Broken (Harry Styles FanFic)

***Preview***
Part of me wanted to walk up to her and wrap her in my arms because as much as I hated her for making me feel this way; I also hated watching her cry. But the other part of me, the part that was build up with rage and pain, just wanted to walk away from all of this and never turn back.
I wasn't sure what part I wanted to listen to, so I just took a deep breathe trying to control my anger and took a few steps towards her. I tried my best not to hold her in my arms and whispered, “sometimes broken things can't be fixed, Monica.

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23. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

As I opened my eyes the next morning there was this moment where I has forgotten everything that happened yesterday, but as the minutes past, And my brain recovered from sleep, all the memories of Harry's harsh words came back. I felt the slight pressure of pain in my heart and I didn't want to get up from my bed. I just wanted to pull the covers over my head and stay in bed all day. Sleeping and dreaming were the only escape I could come up with as the pain began to subside again. I thought I wouldn't feel pain like this anymore because Harry was a great distraction, but now that he is gone the pain of my mother's death is back and this time stronger than ever all because it is now mixed with the pain that he caused.

I looked over at the clock next to my bed and was surprised to see that it was now noon. I have been sleeping for a very long time and it wasting because waking up came with that feeling of pain and loneliness.

"Nicky," I heard a knock on my door.

I immediately pulled the covers over my head hoping that that would drive my stepmother away.

"Nicky," she knocked again, "I'm coming in. I'm worried."

I heard the door creak open and her footsteps kept growing louder as she stepped into my bedroom.

She placed a hand on my thigh and moved my body slightly as to wake me up.

"Are you still alive under there," she asked.

I slowly pulled down the covers from my face and looked up at her.

"Are you sick," she asked, "you've been sleeping for quite a while."

"I'm fine," I whispered. I meant to talk a little louder but it came out as a whisper. I sighed then turned to my side my back facing her.

My chest began to ache and this was the time when I really wished my Mother was here. I know she wouldn't really help me out and say that everything would be ok, but just having her alive would make this pain a bit bearable.

"I miss my mom," I said.

"I know you do, Nicky. I am so sorry I wish i could being her back for you," she said placing a comforting hand on my back.

I hated putting her in this position and I didn't mean to say that I missed my mom out loud, but I couldn't help it I was feeling alone. I know I have my dad and that also have Martha, but they have a baby coming and I can't help but feel like an intruder here. It was always just my mom and I and even though she was a drunk and a bitch she had those moments when she was MY mom. She would comfort me and tell me she loved me and that she would try her best to change. I knew that those moments wouldn't last long because those were the days when she would be sober for a bit. Then when the reminder of my father came back to her she would grab a bottle and drown herself in alcohol.

"Nicky why don't you come to the doctors with me today. It will get your mind off things and it isn't good for you to stay in bed all day." She said.

I turned around to look at her wondering if she was serious about her offer. I would love to go and be involved with her pregnancy mostly because I would feel less out of the picture, but would she like that or is she just doing it out of pity?

"Do you really want me there?" I asked my voice softer than usual.

She brushed a strand of my hair off my face and said, "of course I do. You are part of this family Nicky. I don't want you to feel like you are not."

I smiled. Her words made me a bit more comfortable about all of this.

"Thank you," I said.

She stood up from my bed with a smile on her face, "Alright so you get up and get ready and I'll make you a sandwich. The appointment is at three," she said before exiting.

 

 

Sitting at the doctors office, as we waited for the doctor to call Martha in, made me realize that I really do not want any children. All of these children wine and cry to their mothers about anything and watching them was exhausting. I couldn't imagine how more exhausting it would be if I was actually the mother of one of these kids.

“I am never going to have kids,” I said as I watched a little boy cry and spit out his food.

Martha laughed placing a hand on my thigh, “they are not that bad, Nicky.”

“That is what you say now, but watch when the baby is born and it starts spitting out it's food just like that boy; you are going to wish you've never had a kid. Isn't this your first kid?” I asked.

She laughed again and said, “It is, but I used to babysit my sister's kids and it was not that bad.”

“But you say that because at the end of the day they always just went back to their mother. This time you are going to be the mother and I am sorry to be the one to tell you this but this baby will be stuck with you for the rest of your life.”

“I'm counting on only eighteen years, Nicky,” she laughed, “I know you look at it this way now, but feeling this little living creature inside of you and knowing that it was the product of your love for someone, that rules out all the times it will cry.”

The way she talked about this baby made me realize that my father and her were really happy and that was enough for me. She truly did love my father and I was happy that he had found her instead of going out with some random hookers.

 

 

As we drove back home I couldn't stop thinking about this little baby inside of her. She was waiting to come out and I couldn't deny that I was excited to meet her. I was glad that Martha asked me to come with her because it really kept me busy and kept my mind from floating back to Harry. I was happy that I got to use this time to bond with Martha as well.

“Thank you for inviting me to come with you Martha,” I said actually meaning those words.

She placed a comforting hand on my thigh and said, “I am happy you agreed to come. I have another appointment in two week and you are welcomed to come if you want.”

