Silence

TRIGGERING!!!

Willow has experienced neglect and abuse all her life, she resorted to self-harm as a release and suicide as a way out from the horror that she lived. Willow has a complicated story where she loved her bully, Taila, she also made friends but at the last moments of her life.

Taila has a slightly different story, she was the bully to Willow but she had a secret as well. In her personal life, outside school she lived with her adopted mother and brother- who was released from prison-, he constantly rapes Taila. She finds that she needs to be better than others at school so no one will see how weak she is. The strange matter was she loved Willow, so in the end she tries to help but it is too late.

Liam is one of Willow's closest friends, at his old school he was bullied for being gay and his boyfriend killed himself, after recovering he moved school and met his new group whom befriended Willow soon after. But did Liam truly get over the pain or did he just hide it away?

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10. Willow's Story Part 10

Walking through the empty streets I found myself at some old part of the town. There were people on bikes and skateboards going on ramps and doing stunts. Some people were just watching or talking amongst themselves.

"Willoooooow!", a voice screamed a little too girly. Turning around I was tackled to the ground by Liam.

"Easy dumbass, hands off", I laughed before I could stop myself. The rest of the guys came over to me smiling.

"Nice to see you as well Willow, now Liam get off her", Seth said pulling Liam's hand before kissing him on the cheek. I giggled at how cute they were together.

We were talking about random things when someone from one of the other groups let out a loud shout. I turned around and saw Taila and her group coming over to me. Mathew and some of the other guys were with her making me clutch onto Blake’s arm.

"Willow so nice to see you, it's been a while since our fun", Mathew said causing the guys to snicker and look at me.

"What are you lot doing here?", Evan asked well more like shouted the new comers.

"It's public property, besides Taila wanted to talk to the loser for some reason", one of the jocks laughed before going over to a patch of grass with the rest of his group.

I sat down hugging my legs, they had became one of my nightmares. They happily stole away my dignity and got away with it as well. Blake wrapped an arm around me trying to calm me down but I got worse when Taila walked over to me.

"Willow can I talk to you please", she asked, her voice sounded softer than normal. I breathed deeply and forced myself to speak.

"Then speak, I am here aren't I?", I told her keeping my voice steady and emotionless.  

Taila's face seemed to lighten up a little and she took a deep breathe. She sighed then came over to me and kneeled down until she was at my height.

"I guess now is better than never", she whispered placing her hand on mines. 

I looked at her like she had a second head growing, man that would be awesome! She leaned forward and kisses me on the lips, it wasn't like the first time she had kissed me. This time it was gentle and soft. 

The sounds of gasps came from every person in the area but none of that mattered. I wrapped my arms around her neck and kissed her back with all I had. It felt like time froze as we moved in sync but it all came to a end too soon.

I looked at her and found everyone staring at us. The guys looked confused, the popular group looked disgusted, Taila looked happy. Then it hit me, what if she was just playing me? I was a fool to think for a slightest second someone would care.

I stood up and ran home, I ran as fast as I could ignoring the shouts for me to come back. I got to the house instantly going to the bathroom, I grabbed a razor then ran into my room ignoring my parents screaming at me.

Curling up on my floor I cut away the pain, my tears fell to the ground with the countless drops of blood. My parents banged on my door shouting at me to open it but I ignored them. I fell into a slumber wishing I would never wake up even though I knew I would, and when I did I would have to face the pain again. 

 

***

I felt a kick against my stomach pulling me from my sleep, it was Saturday so at least I had no school. I opened my eyes to find my dad staring at my wrists, disgust placed on his face.

"You are just sick Willow", he spat down at me then walked away. 

I sat up clutching my wrists and stared down at my new cuts. They were deeper than my usual ones, I sighed and went to the bathroom and washed away the dried blood before grabbing two bandages ad wrapped one on each of my wrists. 

 I didn't go outside, I didn't say a word, I sat in my room staring at the wall. Not once did I eat, nor did I cut. I sat there thinking of how life has been to me. I kept retracing my steps in life, my world was dark and miserable. I hated everything but most importantly. I hated myself.

One the Sunday night I took my book and I wrote my feelings down, not in poem but  I wrote the truth that laid in my cold heart.

