Broken (Harry Styles FanFic)

***Preview***
Part of me wanted to walk up to her and wrap her in my arms because as much as I hated her for making me feel this way; I also hated watching her cry. But the other part of me, the part that was build up with rage and pain, just wanted to walk away from all of this and never turn back.
I wasn't sure what part I wanted to listen to, so I just took a deep breathe trying to control my anger and took a few steps towards her. I tried my best not to hold her in my arms and whispered, “sometimes broken things can't be fixed, Monica.

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7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 “Nicky,” I heard my father call, “Nicollette wake up. Today is the day.” I opened my eyes to find my father dressed up in a black tux. For a minute I thought that everything was all a nightmare and that my mother wasn't really dead, but as I opened my eyes and watched my father's sad expression I knew that it was no nightmare. “You are going to be late to your mother's funeral honey. You have to get up and get dressed.” “I don't think I can do this dad,” I said. I sat up and he took me in his arms giving me a hug, “Yes you can Nicky. You have to say goodbye.” I nodded holding back the tears and he kissed my cheek leaving me alone. I looked over at the closet where my father's wife, Martha, had hung up a black lace dress for me to wear to the funeral. Martha has always been nice to me and I am glad that my father is happy with her, but now that my mother isn't here I feel guilty for actually liking Martha. I took a deep breathe and walked over to the dress. I slowly began to get dress not wanting to go to this dreadful funeral. I wasn't ready. I didn't want to say goodbye to her. I couldn't. I looked at myself in the mirror. I wasn't wearing any makeup and my blonde hair flowed down reminding me of my mother. I pulled it up into a pony tail not wanting to even look at it. “Nicollette,” Martha lightly knocked on the door to my new room. I was living in my father's house since that house only reminded me of the horrors of that night. The image of my mother's lifeless body was still fresh in my mind and I didn't want to go back to that house. I felt alone and empty with out her there with me. My father asked me to live with him and I couldn't say no. I was afraid to be alone. “Yes,” I said lightly in a monotone. “We are waiting in the car. Whenever you are ready,” she said. “I'll be right down,” I said. I could hear the click of her heals as she walked away. I took in a deep breathe then walked over to the night stand where the heart shaped paper airplane my mother gave me laid. I took it in my hand and put it around my neck. I pat down my dress smoothing it out, then walked out of the room. As we got to cemetery I had completely forgotten about my fear. I have always been afraid of cemeteries and the dead, but after holding my mother's lifeless body in my arms; it was like the fear just went away. All I was afraid of now was losing the people I love. My father was the only one I had left and I didn't want to lose him too. Friends and family gathered around my mother's grave to say goodbye to her. I wasn't paying attention to who came and who didn't. I was just staring down at the hole in the ground where they will be laying my mother to rest. It was funny how live our whole lives loving, fighting, crying and caring, when at the end we will be buried in a dark hole to rot. There was no point in getting close to someone when at the end they will end up leaving you or dying. My father left us and my mother is dead. There was no point in going through my life getting close to friends and family when at the end they will leave. The less emotions you put into any type of relationship, then the less anger and pain you will feel. This was it. This was the last time I ever cared for someone. “Alright if anyone would want anything to be buried with her please step forward and place it on the casket.” The priest said. I am still not sure why even got a priest I don't remember my mother ever attending church. I took a deep breathe and walked over to the casket. I unclasped my heart shaped airplane necklace and place it on the casket. “Goodbye,” I whispered. I then watched my father walk up and place something on her casket as well. As he backed away I realized it was his wedding ring. I felt the tears escape my eyes as I watched them put my mom down in her grave. My father wrapped his arm around me bringing me close to him. I simply just brushed him off and walked away from all of this. I couldn't stand here and watch everyone say goodbye to her. “Nicollette,” I hear my name being called behind me. I slowly turned around finding Ella standing in front of me. I hadn't even noticed that she was here. “Are you alright?” she asked. “I,” I began but then saw Harry, Zayn, and the rest of the boys standing behind her, “I just want to be alone,” I said. I slowly turned my heal and began to run towards my car. I locked the doors and let my head fall onto the steering wheel. I let the tears fall out and I could feel the anger