“No,” I said but not to her. We were pulling up to the house and there outside stood that familiar tall lean body.

“What,” Martha asked her voice shocked.

“No not you. I am sorry I would love to go. I just I don't want to see him,” I said pointing at Harry.

He was standing there leaning against the door with a smirk across his face. It was as if nothing had happened. It was as if yesterday never happened and here he was standing outside my house waiting for me.

Martha and I stepped out of the car and she looked at me with an apologetic look. I gave her a slight smile letting her know that it was ok and I would be fine. She walked around the car and over to my side.

“Do you want me to ask him to leave,” she asked.

I smiled at her in appreciation, “No it's fine. I think I can handle it.”

She gave me a good luck smile then walked out into the house living me out by the car. Harry made his way towards me and I took in a deep breathe trying to keep calm and remind myself that this will only lead to disaster. I couldn't let myself get fooled by those beautiful green eyes that captivate me every time I look at them.

“Hey,” he said smiling that beautiful smile that makes my heart flutter and ache.

I shook my head trying to clear my mind and said, “What do you want Harry?”

He ran a hand through his hair it was almost as if he was having trouble with what he wanted to say. He turned around to face away from me and I stared at the back of his head wondering what was wrong with him. Why was he here?

“Harry,” I said, “What are you doing here?”

He sighed then turned to look at me again. His eyes sparkled as the sun began to set and I couldn't deny that he looked beautiful under the dim light of day.

“I seriously have no idea what I am doing here,” he laughed, “this is ridiculous. I...I am leaving now.”

“What,” I said confused, but he just shook his head making his curls flop in his face then turned around and walked away from me.

“Harry!” I yelled., but he just kept walking away towards his car.

I am not sure why or what I was thinking, but somehow my feet had a mind of their own and they began to move towards him.

“Harry! Stop!” I yelled when he reached his car.

He stopped dead in his tracks placing his hands on the roof of his car. He took in a deep breathe then pressed his forehead against his car. He looked as if something was bothering him and I wanted to know what it was. I wanted to know why he came here.

I took another step closer to him, unaware of how close I was to him now, I place a hand on his shoulder and watched as his breathing began to change. It was increasing rapidly and I could feel my heart beginning to match up with his breathing.

“Har –” I began to speak, but just as I opened my mouth to speak he turned around and wrapped an arm around my waist. In one swift move he pulled me up against him and next thing I knew my back was pressed up against his car and his lips were on mine. He was kissing me with so much hunger and I was enjoying every bit of it. My mind was lost in another world I was drifted into a nonexistent plane of the earth where nothing mattered. It was a place where I could only feel his touch and the way his lips moved hungrily over mine. There was no pain, no good or bad, it was just this feeling of lust and satisfaction that masked all the pain inside of me.

My hands moved up around his neck and I clenched a fist full of his curls feeling the softness in between my fingers. His lips began to move from my mouth across my jaw and down my neck. I could feel the wetness of his kissed along my neck making me part my lips slightly only to let out a low moan. His teeth slightly grazed over my skin leaving goosebumps in there wake. My breathing began to increase as I felt his lips close down onto my skin and he began to slightly suck. I clenched down onto his hair pulling it slightly and he released the tiny spot on my sink leaving a burning sensation. He then soothed that spot by lightly grazing his tongue along it.

His hips pressed up against me and I could feel his prominent bulge press against the inside of my thighs. I felt as his hands began to travel down my side as his lips moved back up to meet mine. His hand slipped up my shirt making the skin underneath his touch scorch with this blissfulness of pleasure. His hands were cold, but I enjoyed the way the cold of his skin made my skin react. His cold fingers then found their way into my bra and began to slowly and carefully caress one of my nipples.

The feeling was great making me moan against his lips. His hips pressed harder against me and I was beginning to feel a slight wetness between my legs. My heart was beating faster as his fingers twisted and played with my nipple. He then moved his hand down between us moving south towards the button on my jeans.

He fumbled with it trying to get his hand inside my jeans, his lips never leaving mine.

“Nicky,” I hear Martha yell.

Her voice immediately snapped me back to reality and pushed Harry off of me.

He stepped back a few feet looking exasperated and breathless. I stood there against his car trying to get my breathing back to normal.

What just happened? What was this?

We stood there staring at each other both of us questioning what the hell we had just done.

“Nicky!” I heard Martha yell again. I looked behind Harry and there stood Martha by the door and I wondered if she saw anything.

“Coming,” I yelled back.

I looked at Harry and he ran a hand through his curls probably regretting what we had just done. I wasn't sure how far it would have gotten, but I knew that it wasn't right. This will only bring me back to that black hole that I was so desperately trying to escape.

“Leave Harry,” I said, “Just leave and don't bother me, please.”

I could feel the tears wanting to escape and I was trying so hard not to show him weakness.

“Nico, I –”

“No Harry just go,” I said pushing past him and walking back towards my house.

I heard him let out an angry yell throwing his car keys on the ground before picking them up and walking into his car. I stood at my door next to Martha and watch as he banged on the steering wheel a few times before angrily driving away.

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