Learning to Trust

*Sequel to Different From the Rest*
Kady is grown up now. She is now eighteen, a far cry from fourteen. There is no One Direction, if you asked your kids about them they'd be like "are you high again?" Kady's stutter is long gone, but the fears from it will never surrender. Being alone, forgotten, useless. Mainly she can't trust, anyone, not others around her, not herself. She makes a mistake that can't be fixed, and must go on with her life. Kady has to learn that you must leave the past behind you before you can move forward and not all mountains can be moved. It's a bowl of cherries, with a few-no many, nuts thrown in.


17. Fighting for Life

Liam comes down carrying Nadi Drew and I take the sleeping baby out of his arms. 
"Say hi to everyone, Nadi Drew," I say struggling to hold the piece of life. Perrie holds the little girl's hand, "Oh what an adorable baby, too bad she stuck with monsters you and Liam."
When El looks at the baby, Adrianna reaches out to touch Nadi Drew. 
"No Adrianna, you have to be careful, let Mummy do it," she strokes Nadi Drew's head to show Adrianna. Adrianna starts to wail, so El puts in her binkie. Michael and Danny don't have much interest in my baby, but Kensington does, "Mum, can I babysit Nadi Drew?"
"You are eight Kenzie, what do you think the answer is?"
Cate and Emme love Liam and my baby, but not as much as Kenzie. Kenzie keeps asking and it is hard to tell her that's she's not old enough. Eleanor tries to jump in and help me most of the time. 

"Li, I'm not feeling well," I say as I climb into bed. 
"Do you need ginger ale?" he asks in just his boxers and he climbs in next to me. I shake my head, "It's not the normal feeling you have when you get the flu, it's more painful, more controlling."
It's as if a needle was pushing into my stomach. It hurts to eat or drink never mind breathe. 
"Lets wait until morning, then if you are not feeling well still, I'll take you to the hospital," he says kissing my forehead. The normally quiet one, Nadi Drew, starts to wail from a few doors down. 
"I'll get her," Li says in a deep voice. 
"Thank you so much," and I drift to sleep. 

Ow! I just woke up and I can barely move. 
"Liam, wake up now, I can't move!" I whisper, the last thing we want is to wake up Nadi Drew. He rolls over and his eyes flutter open, "What did you say?"
"I can't move," I say with panic in my voice. 
"Are you certain?"
"Why wouldn't I be?"
Li types in 911 on his phone and within ten minutes the ambulance is here. They come into our room with a stretcher where Liam is rushing to put on some clothes. I'm still in my silk nightgown but there's nothing I can do about it. I can here a member of the medical staff talking to Li, "So how long ago did she give birth Mr. Payne?"
"Last week."
"Has she been to the hospital or doctor's within the last year?"
"Uh yes, besides her giving birth she's had a sickness return…"
I zone them out. Three men lift me onto the stretcher and bring me down the front stairs. 
"What about Nadi Drew?" I ask weakly. 
"We will get her in a minute," says what appears to be the youngest one carrying me. They fold up the stretcher from beneath me and the young one goes to get my daughter. The two doctors hook me up to an IV and they tell me to breathe slowly. I can't breath at all, okay? 
"Your husband and daughter are driving to the hospital behind us," one says. I try to nod my head but all it looks like it's doing is vibrating. 
"Stay still," and I don't argue. It's as if my whole body is stiffening up. Kind of like when you get paint on your finger and it dries making it harder to move, it's like that but with my whole body. 

"This is a result from your sickness Mrs. Payne. Now, you have already lived longer than most people who have your sickness. Like before, it's unclear how long you will live. I wish we had a miracle medicine, but the one we were going to give you before, but you couldn't take it because you were pregnant, actually doesn't work and would kill you faster than not taking it. That baby of yours saved your life," a doctor says and he leaves the room. I'm in the hospital, there's two doctors, Liam, and Nadi Drew in here. 
"I guess she did save you," Liam says pointing at Nadi Drew. I smile with the few cells that are cooperating, "Yes, she is very special, why wouldn't she be?"
Li hugs me. 
"Get off her, that could ruin some of the IV's, in her condition, we are not taking any risks," a doctor says. Liam lets go, "Sorry, it won't happen again."
Nadi Drew reaches for me, but Liam holds her back. I feel like her, I just want to reach out to everyone and tell them I'm okay. Life will go on without me and don't even bother remembering me, no wake, no funeral, I will die so no need. 

It feels like I have been kicked in the head this time. Liam and Nadi Drew left to get a hotel. I can't blame them, a hospital's no place for a baby, wait yea it is. But that's not why I feel so awful, it's because if and when I die, it will be all Li's responsibility to raise our baby. That's not fair, it's hard enough with two people, I don't even want to imagine one. And studies show that kids with one parent are more likely to be in trouble with the law, do drugs/underage drink, and are just worse people in general. I don't want my daughter to end up like that. I look over slightly to my right and the clock says 3:42. There are no doctors in the room, but they closely monitor the machinery hooked up to me from the whatever room they are in. I let my head fall onto the hard hospital pillow, I mean we are in a hospital dying, the least you can do is get us so decent pillows. 


Okay, guys, this is serious. I want to tell you all that you are beautiful no matter what anyone says. I know you have heard that said a million times, but you have to believe me. If someone goes around treating you like shit, they are the problem not you, normal human beings don't go around destroying other human beings lives. You might wonder why I'm talking about all this stuff, it's a story, not a physiology lesson. Two days ago, one of my best friends committed suicide. It was because of what people said to her at school, not our group of friends, but the quote "populars" and she eventually took her own life. All life is sacred and God didn't put you on this earth for no reason, He put you here because you are worth it. I wish I knew how to stop my friend from doing what she did, and I will feel guilty all my life because of it. This chapter is donated to her memory and I know she is reading this in Heaven. I may not be able to update as much because of this, but I did not forget about any of you. 

-Samantha <3

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