burning up inside me. I let out a yell and began to bang the steering wheel with my hands. Why? Why would my mother leave me? She left me here all alone in the world. I had no one and no where to live. My father had his wife and they were soon going to start their own family. I was nothing but a burden to them now. Soon they are going to grow tired of me and throw me out. A tapping on my window startled me. I turned around and saw...Harry? What was he doing here? What did he want? I am not in the mood to hear his stupid comments about how fake I am. I rolled down the window and he leaned down to talk to me. “What do you want, Harry?” I asked annoyed. I really did not want to see him right now. “Um,” he struggled to find the right words to say, “are you....are you alright?” I laughed feeling like a lunatic for laughing at his stupid question, “Well my mother is dead. My father is married to another women and they want to start their own family making me the outsider. I have absolutely no one, so to answer your idiotic question, Harry. No I am not alright.” I wasn't sure why I was being so rude to him. Maybe he actually cared and wanted to know if I was alright. I wasn't even sure why him and the band were even here. They didn't even know my mother. I bet Ella asked them to come. He didn't say anything for a while. I watched him look down at the ground and sigh. “Look I just wanted to apologize for the last time we met and I am sorry about your mother. I bet she was a great person,” he said. “You don't know anything about her,” I said angrily. “Look I didn't even want to come over here and apologize alright, but the guys are giving me crap about you, so I don't need you to act all rude. I know your mother died and I am sorry about it, but it doesn't give you the right to act like a total brat.” “Leave Harry,” I said through gritted teeth. He looked angrier than I have ever seen him, but I didn't care. I just wanted to be alone. Harry's POV It is so hard to be nice to someone when they are they are a true brat. Ella and the guys have been bugging me about being nicer to the Nicky girl and that I should apologize for being and rude. To be honest I think they expect me to actually like the girl, but I hate her and I am done with girls. I didn't even want to come to this funeral. I just wanted to go to a bar and get drunk, but here I am at this funeral acting like I care about Nicky when I can honestly say I don't care at all. I feel bad that her mother died mostly because I am not sure what I would have done if my mother died, but other than feeling sorry for her I simply don't care. “So did you apologize?” Ella asked. “I did and she told me to fuck off, so just don't make me talk to her again,” I said to her. “Well what do you expect, mate,” Zayn said, “you were a complete ares when you met her and her mother just passed away.” I rolled my eyes, “I didn't expect anything. I don't care that she doesn't fancy me. I want nothing to do with her. Now can we go now. I want to hit the bar.” “Again?” Ella yelled. “Yes,” I said and walked away. I took a taxi to the nearest bar knowing that non of the boys or Paul would want to drive me to one. It was a lonely bar in downtown and I was happy to see that there was no paparazzi anywhere or fans. There have been a couple pictures and videos going around about me being drunk and I have been really careful about not letting anyone see that side of me, but sometimes I don't have control over it. I've heard management tell me over and over about how I need to be careful about my image and that the band depends on it and they are right. I am not sure what I would do if I ever lost my band, but for now all I want to do is drink and have fun. Drinking helps drown the pain sometimes even if it's only for awhile. “I'll have the strongest thing you have,” I said to the bar tender at the other side of the bar. She was blonde and reminded me of Nicky. UGH. I hate her. The bar tender handed me my drink and I took it straight up then asked for another. Soon I had lost count on how many drinks I've had. “Hey,” some dark haired girl said to me. I turned to look at her and she was sitting on the stool next to me. She wore a red dress that showed a lot of cleavage. She looked hot. “Hey,” I smirked. “You are that one guy from that one boy band, right?” I rolled my eyes, “yeah.” “My sister loves you,” she slurred, “you know you are not that bad looking.” I laughed and said, “neither are you.” She moved closer to me and placed her hand on my knee. I looked down at her hand then looked up so that my eyes me hers. I wasn't sure what her name was or who she was, but she was hot and she wanted to have fun and could see it in her eyes. I bit my bottom lip thinking of what she was going to do next. She leaned in closer to me moving her hand up my leg. Her lips brushed over my ear and I could see where this was going. “How about we have some fun over at my place,” she whispered. I didn't say anything. She just took my hand and began to lead me out of the bar. She wanted me and I couldn't deny that I wanted her too.

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