Broken (Harry Styles FanFic)

Part of me wanted to walk up to her and wrap her in my arms because as much as I hated her for making me feel this way; I also hated watching her cry. But the other part of me, the part that was build up with rage and pain, just wanted to walk away from all of this and never turn back.
I wasn't sure what part I wanted to listen to, so I just took a deep breathe trying to control my anger and took a few steps towards her. I tried my best not to hold her in my arms and whispered, “sometimes broken things can't be fixed, Monica.


3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 Harry's POV Everyone was left with shocked expressions. As soon as she walked out the door everyone began yelling at me. They began telling me how much a jerk I was and blah blah blah, but all I could hear were her words over and over in my head. Who the hell did she think she was? She was no one to be talking to me that way. I rolled my eyes at my friends and stood up ignoring their screams and lectures on how I should act. I began to walk out of the hotel room and I could hear Liam yelling at me to come back, but I ignored him and kept walking. I was sick and tired of everyone telling me that I should be nicer. I don't want to be nicer. The last time I was nice I ended up feeling like shit. Every visit to LA is the same. I begin to get all of these feelings of hatred towards everyone and the hatred is mostly cause by all of the painful memories that this city holds. Even watching how Zayn and Ella are so happy together brings out the worst in me. It just makes me mad how he has everything I ever wanted. I wanted to be with Monica I really did, but she had someone else. I knew from the beginning that she would never be mine and that is what hurts the most. I let myself get too involved with her knowing that she will never be mine. I took a deep breathe and walked over to the elevator thinking of Nicky and her rude rant. I really did not mean to be a jerk to her, but as soon as I walked out and saw her sitting on my seat my first thought was 'wow she is pretty.' I want to put on my best smile and be cheeky like I always was, but the memories of Monica flooded my head and she was the last girl I ever kissed and acted cheeky with. As soon as those memories of her came in I began to be rude to Nicky because it was the only way I knew on how to avoid a girl. I walked into the elevator and pushed the button that led up to the roof top. All the memories of Monica began to make me angry and the fact that Nicolette and my friends yelled at me was not making it any better. I was mad at myself and the whole world. When the elevator doors opened to the rooftop I was glad to find no one there. I headed to the edge of the roof and looked out at the view of the city. The sun was beginning to go down and the city looked nice as the darkness flowed in covering the city. And as the darkness came in I could feel the darkness building up in me as well. My anger was boiling in my body as well as this pain that I felt in my heart. I took in a deep breathe and then let out a loud yell that echoed through the city. As my yelling came to a silence I felt the calming breeze of the LA night hit my face soothing me making me feel calm. The serene feeling felt nice for a while until the ache in my pain began to grow with ever breathe I took. It was easier to feel angry then to feel this pain, but when the pain came it hit me harder than ever. I began to feel the tears trying to escape my eyes and as much as I fought back to keep them away; they just kept coming back. Soon there were tears streaming down my cheeks and the sharp pain in my chest made me aware of it. Why was I so stupid to ever fall for a girl that didn't belong to me? She was there smiling back at me making my heart flutter. Her laugh would always make me laugh. I never thought a laugh could be so adorable and I would learn to love it. Then when everything came crashing down I began to feel like had to fight for her. I had to do whatever it took to let her know that I loved her. The memory of that night when she told me she didn't love me was still fresh in my mind. ** Flashback ** Ella and Zayn came out of the bedroom staring at us oblivious of what was going on. Danny was staring at me like he wanted to murder me and I was staring at Monica hoping that maybe she would stand up for me. For us. “Monica what's going on,” Ella asked. Monica stared at her with a guilty expression on her face. Ella turned to look at me and I immediately began to feel guilty as well. I looked down trying to avoid her stare. “Harry,” Zayn said, “What's wrong mate?” No one spoke we just all stood there in silence until Danny spoke. “I'll tell you what's wrong. Monica here is cheating on me with this fucker,” he yelled throwing his hands in the air and pointing at me. “Danny,” Monica cried, “that's not what happen. I'm sorry.” Monica's words shocked me. What did she mean that was not what happen? That is exactly what happen. Monica and I have been together and I do feel guilty about her having a boyfriend, but I came here hoping she would chose me instead of him. Realization soon played across Ella's face. “Monica,” Ell said, “is this true?” “No,” Monica said quickly her words hitting me like daggers, then she paused and continued, “Yes, but I am sorry. It was a mistake. I'm sorry Danny.” She was pleading him and she stepped towards him. Danny stepped back and said, “You know what I am done here. We are done.” He walked out of the house not looking back. Monica was left in the middle of the living room crying. Why was she crying over him? I