Broken (Harry Styles FanFic)

Part of me wanted to walk up to her and wrap her in my arms because as much as I hated her for making me feel this way; I also hated watching her cry. But the other part of me, the part that was build up with rage and pain, just wanted to walk away from all of this and never turn back.
I wasn't sure what part I wanted to listen to, so I just took a deep breathe trying to control my anger and took a few steps towards her. I tried my best not to hold her in my arms and whispered, “sometimes broken things can't be fixed, Monica.


20. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

My eyes slowly began to open and I was a bit confused and disoriented. I looked around the room finding a sleepy Harry laying next to me. Suddenly the memory of Harry burying himself in me after saving me from a crying child flooded my mind. I smiled at the memory and I still couldn't believe that I was laying here next to him. Although it was just sex for both of us it still felt nice to wake up to him.

Harry's eyes fluttered open revealing his green orbs. I smiled at the sight of them thinking how they used to remind me so much of my mother, but now they just reflect Harry.

“Wow you are actually staring me straight in the eye,” he said his voice still groggy.

“What do you mean?” I asked furrowing my eyebrows together in confusion.

He yawned then spoke, “When I fist saw you here in London you couldn't look at me in the eyes. You used to look down or avoid my gaze. Your eyes would turn all watery and I could tell that you wanted to cry.”

I sighed turning my head so that I was looking up at the ceiling. I didn't even realized he noticed that.

“Do you want to know the truth?” I asked.

“The truth would be nice,” he said slowly.

“My mom had those same green eyes and every time I looked at yours her memory came back,” I said a bit embarrassed.

“Oh,” he said, “Well I'll make sure to buy contacts.”

I laughed and I wasn't sure why. Maybe it was a nervous laugh.

“You don't need to do that. I don't see her anymore. Now I just see you,” I said.

“Good, because I was starting to think it was a bit creepy that you were boning your mother,” he said jokingly.

I laughed grabbing the pillow behind my head and hit his head. His laughter filled the room and I felt my heart swell up. I've never heard him laugh before. He was usually always arguing with me or having sex with me. I stopped laughing and began to stare at him admiring the dimples that formed as his revealed his pearly white smile. I was enjoying the sweet musky sound of his laughter and I couldn't deny that it warmed my heart.

“Why are you staring at me?” He asked still giggling.

“When was the last time that you laughed like that?” I asked without thinking.

I shouldn't have asked that because as soon as the words came out of my mouth his eyebrows furrowed and his pearly white smile disappeared. He looked as if he was thinking about something, but he was sad about it. Almost as if he was remembering a sad memory. His eyes glisten with a hint of pain and I could help but feel bad and guilty for asking that question.

“Harry,” I whispered afraid of what he would do or say if I interrupted his train of thought.

“Sorry,” he whispered back taking his hand and running it through his hair.

“No I'm sorry. I ask a lot of questions sometimes and I can be inappropriate too,” I said.

His lips curved a bit into what I think was a smile and said, “It's just that I couldn't remember when the last time that I laughed like that was and when I started remembering...”

He trailed off and his eyebrows furrowed once more.

“You don't have to tell me,” I said.

“No I sort of want to,” he said.


“The last time I actually laughed was a day when Monica and I pulled a prank on the band,” he lightly smiled then continued, “it was fun.”

He talked about her almost as if he missed her and wished he could go back to that day when he was with her. I've never heard him talk about anyone like that and it was as if he was still in love with her. I could feel this knot at the pit of my stomach start to form and I knew this feeling. It was jealousy. I mean how could I not be jealous when he is here lying naked in my bed with me and talking about some other girl that he clearly still loves. Ugh. This is ridiculous Harry and I are nothing. We are just to people having sex. I shouldn't be feeling this way.

“Do you still love her?” I blurted out.

Shit. Ugh. Me and my big mouth.

“What?” He asked with shock clearly displayed on his face.

“I am so sorry Harry? You don't have to answer that just ignore me,” I said pulling the covers over my head, “you can leave if you want. Thank you for helping me with....i don't even know the baby's name.”

“Scarlet,” he said confusing me.


