Learning to Trust

*Sequel to Different From the Rest*
Kady is grown up now. She is now eighteen, a far cry from fourteen. There is no One Direction, if you asked your kids about them they'd be like "are you high again?" Kady's stutter is long gone, but the fears from it will never surrender. Being alone, forgotten, useless. Mainly she can't trust, anyone, not others around her, not herself. She makes a mistake that can't be fixed, and must go on with her life. Kady has to learn that you must leave the past behind you before you can move forward and not all mountains can be moved. It's a bowl of cherries, with a few-no many, nuts thrown in.

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23. Repetition

"What movie do you want to watch?" I ask the twins staring at the shelf full of untouched and abused ones. 
"I want to read," says Kenzie. I almost burst out laughing, like what kid wants to read? I'm about to say something, then I look at her honest face. She wasn't joking. 
"What book?" I ask trying not to sound too fake. 
"Daddy's," she says taking it off the shelf. I forgot I even had it. It's so old, pages are dusty and bent. I can't believe I didn't notice it when I was cleaning out the house for One Direction items right before Nadi Drew was born. 
"Haven't you already read this one?" I ask. It's true, Louis and Eleanor don't hide who they are from their kids. They read One Direction autobiographies, watch the movies, and El often wears the ancient perfume. The thing with Louis is, he likes to remember the past, he never wants to leave it, like a balloon drifting into the sky. If the balloon was his past and it floated into the air, then he'd get the whole military to bring it back down for him. It's not selfish, he's just afraid of moving onto a new chapter into his life. He believes that if he shares the memories with his kids, then they'll always talk about the past to him. What goes on in Louis' head never happens in real life. 
"Yes, but I want to read it again," oh joy. 

I read the book to the kids, but they can recite it. I read maybe three chapters before I start to fall asleep. It's a little stalkerish to read this book. It's like okay, what's Zayn Malik's favorite perfume so I can wear it? Thankfully the doorbell rings. 
"Daddy's here!" squeals Michael. I can't disagree with him, I'm ready to give up also. I love the twins and all, but I can't stand reading about the band. Kenzie runs to the door and opens it. Louis welcomes her with open arms. He lifts her up and spins her around in the air. She giggles like a five year old. Michael trails behind, and Louis gives him a pat on the back. Michael isn't as affectionate as Kenzie. 
"Thank you for looking after these two munchkins," says Eleanor. 
"No problem, I cancelled my doctor's appointment last week so it's all good."
"Why though?"
"I'm sick of spending time at a hospital for them just to tell me I have a week to live."
"We'll come by tomorrow to see how your doing, but we have to be somewhere."
I wave to the car as they pull out of the driveway and drive until their car is a little speck in the distance. I walk inside and close the door. Again, I have no idea where Nadi Drew or Li are, and I don't bother knowing. I don't know what happens, but I fall down and black out. 

My eyes awaken to light shining through an oh so familiar window. The hospital. Oh shit. Why am I here? What's going on? Am I dreaming? IVs are hooked up to my scrawny arms. Doctors rush around me with clipboards. 
"She's alive!" one of them yells and a bunch of doctors rush to my bed. Many of them are shouting questions at me and my eyes grow wide. Come on, I can't answer all your questions at once. Liam pushes through the crowd and comes to my bed and hugs me. He whispers into my ear, "Oh thank God your okay."
I'm confused, what?
"Excuse me?" my voice sounds scratchy and harsh and forced, like a smoker's. 
"El and Lou came back because they forgot Kenzie's fleece. They got the key and let themselves in. You were laying unconscious on the ground so they called the ambulance. You've been unconscious for two days now and they thought you might have died," Liam explains. I have to say, I'm in the hospital way too much. But how did this happen? My head hurts from thinking of possibilities. Doctors ask questions and I answer them the best I can. 
"I think you'll live," a doctor smiles at me. But I think the one time they tell me I'll live, I will not, no matter what happens. 

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