thought we had something. This was confusing. Monica turned to look at me and I wanted to hug her and tell her that everything was fine, but instead I said, “I didn't know he was here.” “Harry,” she said slowly, “just leave. I need to be alone.” As much as I wanted to stay I didn't want to argue with her right now, so I just nodded and walked away. I could feel Zayn following behind me and the last thing I needed was him yelling at me and telling me that I was making a mistake. “Harry hold up,” he said as I made it out the door. I stopped right outside the apartment door and Zayn looked at me with pity. “What happened?” He asked. “I fell in love with her, Zayn. I couldn't help it. One day we were just messing around and the next thing I know I couldn't stop thinking about her and all I want to do is be with her.” I said. “Mate she is with Dany,” he said. I rolled my eyes. He doesn't understand that she can leave him and be with me. “Just shut up right now I want to listen to what she is talking about with Ella,” I said and pressed my ear to the door. “I slept with Harry. That's what happen.” I heard Monica's muffled voice through the door. “You what?” Ella asked. “It was a couple weeks ago. I had gotten into an argument with Danny and I was in a vulnerable state. Harry was the only one here with me and he was nice to me. He kept telling me I deserve better and that he cared about me. One thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together.” “Oh my,” Ella said. “Harry stop,” Zayn said. “Ssh.” I said pushing him away. Monica began to speak again, “The thing was that he was different. I felt different with Harry.” “You mean like you are in love with him?” Ella asked. “No I am in love with Danny, but I like being with Harry. I feel fun and carefree when I am with him,” she said, “is it possible to be in love with two people at the same time?” Her words hit my heart like a million daggers. “The thing is that after that one night we kept seeing each other. It was only a couple times, but I liked being with him. He kept telling me to break up with Danny and be with him, but I couldn't. I love Danny. I kept telling him no, but I couldn't stay away from him either. I messed up Ella. Now that Danny walked away I realized I love him more than anything. I feel so bad. I want to be with Danny.” Her words kept maching my heart ache and I wasn't sure how much I could take. What about me? What about everything we shared together? I was there for her to talk to me. We shared so many laughs. Was it all just a game to her? “What about Harry?” Ella finally asked. Monica was silent for a second and pressed my ear harder against the door trying to hear her answer. “I don't love Harry. I can't be with him, but I don't want to hurt him,” she spoke, but it was already too late. She already hurt me. I stepped away from the door feeling angry and heartbroken. I looked at Zayn who was staring at me with sorry eyes. It was almost as if he knew that she didn't love me. I took in a deep breathe and then walked away with out saying anything. “Harry,” Zayn called out, but I ignored him and kept walking. **End of Flashback** I felt a sharp pain in my heart ever since I last saw Monica and that pain was still here reminding me that she will never love me. The memory of her ached my whole body. I missed her touch so much. I missed her laugh and the way her blonde hair flowed down perfectly. I missed everything about her. I let myself fall to the ground my back pressing against the wall. I let the tears fall wetting my cheeks. The cold breeze of the night making my heart feel colder than before. Why did love feel so empty and lonely? It's not suppose to feel this way. I clenched my fists thinking about the one person who was responsible for this empty feeling. I was feeling vulnerable and weak. It was stupid for a guy to be crying over a girl that was never meant to be his, but I couldn't help feel all of these different emotions. Love. Lust. Hate. Loneliness. And this anger and sadness that rushed through my body. No one will ever understand what it is like to love someone so much even though you know they will never love you. The worst part was that all of this love that I felt at the pit of my stomach doesn't go away as much as I tell myself that she belongs to someone else. She loves someone else. All I wanted to do was scream her name to the world and let everyone know how much I love her. I wanted to show her how so badly I wanted to be with her and make her happy. I wanted to be able to call her mine, but that will never be the case because she belonged to him. My veins burned with anger at the thought of her not being mine and belonging to someone else. She was never meant to be mine from the start and that made the anger in me boil up. Her lips were never mine to kiss. The soft touch of her hands were never meant for me. I would never know what it is like to be able to hold her hand in public and let everyone know that she was the one I wanted. But the thing that hurt the most was the fact that her heart was never mine and I will never deserve her love. Her love belonged to him and I couldn't envy him more than I already do for having the one thing that I want. He get to call her his while I sit here and cry like a loser. He get's to hold her when she is feeling and down and get's to hear her say those three words I so badly want to hear. All of these thoughts ached my heart and I couldn't help but let the tears roll out of my eyes. I began to sob burying my head between my knees as if the pain could escape through the tears.
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