Learning to Trust

*Sequel to Different From the Rest*
Kady is grown up now. She is now eighteen, a far cry from fourteen. There is no One Direction, if you asked your kids about them they'd be like "are you high again?" Kady's stutter is long gone, but the fears from it will never surrender. Being alone, forgotten, useless. Mainly she can't trust, anyone, not others around her, not herself. She makes a mistake that can't be fixed, and must go on with her life. Kady has to learn that you must leave the past behind you before you can move forward and not all mountains can be moved. It's a bowl of cherries, with a few-no many, nuts thrown in.

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8. Bucket List

No, no, no!! Not possible, he must be wrong, "Where is the closest Planned Parenthood?"
"Abortion is not an option, the chemicals used would cause your sickness to spread," I cross my arms in front of my body, I must look like a nine year old wanting candy, but whatever. I can't have a baby, it's one of the things I said I'd never do, "Should I go tell your visitors?"
"Fine," I say waving him off. I look at my stomach, I don't look pregnant, but I'm one month pregnant. Everyone comes in except Summer and Valerie. Summer isn't here because the cops took her, and Valerie isn't because she hates me. El comes running in first, "I told you so Kads! Your going to have a baby, I have to help!"
I force a smile and Li's next, "I-I just can't believe it! I love you so much Kads."
He kisses my stomach. Then the mood turns solemn and El speaks, "How long does she have to live, doctor?"
"If she doesn't beat the sickness, she has anywhere between a couple weeks to several years to live," he says. Lou's mouth makes a small o and Perrie comes over and hugs me. 
"I'd start making a bucket list Miss Brown," the doctor finishes. He leaves the room and closes the door behind him. 
"I'm sorry guys," I say choking back tears. 
"Here," says Kensington handing me a stuffed bunny. She stands on her toes as she puts the cloth on my lap and she returns to El, "Thank you so much Kensington."
El strokes her hair, and then climbs on my bed to hug me. I have enough strength to have her on my lap and I bounce her up and down. She giggles and I see she has no two front teeth, "What happened to your teeth Miss Kensington?"
"I lost them and the Tooth Fairy came," she says smiling. So Lou actually let her believe in it. When El was pregnant, he said he won't let his baby believe in a tooth fairy. 

We got home, but some areas were blocked off with caution tape, so we had to avoid there. A few police officers were still here and they were collecting samples of something. Most people went to get a few hotel rooms, they thought I needed my space. So it's me, Li, and El. I reach into my pocket for my phone, but I remember now that the police took it for evidence. Liam goes upstairs and I don't blame him, it's seven A.M., but it has been a long day. It's just El and me, and we go into the Living Room. She's so excited I'm having a baby, but it's not a fact that I'll live in time to give birth. 
"We need to shop for your baby, and have a baby shower!" she says. 
"Anything that'll make Liam's life easier."
"Come on, don't talk so negatively, you are going to live a beat this son of a bitch," she says but I know there's a small chance I'll make it to my wedding. We won't cancel it, at least if I don't die. We scroll through room thingies, but it's hard if you don't know if you are going to have a boy or a girl. 

In the end, we get a wooden crib, a twin bed, a Union Jack carpet, white curtains, and ALOT of white pillows, like twenty. Eleanor and I picked out an empty room for the baby. It's a big room with a full bathroom, a big closet, and a loft attached to the wall. There's a ladder that can be climbed up, it's like a living area. That's why we got so many pillows, for the loft. Of coarse we ran this by Li who was dazed out in our room, frozen still. 
"He'll get over it," Eleanor said. We went downstairs and I got myself a glass of Ginger Ale and we sat down at the island. 
"So what's up?" El asks. 
"I have no idea, everything's just happening so fast."
"I know that's how it is," she says pointing to her stomach. 
"I just don't want to give up my life this way, I want to spend time with Liam, not some baby."
"Yea, but it's so important to bring new life into the world."
"Maybe for some people, but not for me. I don't need to bring in people, someone else can do that," I say. I take a pencil and a notepad from in front of me and I title it 'My Bucket List.'
"Your not going to die."
"I will, I was lucky to make it past the first time and it's not in me to make it past a second, now what should I write?"
"Kady, to be honest, I want you to be able to let go, what about to dance in the rain?" I add it, whatever, I only die once. 
"I'm just not ready to die this young, I'm only eighteen and why didn't I die before?"
"Because God saw you dying and said, 'this one's too special to let go' so He saved you, and He will again. If you could go anywhere where would you go?" El asks. The thing with God, that can't be true, He must see me as a lonely brat, that's why He took most of my friends away. I add go to Antarctica. It's fine to write that, it's not like my bucket list will ever happen. El laughs, "We need to do that! Instagram pictures with penguins!"
I also write down, send a message in a bottle and skydive. El smiles, her face just as pretty as when she was dating Lou. 

I lay down next to Liam in bed and I pull my covers over me. He is fine now knowing he'll be a father. I place my bucket list under my pillow and I turn in my side to face Liam, "You okay?"
"Yea, it has just been a crazy day, let me see that list of yours," he says reaching for it under my pillow. I let him take it, I'll be dead by two weeks if I'm lucky and Li won't have to deal with a brat. His eyes scan the page that was written in my messy handwriting. I hold my breath as he reads the last line of the list, "Really?"
I nod my head. He places the list back under my pillow and he turns off the lamp. 

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