He pulled the covers down to reveal my face and as he did that; his beautiful green eyes came into view. I felt my pulse began to quicken as he stared down at me. He began to move close to me his lips lightly brushing over mine. They barely touched and I had to fight back the urge to move forward and make them touch.

“Her name is Scarlet,” he whispered.

“Oh,” was all I managed to say.

He then backed up getting up from the bed. He was leaving. As much as I didn't want him to leave I knew that he had to go. I couldn't blame him I had probably just ruined his day by asking him about Monica, but I just couldn't help myself. I already knew the answer to my question, but I wanted to hear it from him. Mostly just to remind myself that this is nothing more than just sex.

I watched him as he pulled his up his tight jeans over his legs. I couldn't stop staring at those v lines that peaked out of his jeans. Those v line that I just wanted to run my finger through until they led me to my destination.

“I do,” he said softly. So softly that I almost didn't hear it.

“What?” I asked.

“I do still love her,” he said running his hands through his hair.

“Harry, you didn't have to –“

He interrupted, “No. I did. Ever since the last time I left LA everyone has been telling me it'll all be ok. They ask me if I am doing alright or if I need anything. They tell me to forget about her and that there are many fish in the sea, but no one has ever asked me if I still loved her. And I do still love her. And that is what hurts the most. Loving her knowing that they were and will never be yours. It hurts to know that no matter how many girls you sleep with and no matter how many drinks you take in at the end you still love her. I still love her and loving someone is the worst type of pain that anyone can endure.”

His eyes were at the brink of tears and I wasn't sure what to say to him. He was standing here in front of me telling me about how painful it is to love her and all I wanted to do was take him in my arms and tell him that I could help him forget about her, but that is not what he wanted to hear. It hurt me to see him like this and it hurt me to know that he still loved her. Although part of me already knew that; I somehow hoped that maybe he would tell me he doesn't love her and that there might be a chance with me. It was stupid of me to think that especially since we have an agreement.

“Harry,” I spoke trying to figure out what to say to him.

“I am sorry,” he said pulling down his t shirt and slipping on his boots. He began to walk out the of my bed room and I wanted to stop him. I wanted to tell him to come back to bed with me. To lay here with me.

He stopped by the door and turned around giving me some hope that maybe he will stay here with me.

“When Scarlet wakes up just check her dipper and give her a bottle she might be hungry. If she cries sing to her and give her that ratty old monkey she loves,” he said then walked out of the bedroom leaving me naked and alone.

I groaned throwing myself back onto my bed. I was such an idiot. Why did I have to ask her so many questions? I was seriously so stupid. The worst part of it all was that I know that my questions derive from that feeling that I get at the pit of my stomach whenever I am with him. This was no longer just sex for me. I was starting to grow feeling for Harry and part of me knows that this was never just sex for me form the start.

I thought that this would be fun. That I would just be fooling around with Harry and that would be it. But now I catch myself thinking about him and picturing his piercing green eyes. Those green eyes that I used to be so terrified to look at, but now they are the eyes I yearn for. Now my body craves for his touch. For that feeling he ignites in me whenever his fingertips trace my body.

I can't seem to get him out of my head and that scares me. It is like he has somehow taken over my mind.

A cry breaks me from my thoughts and I begin to get out of the bed throwing on a tshirt and my some underwear not really bothering to put on some pants.

I go down to the guest room and find the baby, Scarlet, crying. I did as Harry told me and check for a dirty diaper and with my luck I found it to be dirty. I groaned knowing that I had to change the diaper and I couldn't just leave her like that because she would just cry. I just wasn't born to be a mother. This was all just too much for me.

After I cleaned her up and fed her I gave her her monkey. She seemed to behave herself and that monkey was a true miracle worker. I hoped that she wouldn't cry because I wasn't sure if I could sing to her. I haven't sang anything since my mom died and I wasn't sure if I could sing again. She was the one that always told me I should try out to go out there and make something out of my singing.

I sat down on the couch watching the baby play with her monkey. She looked so innocent and peaceful. I envied her for living with so much innocence.

An hour later the door bell rang and little Scarlet was gone. I sighed and then walked up to my room pulling the covers over me and falling into a deep sleep.


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