Learning to Trust

*Sequel to Different From the Rest*
Kady is grown up now. She is now eighteen, a far cry from fourteen. There is no One Direction, if you asked your kids about them they'd be like "are you high again?" Kady's stutter is long gone, but the fears from it will never surrender. Being alone, forgotten, useless. Mainly she can't trust, anyone, not others around her, not herself. She makes a mistake that can't be fixed, and must go on with her life. Kady has to learn that you must leave the past behind you before you can move forward and not all mountains can be moved. It's a bowl of cherries, with a few-no many, nuts thrown in.

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24. Goodbyes

"I just can't do this," I try to explain to Li. He doesn't understand the pain and bitterness that's taken over my weak, defenseless body. Nadi Drew is staying at home with a nanny. It's best if she doesn't see me like this, ever. 
"Come on, all these negative thoughts will make you die. Please believe me. See, you're coming home today, doctor's orders. Then you come back, then see how you feel."
I nod my head, fine. 

As I walk into the door, I automatically head to the couch in the kitchen. I turn on the automatic fire. It does little to my coldness, but is one pretty thing to see. There's a cup of tea on the coffee table, but I don't have the energy to touch it. I just stay still and listen to the conversation going on above me. I look up through the square in the ceiling. It comes in pretty handy, not that I'm a stalker. Nadi Drew walks out of my room wearing my favorite black pumps, the ones I only wear on special occasions. 
"Dada… Dad… Daddy!" she say struggling to walk to him. Li catches her and lifts her up. 
"You like those shoes, love?" he asks smiling. 
"It's pretttttty!" she wiggles her feet. 
"That was the first thing I bought your mum, it's her favorite," he says brushing his nose against hers. 
"Did she dance with them?" she smiles cheekily. 
"Actually, yes. Like this," Liam takes my pumps off of Nadi Drew's feet and puts her toes on top of his feet. He hums our wedding song as he does so. 
"I wish Mommy was here," she says getting off. 
"Me too babe. Now come on, get ready. We have to say goodbye to Mommy today," I can see his eyes begin to water from here. 
"But she'll be in Heaven, right?" she frowns. 
"Most defiantly," Liam kisses the top of her forehead. 
"I wish she wouldn't sleep anymore so we could play."
"She's tired," a lone tear escapes from his right eye, "Mummy just needs to rest, but she'll be in our hearts, okay?"
Liam bends down and Nadi Drew wipes the manipulating tears off his face. 
"She'll miss you the most  Miss Nadi Drew."

I look over my will one last time in my hospital bed. No changing it now. No doctor thinks I'm going to die, but I can feel it in my soul. It's like something is missing in there, a piece to the puzzle has been taken out. Half of my money goes to Li, the other half to Nadi Drew for her college fund. She is going to have the experience I never had. Nadi Drew climbs onto my bed. She's in her Sunday best. Not that she'll ever use it, Liam will not take her to church if his life depended on it. 
"I'll miss you so much my big four year old," I say not bothering to wipe the tears from my messed up face. She has to be the one comforting me, "Mummy, it's better if you're in Heaven, like you said when I go, we can have tea parties everyday and we will never get sick."
I smile, she actually though something about what I said. 
"That just made my last day, thank you," I say taking a brush off of the table next to me and untangling her dirty blonde locks. Eleanor hugs me next, "I wish I could have done something to stop this."
"You couldn't have," I say shaking my head, "thank you for being the bestest friend I could ask for."
All of the kids, Kenzie, Michael, Danny, Adrianna, and Dawn climb onto my bed and I don't care. Emme, Cate, Bradford and even Samara follow. My mom is in the corner inspecting the flowers people have sent me, pretending not to cry. Peyton and Lena sit on the foot of my bed. Each of the boys, Louis, Harry, Niall and Zayn are all sitting in chairs around the bed. I am truly grateful for all of their support. I try to put on a brave face as eleven year old Samara digs her head into my arm and starts to cry. If I die, it'll be harder for my mom and Samara. It'll be just them. And, every month I've sent them scraps of money so they can meet ends. That won't happen when I die. My dad died a long time ago and mom already works. They'll meet ends somehow, they always find a way in the end. Maybe they'll just buy movies instead of going to a movie theater. 
"Lena, I don't know if I've told you this before, but I'm so happy for you and Harry, I don't even have words. Same with you Peyton and Niall, I'll be at your wedding, though you won't see me."
"Um, I guess this is a strange time to say this Kads, but I'm pregnant," says Lena playing with her tiny necklace. 
"Congratulations! I wish I could see the baby! This is the best news I could hear at this time!" I exclaim, smiling from ear to ear. Adrianna and Cate curl up on my lap. I don't fight them, I feel important for once in my life. 

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