Broken (Harry Styles FanFic)

***Preview***
Part of me wanted to walk up to her and wrap her in my arms because as much as I hated her for making me feel this way; I also hated watching her cry. But the other part of me, the part that was build up with rage and pain, just wanted to walk away from all of this and never turn back.
I wasn't sure what part I wanted to listen to, so I just took a deep breathe trying to control my anger and took a few steps towards her. I tried my best not to hold her in my arms and whispered, “sometimes broken things can't be fixed, Monica.

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32. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

 

“What?” I couldn't believe what he was telling me.

I looked into his eyes trying to find some humor in what he was telling me, but the more I stared into his eyes the more I realized that he was being serious.

“Harry,” I didn't know what to say to him was he really willing to give me what I wanted, “do you know what you are saying to me?”

He nodded, “Yes. Nico I can't stop thinking about you,” he said running his hands through his wet hair causing some drops of water to splatter on my face, “and I can't seem to keep myself away from you. I know that you want more that just this sex and I am not sure if that is what I want right now, but I do know that I don't want to and can't be away from you.”

I shook my head in confusion, “What are you saying to me Harry. I don't understand. If you don't want a relationship with me then what the hell is that you want from me?”

“What I am trying to say is that if being near you and being able to be this close to you,” he said wrapping his arm around my waist, “means that I have to try, then maybe we could try and date. I am not saying I should be your boyfriend or anything. You could still go out with Keaton if you want, but just give me a chance to be your friend and if it leads to more then we can be more.”

“My friends don't kiss me or have sex with me,” I said.

“We won't have sex. I can't promise you that I wouldn't still a kiss though,” he smirked.

I blushed and said, “I don't know Harry. I like Keaton and I don't think it's fair for him that I date two guys at the same time.”

He let go of and through his hands up in the air in frustration splashing water and making me flinch, “Why not? It's not like you are his girlfriend or anything?”

He was right. I wasn't his girlfriend, but I just didn't feel comfortable juggling two guys. Especially since I had stronger feelings for one of them.

“What about Kaya?” I asked suddenly remembering that he had a girlfriend.

He sighed and rolled his eyes, “Kaya means nothing. I am breaking it off with her soon. She was nothing but sex.”

I shook my head disappointed and laughed. I used my hands to support myself and jumped out of the pool. He was unbelievable. Just when I was beginning to think that maybe he had changed and that maybe he did want something more that just sex; he tells me that Kaya was nothing but sex. How am I suppose to trust him when all I will ever be is just that, sex.

“Hey,” he yelled after me as I began to gather my clothes from the ground, “Where are you going?”

“You know Harry I thought that maybe you were speaking some truth when you said you wanted to try, but hearing you say that Kaya was nothing but just sex made me realize that maybe I was just that to you.”

I turned away from him and took off my bra since it was soaked. My back was facing him and I tried to squeeze the water out of my bra as fast as I could so that I could put it back on. I heard the movement of the water and I knew he was stepping out of it. My heart began to pound as I heard the patting of his bare feet grow louder.

“Are you listening to what I just said,” he yelled staying a few feet away from me to give me my space and for that I was grateful.

“Oh I heard you. It is just hard to believe you when I know that all you want is just sex, Harry. You are not capable of actually caring for someone at all and I am done being your sex toy. How do I know that maybe you are just saying all of this to just get me to sleep with you and then I would just be just sex?” I yelled as I zipped my pants off. I pulled my shirt over my head and began to walk away with my shoes in my hands.

I felt his hand hold onto my arm making me turn around so that I was looking at him. He was soaked for head to toe and the water was dripping down from his boxer briefs.

“Listen to what I am trying to tell you,” he said.

“Why?” I asked, “So you could just fill my head with more lies Harry?”

He let go of my arm and I stood there crossing my arms and waiting for him to speak. I thought about just walking away when he let go of my arm, but as my eyes met with his I noticed the desperation in them. I could tell that he was getting frustrate and I remembered the way he was acting just a couple of minutes ago with me. Maybe I should listen to him and see what he has to say.

“I am trying to tell you that you are different,” he sighed.

