Broken (Harry Styles FanFic)

***Preview***
Part of me wanted to walk up to her and wrap her in my arms because as much as I hated her for making me feel this way; I also hated watching her cry. But the other part of me, the part that was build up with rage and pain, just wanted to walk away from all of this and never turn back.
I wasn't sure what part I wanted to listen to, so I just took a deep breathe trying to control my anger and took a few steps towards her. I tried my best not to hold her in my arms and whispered, “sometimes broken things can't be fixed, Monica.

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4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 Harry's POV A soft touch on my shoulder woke me from my thoughts. I looked up to find her sparkling eyes looking down at me. “Hi Harry,” my name slipped out of her lips with out a care of the effect she has on me. “What do you want?” I said coldly as I looked down at the ground avoiding her stare. “I wanted to make sure you were alright. Ella told me what happen with Nicky,” she said taking a seat next to me. The cold breeze of the night hit us and I watched from the corner of my eye as she wrapped her arms around her torso trying to keep herself warm. It took everything in me not to wrap my arms around her and keep her warm. I scooted away from her trying to keep as much distance away from each other. “Well I am fine, so you can go now,” I said my tone harsh. I felt her stare burning into me and I turned to look at her. There was pity in her eyes. I quickly turned to look away feeling angry. I didn't want pity from anyone and especially not her. “Remember when Louis and you used to prank Janell and Niall,” she said her voice trying to lighten up the mood. I stared at her confused. What was she trying to say? She gave me a smile and continued, “I remember Niall and Janell were so into their make out session when you and Louis splashed them with water guns.” I could hear the happiness in her voice as she remembered that day. That was a great day. Monica didn't think we would actually do it and when we did she was on the floor laughing. I remember that was the first time I ever heard her laugh that way and I loved it. Her laugh made me smile and made me want to make her laugh all the time. I didn't want to respond to her as she asked me if I remembered because I did remember, but that was a part of me that I didn't want to relive. “I still remember you laughing as Niall chased you boys down the hotel. Janell was-” “What's your point Monica,” I interrupted. She sighed staring at my angered expression. “My point is Harry,” she began, “You've changed and I can't help but feel that this is my fault.” Even though she was right and she was the reason why I was like this; I didn't want to her to feel guilty. I looked away from her trying to hide any emotions from her. “Harry I'm sorry,” she said slowly, “I never meant to hurt you. I know that what we did was wrong and-” “You're wrong,” I cut her off, “What we did felt right to me. It never felt wrong.” “Harry,” she sighed, “i am not going to lie to you and tell you that I didn't enjoy it because I did. I enjoyed every minute we spent together. At some point I even thought that maybe I was falling in love with you, but the way I feel when I'm with Danny it's different than what I felt when I was with you.” I looked at her eyes as she spoke his name and I could tell she was in love. Her eyes sparkled and she even displayed a slight grin as she spoke about him. I could see her getting lost in thought. Thinking about him. My heart just ached as I watched her. Her smile soon disappeared and was replaced with a frown. I watched as her eyes lost their glow and her expression softened. “What we had was not love, Harry,” her words broke my heart, “I did care for you Harry, but I never loved you. It was all mostly lust Harry. No love.” She spoke carefully as if she was trying to find the right words to say and not hurt me. What she hadn't realized was that every word she spoke hurt me. It all might have been lust for her, but for me it was all love and lust. It was all fun and games to her, but it all meant more to me. Monica leaned in towards me and placed her hand on my knee. I felt my heart race and I wanted to jerk away from her touch, but I loved the feeling that I got when she touched me. I knew that I should have scooted further away knowing that this was not going to help me after she walks away from me and into his arms. “Harry I came up here to tell you that I am sorry. You have to stop moping around and stop being a jerk to everyone. I miss the old you and I would really like him back,” she said as her hand gently squeezed my thigh. Her words made my heart flutter. Listening to her say that she missed me and that she wanted me back was just heart warming. What did she mean by it? A second ago she was telling me that she didn't love me and now she says she wants me back. I was a bit confused by what she was saying. I was about to speak and ask her what she meant by it when she interrupted and said, “I want my friend back Harry.” Her 'friend.' She still viewed me as just her friend. How stupid I am to actually believe that maybe she meant something else. My heart began to ache again and I could feel the rage building up inside me. I was mad at myself for ever believing that I had a chance with her. I was mad that I believed that maybe she would chose me over him. That she would tell me she made a mistake and that she wanted me back. She wanted me back as her boyfriend and lover, not her friend. I wanted more with her. I wanted everything with her, but that was not the case with her. I am a complete idiot for ever believing that I could have any of that with her someday. I have been living this pathetic life style in my head thinking that she will one day be mine. I was pathetically in love with her and that made the rage in me boil because she will never feel the same way. My blood was boiling with anger. Anger that I was so tired of trying to control. My hands balled up into fists and I was trying not to make a scene. I looked over at her and her expression was calm. That was it I was tired of it. How can she calmly sit here next to me not seeing the effect she has on me? I don't care if I make a scene anymore. I just had to let out all of my anger. I stood up from the ground leaving Monica sitting alone. I walked a couple feet away from her getting close to the edge of the roof. I banged my fist onto the ledge of the wall and let out a loud yell. This time feeling all the frustration in me and anger boiling up as I let out the scream. My heart ached making my breathing increase. I let my head drop down in defeat covering my face with my hands. I wanted to cry, but not because I was sad or heartbroken. I was mad and frustrated. I wanted all of this to be over. I wanted this pain to stop. I wanted her to stay away from me. I felt the soft touch of her hand lightly placed on my back and I immediately jerked away. “Don't touch me,” I said through gritted teeth. She brought her hand to her chest and whispered, “Harry.” I could hear the worry in her voice making the rage in me grow. “Stop,” I yelled taking a step back. She gasped at my sudden change in mood. I ignored her reaction and continued, “I don't need you to feel sorry for me Monica. I don't need you to stand here and tell me you're sorry because that won't fix anything. You don't get to tell me that you miss me and that you want the friend I used to be back in your life. Don't you get it!? I don't want to be that guy anymore. That part of me is gone. He is gone Monica. He! Is! Dead! You hear me? Dead!” I watched as tears began to escape her eyes, but I was too angry to care. I was tired of listening to everyone tell me that I have changed and that they wanted the old me back. It was time for me to let everyone know that he was not coming back. Not even Monica could change me back to who I used to be. I don't want to be that person anymore. He was only a reminder of how stupid I was for ever falling for what I can't have. He was gone and no one could bring him back. Monica brought her hand up to her face to wipe the tears off her cheeks. Part of me wanted to walk up to her and wrap her in my arms because as much as I hated her for making me feel this way; I also hated watching her cry. But the other part of me, the part that was build up with rage and pain, just wanted to walk away from all of this and never turn back. I wasn't sure what part I wanted to listen to, so I just took a deep breathe trying to control my anger and took a few steps towards her. I tried my best not to hold her in my arms and whispered, “sometimes broken things can't be fixed, Monica.” I walked around her leaving her standing in the cold night with tears in her eyes. It took everything in me to not turn back and tell her I was sorry, but I managed to walk away. This was it I was done. I will no longer be that guy who puts effort and feelings into a relationship. She had broken me and I wasn't sure if I was able to be fixed up so that I can learn to love again. Nothing good ever comes from falling in love anyways. Love is a dangerous path that I was choosing to walk away from. This chapter in my life was over and it was time for me to start a new one.

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