A Silent Love - Faberry

A Faberry FanFiction.
Rachel and Quinn have been apart for years. Both of their lives have changed and they've had successes, and failures, in their own ways. Can they overcome the years apart and all that was missed to admit the feelings that they have? Or, will they move further down different paths?

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7. Together, We Can Do Anything

I woke with a scream, again. But Rachel was already awake and had her arm wrapped around me. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m here,” she comforted me. She must have been awake for a while, and was expecting me to do this. I didn’t say anything; I just pulled my legs up closer to my chest. Her grip tightened around me as she pulled me closer into her. we lay there for a while, Rachel running her hand over my face and head, keeping the hair from my face, and me just laying, staring straight ahead.
“Thank you, again,” I spoke after a few minutes silence as I began to sit up.
“That’s okay,” was all she said back to me.
“Do you want me to make you breakfast?” I asked. I was feeling as though I had been taking advantage of her while I’d been here. I wanted to do something for her.
“No, I can make us something,” she replied.
“Please,” I begged, “I really want to. You’ll love it!”
She looked down at me and smiled, “Okay, okay. Thank you. It’ll be the first meal I’ve had cooked for me for a while.”
“Well then, I hope I make it good enough for you. I haven’t cooked for a while so I’m a bit rusty. But I’m sure you’ll enjoy it,” I talked myself up. Not a lot, but just a little. It was true that I hadn’t cooked for a while as I was too busy. I stood and walked over to the kitchen. I had no idea what I wanted to make, I didn’t even know what supplies Rachel had here. Though, knowing her, she’d have everything you could ever possibly need even if she never used it. She is a very organised person, always has been.
I know that she doesn’t like fried foods, especially in the morning. That took out many of the things possibly of making. I rested my hands on the counter and hung my head down. A bright arrangement caught my off to my right. I looked up and across at it. Of course, her fruit bowl. She always bragged about her healthy shakes and fruit salad of a morning. Fruit is one of my favourite things, especially of a morning, something about it makes it that little bit better of a morning.
I crossed to the bowl, picking an assortment of the bright, juicy fruits. I had at least one of everything, and then I moved to the fridge to see what I could incorporate into my masterpiece in the making. I found a tub of Greek yoghurt along with some strawberries and blueberries. I put the yoghurt, some of the berries and a sliced up banana into the blender, which was conveniently placed on the counter, and mixed them to create a creamy smoothie. I cut and sliced the remaining fruit and placed it in a bowl, pouring some canned pineapple over the top even adding a bit of the juice. It mixed in nicely to create a juice of all the different fruits and had the consistency of porridge almost. I walked across the room to the door to the dining table and saw Rachel sitting on the lounge drying her hair with a towel. I didn’t think I had taken that long, and I know that Rachel has a very elaborate shower routine. Obviously I had been longer than I’d thought because I know that she would never skip any part of her ritual.
“Breakfast is served Ms Berry,” I addressed her.
“Why thank you Ms Fabray,” she answered, turning around and facing me before standing and making her way over to the table. I pulled out her chair for her then pushed it in underneath her.
“I hope you enjoy it. It’s not the greatest or most impressive thing, but I know how much you like your smoothies and health food. I’ll make something more special next time.”
“Don’t worry about it. I think that the simpler it is the better and the more appreciative I am. So thank you very much for taking the time to make me this delicious brekkie.”
“It is my pleasure. And it’s the least I can do in return for your hospitality. You been most welcoming and made me feel very at home,” I thanked her and waited to see how she would respond.
“I’m honoured. Anything for a friend,’ she replied, tilting her head, looking at me with an adoring look on her face.
“Thank you,” I declared before looking down at my bowl, signalling that she should start eating. And once she’d had a spoonful, I followed. We ate in relative silence, talking every few spoonful’s about nothing in particular.
Once we’d finished, I collected our dishes and took them to the kitchen. I had just run the warm, soapy water when Rachel came in took over from me so that I could go shower and get ready for the day.
