates me like they did.

“I my country – homosexuality was and is illegal. Shawn had moved from a part of the country where they didn’t hate it. But the part of the country he moved too – where I was – was against it” I could feel her arms holding tighter around me.

“We fell in love – and I told him he shouldn’t be showing it so obviously to everyone.  And he told me…”

“If you keep going around like that, you’ll be hunted by the whole town!” I yelled at him, with not a person in a ten mile radius. “I won’t hide who I am!” He yelled back “This is me! I shouldn’t have to hide myself!” His cheeks was red of anger.

“They’ll kill you if you don’t watch out! Why can’t you just listen to me?” I could see he wanted to hit me, so he changed into his form and ran from me. I feel down on my knees and started hitting on the ground. They’ll kill him.

“And he told me… he shouldn’t have to hide himself” I noticed “It was two days before… before his sister ran to my house, screaming and crying. It took an hour for her to tell me what happened. They were going to kill me next… So I ran” The tears kept falling.

She wanted to move, but I held her arms strong. “I didn’t want him to die – I t-tried to warn him” Suddenly her arms relaxed.

I closed my eyes and let go of her. I tried drying my eyes, but it didn’t help. Suddenly my head was laying on something soft, I could feel long hair around my face and Rachael’s soft scent.

“I’m sorry” she whispered.

I cried, and cried and cried. I wondered why she didn’t stop me, told me it was enough and left me. When I was done, I was laying on her bed. She was sleeping, while laying behind me and holding around me. I sneaked out of her arms and sat down on the floor instead. This is a lot to take in. And a lot to get out.

“I’m sorry” I mumbled to her, and then I walked towards the door. A guy was standing there, he looked impatient.

“I guess you’re the famous ‘Tyler’ I heard so much about” he noticed. I could feel my t-shirt still wet with my tears and my eyes wet and tired. I look like a mess, don’t I?

“I wouldn’t call myself famous” I answered tired. He took a glance at me. “Come with me” I followed him and took a glance at the door to her room. If she wakes up and I’m gone… will she be worried?

“Don’t worry” he noticed “She knows you’ll always just be a call away” I wondered what he meant, while we walked into a room filled with clothes.

“Who are you?” I asked, he looked up with a smile. “I’m Jeremy, her protector” Protector? As in body guard? Should I tell him about Jenny and how she pushed Rachael too far? – And how she later punished Rachael even though she barely could stay awake?

“Protector?” I asked.

“Every Lighter has a protector, since we aren’t so normal, she have to have a protector that can take more than most” He kept touching and looking at clothes. I took and arm around myself and sighed.

“Do you know of… a Lighter called Jenny?” I asked.

He looked up instantly. “Sure, she used to live with us”.

I took a deep breath and all the words left me. I told him everything about that night. He just nodded.

“It doesn’t surprise me, that Jenny took it too far” he said “She never knew when to stop” Then he smiled “But even though she pissed me off, I weren’t allowed to kill her”

He came towards me and threw something at me, I caught it. A bunch of clothes.

“It’s not healthy to be wearing wet clothes” he noticed “Besides that – human clothes make you seem a little out of place” he pointed at a door and I followed it. I walked in and changed. I laughed when I realized what he had picked. Some loose Romeo-pants with a white-knight-in-shinning-armor blouse. I took a deep breath and walked out.

“You look better now” he said “I got the message so late that you two had arrived – that I had to wait until she walked out the door – or you came out”

I stared at him. “What do you mean?”

“She says I shouldn’t walk into her room without knocking. I could feel her sleeping, so I couldn’t enter without waking her” I walked with him again, he were apparently taking me out in a beautiful garden. ‘I could feel her sleeping’? Is that normal Lighter behavior?

“How long… have you been her protector?” I asked smilingly. He laughed as we sat down on the incredible green grass.

“Since she was born” he answered “8 months before she was born actually”

I stared at him. What is he? Two years older than me? I took a deep breath and wondered for a second. There’s surely an explanation behind, but I don’t need it. Not right now…

“Do you ever have… unwanted company?” I asked “With all of you being… dark Lighters?” He stared at me for a moment, but then smiled. “The only unwanted company we have ever had here were that water lighter Adrian” I looked at him instantly.

“Why were he unwanted?” I asked.

“He were at first – he came to save Ra… but then he apparently have a right to stay here, since he’s her friend. Or Boyfriend – or whatever they call it”

Boyfriend? I see them fight, I see him jealous, but I haven’t seen them kiss or anything like that.

“Boyfriend? At school the ignore each other” I noticed “Or fight”

He smiled a little for himself. “That’s because of the law. As another creature you might not know, but Lighters and protectors aren’t allowed to be dating. It’s punishable by death”

By death? I bit my lip. “So they are dating… but putting on a show?”

He laughed. “Not putting on a show – actually fighting”

I took a deep breath and relaxed. “I told her, I can’t see what she sees in him”.

He stared at me for a while, I looked up in the sky.


Adrian tells…

I stared at my phone, wanting to call her, kiss her and talk with her. I got up and started walking back and forth. The last week I double my shifts to make sure I was too tired to go to school – avoiding being with her, and have to report anything. The date I ‘forgot’ about in my rapports. I hate the fact that the king is forcing me to report anything she does – that might be dark lighter-stuff. I think she knows a bit, since she doesn’t want to talk with me, and are all… angry with me. I hope that’s why. If not – then what? I can’t take this. The sunis full out, I laid down in my bed. Just been to work again, the king is complaining about me not being able to be with her – and report her – and I just keep telling him I work so much I don’t have time to see her. Mom is happy – she thinks I’m thinking about quitting school and being more serious in the job.

If I had known that Rachael weren’t going to school at the moment, then I could relax. I just finished the report about her crash with the other Lighter. I picked up the phone.

If I call her, and figure out what’s wrong, perhaps I can help it someway. I can’t tell her about the king yet. She’s too weak still…

“M-hm?” I heard in the other end. Tired as always.

“I am wondering why you’re mad at me?” I said, I don’t have to say my name I guess. She should know who it is.

“Adrian” she said “I’m so tired – do we have to talk about this now?” I took a deep breath. Remember, this is unofficial, it’s not going to stand anywhere, in any report ever. This is just between us.

“I would like that” I said “I can’t stop thinking about it – what have I done, to make you angry?” She sighed as I looked out the window again.

“We had one date” she said “Then I didn’t get a sound from you in a week” FOR YOUR GOOD! FOR OUR GOOD! But I can’t tell her that.

“I’m sorry, I kind of got bombed with work lately” I said “I’m only awake during the night at the moment… I know it aren’t day right now, but my sleeping pattern are normal after the Gethernight” I waited, and waited, and waited. A sound, anything. Even a cough would make me happy right now.

“’Kay” she said.

“Is it alright if I come over?” I asked “I’ve missed you-“

“I’m at my dad’s house” she interrupted, and I stiffened. Then I can’t come over, and we both know that. “I was wondering if I then could convince you to visit my family again? Us two, alone in the garden- I know a little hiding place where we can be alone, and talk” A little time went by, while I played with a pen on my desk, and sweated a bit.

“Sure” she said “But can it be next weekend? I have a feeling I won’t have much spare time during the school-week”.

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