I opened my mouth to speak, but he held up his hand indicating for me to let him finish. I closed my mouth and nodded signaling for him to continue.

“When we broke our...pact. I didn't break it because I wanted to be with Kaya. She was just there and I saw the way you acted when you saw me with her, so I decided to use her. I asked her to be my girlfriend because I knew that with her sex would just be that. With you,” he paused struggling to find the right words, “with you it was beginning to feel like I was alive again. I was beginning to care and I hated it. You made me think of my actions. I was beginning to leave the whole drug dealing business with Kyle and every time I was with a girl; I thought of the way they would feel when they found out that they were nothing but a one night stand. All I could think about was, 'Nico wouldn't approve.' You have to understand that after Monica all I wanted to do was hurt others the way she hurt me because I was to busy trying not to think of the pain she had caused me. She was the first person I had ever fell in love with and falling out of love is the hardest thing for me to do. She broke me, Nico and nobody could fix me until you came along. I was beginning to feel again. I wouldn't say it was love but you made me care again. I wanted to stay away and I tried to push you away, but something about you just makes me want to come back.”

He let out a deep sigh and I observed him trying to find if he was talking with sincerity. His emerald eyes were filled with sincerity and a hint of embarrassment. I know that it must have been hard for him to admit that he was actually beginning to care for someone other then himself and I was surprised that he was opening up to me.

“I told you it is hard to stay away from you,” he spoke again, “I don't think I am ready to be in an actual relationship yet considering that I am still in love with her, but you seem to be the only one to keep her out of my mind. There are times when my mind wanders and begins to think about her, but then you pop in my head. You and your annoying giggle that I somehow grown fond of. Maybe if I try and be friends with you and let you in instead of pushing you away, then maybe we could have that relationship you want.”

“Harry,” I sighed, “I don't know what to say. I feel like I am some type of experiment for you.”

He shook his head violently making his wet locks droop down on his face, “No. No. I don't want you to feel that way. All I am doing is what you asked me to. I am trying. I want to try. At first I hated that alive feeling I felt when I was with you, but now I want that. I want to be able to fall in love. I want to fall for you.”

His last words made my heart jump. My palms were sweating and I was left speechless. I wasn't sure what to say to him. I want him to fall for me the way I am falling for him. I want to be able to one day call him my boyfriend, but what if that day never comes? What if being his friend only means that I would fall for him even more and he will never fall for me? Was I really willing to take the this risk?

“Harry,” I sighed, “I want that too, but what if it doesn't work? The only one that would end up getting hurt would be me.”

He stepped closer to me and wrapped his arm around my waist pulling me so that my chest was pressed up against his. He lightly brushed a strand of hair away from my face and I could feel the shivers run down my spine. My heart was erratically beating in my chest and I as afraid that it would pop out of my chest.

“I don't think I can stand being away from you again,” he whispered, “I promise you we would take things slow. We don't have to sleep together. All I am asking for is for you to give me the chance to get to know you.”

I sighed biting down on my bottom lip. I closed my eyes trying to process his words. I was the one asking him to try in the first place and here he was willing to try for me.

“Ok,” I said wrapping my arms around his neck.

He smiled and his body immediately relaxed. I hadn't even noticed how tense he was until I finally agreed to give him a chance. He leaned in and I closed my eyes waiting for his lips to touch mine, but I was shocked and disappointed when his lips met my cheek instead.

I stared at him confused and he smirked, “friends don't kiss, remembered?”

I rolled my eyes, “Shut up and just kiss me.”

He laughed but then stopped when my lips met his.

 

 

Harry and I sat on the chairs by the pool and did nothing but talk. It was quite nice to be here with him and just talk about everything. We laughed and made fun of a few actors and actresses that he apparently knew. We exchanges opinions on music and I was quite surprise to hear that we had some similar interest in it. Although he mentioned some artists I was not familiar with and I mentioned some he wasn't familiar with; we both agreed to give each others unknown artists a chance.

He was telling me about his sister and how they used to pull pranks on each other and I laughed as he told me how she ended up smelling like spaghetti sauce for a weak. I slapped my thigh laughing uncontrollably, when I felt an object in my jean pocket.