I am afraid to speak what my heart is screaming. In my head the voices are singing a song of death. I feel lost, lost in life, lost in this world. I have lost who I am. No matter who is around me, no matter how many people try to care I am alone. 

Every hit is just another mark, every name is just another stab to my heart. But from all this abuse, all this bullying, all this pain there is one thing that has hurt me more than anything in my entire life. Love.

I feel myself falling for Taila but I know it is not the same for her. She has caused my life to become even more painful, she has destroyed my chance of a school life. But when we kissed it felt like my world was amazing. I felt like there was hope but then it hit me.

 It was a game to her, like everyone else she believes I am a toy just to be played with. Well it looks like they got what they wanted. My heart is entirely broken. I just cannot take the heartache anymore. Soon. Soon I will have my freedom.

I closed the book and curled up on my bed falling asleep.

 

                                                                    *** 

 

By the time I woke up the house was silent for once meaning I could escape to school without my parents hurting me. I quickly changed my bandages before throwing on jeans, a plain top and a hoodie. 

As I reached the school people were staring and pointing, I had became so used to it though to I guess it doesn't matter. I saw the guys outside my locker waiting on me to talk to them or something. 

 

"Willow what happened last night?", Liam asked looking at me.

 

"I don't know just drop it", I frowned not wanting to talk about the night before.

 

"Okay", Liam said putting his hands up in defeat. 

I sighed and tensed up when the populars walked up to me, I leaned against the locker and breathed deeply.

 

"Well if it isn't gaylow", one of  the blonde girls snickered as Mathew pushed me onto the ground. 

Looking down I tried to ignore the laughter from almost every pupil in the corridor. Sadness set on my broken heart and I stayed there. It was where I belonged after all. On the ground, just dirt under everyone’s feet.

"Leave my girl alone", Taila's voice shouted from the end of the corridor. 

I looked up to see her storming over to us with anger on her face. What did she mean my girl? Shaking it off I sat up a little but the pain in my wrists held me down as I felt the wounds opening up.  

"Well if it isn't Miss Popular slut herself", the same girl that pushed me down laughed pushing Taila to the ground. 

I had enough of all the bullying and people getting hurt because of me. I gathered the strength and stood up leaning against the lockers. Blake looked at me and nodded stepping aside from the wall the guys had seemed to form around me.

"I thought we told you Taila, you aren't one of us. You are disgusting and now this little stunt? Well why not become a outcast like this loser. Wasn't it you that said she deserved to die?" , the bitch continued smiling.

I tried to ignore the fact that Taila had said that but I knew it was the truth. Everyone wanted me to die.  And truth is I wanted to die.

"You are such a fucking bitch", I started grabbing the girl by her hair. 

"Let go of me you loser that hurts!", the girl screamed.

"You think this hurts? Try being put through this everyday of your life! Try being treated badly because you don't fit in", I continued throwing her to the ground. 

Everyone was staring at me like I had lost my mind, I probably had. I tore off my hoodie revealing the bleeding cuts and old scars. People gasped and stared at me.

 

"You have no idea what I go through! I have been abused as long as I can remember, I have been bullied at this place because I don't fit into your pathetic idea of perfect. I have been raped by some of your so called friends, I have been used and broken. You have no idea of pain you pathetic slut", I yelled before running out of the school and to my home.

I ran into my house and to the bathroom. I grabbed all the painkillers from the cabinet in the bathroom and a sharp knife from the kitchen. The voices were taunting me in my head, the laughter of their bitterness filled my ears. 

Sitting on the ground I used the knife and carved away the pain. I ripped off the bandages and carved a simple question.

 

Are you happy now?

I screamed in frustration at life, I hated living. I was going to make everyone happy for the first and last time in my life. I threw my bag across the room watching as the contents filled out. Breathing I swallowed all the painkillers. Grabbing the knife again I cut deeper than ever before, my blood poured out as I became emotionless.

I watched as the blood spiralled down my arms, the fresh wounds painting my skin. In my hand was the innocent blade, coloured crimson.  Letting out a small smile I relaxed more on the floor. The tears found their way from my eyes and fell like the rain.

 

Letting the tears fall with the blood, I began to feel woozy. Who wouldn't? I had already downed three bottles of painkillers and now the blood was spiralling from my veins. My heart becoming more silent against my hollow body.

The room started spinning around, my body fell numb causing me to collapse onto the ground. I closed my eyes waiting for it to end. I counted my last breathes, I brought my thoughts to life in my mind. All the abuse, every time I was pushed around at school, all the days I cried alone in my room, I thought of Taila, I thought of Evan, Seth, Lloyd, Liam and Blake. I smiled a little before finally everything stopped. 

 

 Taking a deep breathe, I heard the voices sing their strange lullaby;

La la lalalala, Na na nanana,

 

Blood and tears fall from here,

 

Dancing stars high above,

 

The singing blade falls today,

 

Down with rain goes the paint,

 

Pain fading with the drops,

 

Your tears fall with the blood,

 

La la lalalala, Na na nanana.

 

 Shrugging the voices away, my eyes fluttered close as the painkillers kicked in. Then it all went black, the last thought on my mind spoke into the empty silence;

 I was free.

 *** 

Behind a church there was a stone, on that stone there was a name. Around the grave was roses of white and black. A girl was crying her heart away as the day turned into night, she was pulled away from that stone by a small black haired boy and a mysterious looking brown haired one.  

The next day  that same girl sat in a hall filled with pupils, the air stirring with shame and sadness. On a projected screen was a picture of a girl, she looked fimilar to most of the pupils but none could place a finger until the principle spoke.

"This girl is Willow, she took her own life only a few days ago. Yesterday she was burried by those who truly cared about her. Today I am going to tell you a story she wrote, it was a report she was to write for English, turns out, it is her story", the principle spoke, his voice booming across the silence. 

He took a deep breathe and read the girls story word for word bringing pain to every person in that room; 

"I have no name, not to them. They give me names but they are not my friends. They call me ugly, fat and stupid. I guess it is true though but it is not the names that just affect me. When I was born I was a mistake, I have been told this every single day. I had siblings but they left me alone as soon as they could. But before that I should begin at the start", the principle took a deep breathe before continuing. 

"As long as I can remember I have knowing nothing but pain. You see there is a woman in my life that causes me so my heartache that I have became broken. That woman is my mother, for years she abused me, she would even try to kill me at times. I sometimes wished she did. My father is an alcoholic, he has drank for a very long time. He says it is because of me you see. At times he joins in, he beats me up worse than her, when I was still young I felt lost when I wasn't being hurt. I felt like I had no control in my life so what did I do? I decided to cut. I didn't understand what I was doing at the time but still I felt some control from watching the blood pour down. I could lie and say that I never went too far but that's not true. As I grew I got worse, as I grew life got worse", the principle looked up to see that every student and teacher was looking at him. Their faces were pale and eyes watered. But his gaze fell to one girl, she held a blank face as if she was fighting with herself. 

"After years of torture my father found out my mother was having an affair so he left her taking my siblings and I with him. I thought it was my chance to have a fresh start, that maybe I could even make a friend or two but that was not to be the case. I joined a new school, from the very first day people treated me different. They used to call me names that were not my name but soon they began to hit me like her and him. Finally one day a group of boys took my innocence away. I felt lost, more lost than I ever did.", the principle looked up disgusted, it had been pupils from the school that had caused her even more pain. 

"I have a secret like anyone else as well, I fell in love. With who though? One of the girls that bullied me, they say that there is a thin line between love and hate. I wondered if she loved me or hated me when she placed her lips upon mines. I made friends as well, they were amazing. But all happiness has to come to an end. So I chose my end", the principle spoke, tears slowly falling from his eyes. 

"I have no feelings, not to them. The truth is I do have emotions, its called pain. I have no life, not to them. The truth is I do have a life, it is hell. I have no name, not to them. The truth is I have a name, my name is Willow", the principle finished and looked down.

Every person placed their heads down in silence, the whispered a sorry to the girl with a name. The girl from the night before let out a cry, all eyes fell on her. Sorrow filled their faces as their own tears fell.

 

"I love you Willow, I always have and I always will", the girl spoke before bringing the silence once more. 

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