I reached into my pocket and brought it out realizing that it was the memory stick that I was suppose to give to him.

“Is that,” he asked trailing off.

I nodded, “I think this is yours,” I handed it to him so he could take it.

He grabbed it ans stared at it as if he was inspecting it, “Don't you want to know what's in it.”

I sighed and thought about it. Did I want to know what was in it? I was having such a good time with Harry that I hadn't really thought about the stupid memory stick.

“I am not sure. Will it change my mind on what we agreed on?” I asked.

“That depends on whether you believed me when I said I want to change,” he spoke.

“I don't know Harry,” I said unsure if I wanted to see what was in it.

He stood up from and stretched out his hand for me to take it, “Come I'll show you.”

I shook my head deciding I didn't want to know what was in it. I was just afraid that maybe it would change my opinion on Harry and right now I like what we have.

“If we want this to work I need to show you this side of my life. I am not proud of it and I am doing my best to leave it behind, but I need you to know it from me before you find out through someone else.”

I sighed taking his hand and following him out of the pool area and into another room. There was a desk and a few couches with a tall shelf full of books. This must be his office. I didnt really see him as the office type of person.

He walked to the desk where his laptop was and placed in the flash drive. I stood at the other side of the desk not wanting to see what he was doing on his laptop. I thought I wanted to see what was in it, but now I was afraid of knowing.

I watched him click a few buttons and then he looked up at me.

“I've told you before that I used to sell drugs to celebrities. Kyle likes was always paranoid when it came to celebrities because he knew that there was the possibility that they would turn on him and put him in jail. He wanted some type of reassurance in case one of them turned on him, then he would have something of them to black mail them with,” he said.

He looked down at his hands and sighed before looking back up at me and motioning for me to move over to the computer. I slowly shuffled my way over to him and glanced at the computer. I gasped at the sight of it.

“Is that,” I trailed off.

“Yes,” he said, “he would have me get them drunk and super high off of whatever they were buying and once they were completely gone he would strip them down and have his way with them. I would snap pictures and there was his reassurance. He would never actually sleep with them he would just make it look like he did. I hated doing this, but he always threatened me by hurting the ones I love.”

I looked at the pictures that were displayed on the screen. There were dozens of actresses and actors that were photographed naked and there was Kyle kissing them and touching them. I looked through the pictures and noticed a familiar red head. I looked closely and realized who it was...Bethany.

Her eyes were closed and she was in her underwear. Kyle was on top of her with one hand on her breast and his disgusting lips on hers.

“Bethany,” I yelled.

He closed the laptop and quickly removed the flash drive.

“You photographed Bethany! How could you do this to her?” I yelled.

He shook his head, “No. That wasn't me! I wasn't there for that! You were not suppose to see that picture.”

“Well I did! How could you drag Bethy into this Harry? She is one of your closest friends!” I was so angry. Why would he do this to her?

“That picture was from before I joined Kyle,” he said.

“What?” I was so confused.

“Before Bethy and I met. Before she dated Matt she got involved with Kyle. Kyle used to take this picture with all of his clients even before I ever joined him.”

“You are saying Bethy bought drugs from him,” I asked.

“I found this memory stick in Kaya's house. It was locked up in a drawer so I knew that it was important. I wanted to find something that would free me from Kyle, so I took the USB and when I opened it I was shocked to find Bethany in it. I immediately went to her and talked to her about it. I gave it to her so that she could take a look at it. She told me that it was a long time ago and that some friends dared her to buy the drugs. She wanted to fit in since she was new and all so she did what she had to do. She is completely embarrassed about it and doesn't anyone to know, so I would like it if you didn't mention it to her.”

I couldn't believe what he was telling me. This was crazy, but I agreed not to say a word.

“This doesn't change your mind about me, right?” He asked.

This should scare me off, but I knew that this was just what he did in the past. The Harry in front of me is not the Harry that took those pictures.

“No,” I said, “I am still willing to try with you as long as you promise me that you will never do that again.”

“I promise,” he smiled.

 

 

 

 

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