I stood in the shower feeling the warm water cascading down my back after it had sprayed out of the shower head. It washed away the dirt from my skin. Sometimes I had the water so it felt like my skin was peeling off, but it got rid of him for long enough for me to forget about it for at least a little while. I still have not told anyone. People have asked why I scream at night or spend abnormally long in the shower. But no one has been more understanding than Rachel about it. she has just accepted it without asking questions. She doesn’t want something to gossip about. I think she knows that I trust her and doesn’t want to jeopardise that by pushing me. I thought of Rachel standing here, just moments before and thought of what it would be like to be in here with her. Then I felt horrible for thinking such a thing when she was here. And she’s so innocent and naïve. I can’t control these thoughts occurring and enjoy them while they last, then hate myself for thinking of her that was. But I just wish I could be with her, instead of wishing and hoping. I want to look her in the eyes and tell her I love her, hopefully to have her do the same to me. I want to wake in the morning with her beside me and be able to wrap my arm around her then just lay for hours, with nowhere to be, no one to see and no one to please but ourselves.
I felt like crying for some reason, I was happy here with her, but I wish she knew how I really feel. I want to be able to tell her that I love her and have her feel the same, and not freak out and hate me. Maybe the day will come, maybe not. I will just have to settle for having her as a friend for the time being. I will see how things go over the next few days and by then I might have worked up the courage to talk to her. To let it all out.
I finished in the shower and dressed in a pale blue sundress with a brown belt. I didn’t know what I would be up to today, I’ll have to ask Rachel what she’s got planned then work something out.
Rachel had made her way back to the lounge and seemed as if she was waiting for me. I looked to my watch on my wrist and it said 10:45am. That’s nearly forty minutes after I had finished breakfast. I dreaded this would happen, as I didn’t want to stay in there for ages and keep Rachel waiting. Or have her thinking I was planning on doing nothing except live off her offerings. I had planned on going out and doing something, but with the time being later than I had thought, it restricted a few things that I had in mind.
“Hey. Sorry I was so long. I didn’t think so long had passed,” I apologised feeling quite ashamed that I had spent so long.
“It’s not a big deal. Don’t worry about it.” I didn’t think it was a massive deal, but I’m sure that soon enough, she’s going to have enough of me if I keep on the way I am. I’m glad that she doesn’t mind at the moment, but I will definitely be more cautious of things next time.
“You may not think so yet, but soon enough you’ll be annoyed by it. It’s okay, it won’t happen again. You probably can’t wait to get rid of me.”
“Don’t be silly. I love having you around, and don’t think that you’re a problem in any way. Moving on, what do we want to do today?”
Before I could answer, Rachel’s phone rang. She skipped across to the table excitedly and looked at the screen. “It’s a private number,” she said as she looked up at me for a moment before answering. “Hello?” she enquired of the person through the phone.
I could hear muffled voices, unable to make out what was being said. She put her hand over the speaker and moved the phone away from her mouth then whispered to me, “It’s the Funny Girl producers!” her face beamed with her beautiful smile and she tried to contain her excitement. She continued speaking to them and nodded her head every now and then. She looked as if she was taking order or instructions from someone and started to wander around the room as she spoke.
She hung up, tossed her phone onto the lounge then pranced around. “I got a call-back! They want me to play the part of Fanny, the main character,” she half-screamed with excitement.
“Rachel!” I began, “that’s amazing. I’m so proud of you and happy for you!”
She ran towards me and spread her arms. I held mine out when she got closer then took a few steps forward to meet her before embracing her. She gripped me tightly, her hands pressing on the middle of my back. I could feel her smile on the side of my head. I hugged her back just as tight and never wanted to let go. But when she loosened her grip, her muscles relaxed and I knew it was over.
“Is this the one you thought you wouldn’t get?” I enquired as we both took a step back.
“Yes, it was a shocking audition on my part. A bit of an off day I think. But, you were the lucky charm!” she half shouted again.
“I don’t think I had anything to do with it.”
“Of course you did. I know when I’m not going to get something. And when you turned up, everything brightened and my mind had been taken off it. But then I started to feel more confident because I wasn’t worrying about it.”
“Or maybe you were just so brilliant like always that you were sure to get it no matter what happened?” I teased. I knew that she loved it when people complimented her on her talents.
“Well, yes, that is a possibility. But I know that you are some kind of lucky charm.”
“Okay then, I believe you,” I gave up arguing with a smile. “What do we want to do to celebrate?”
“I don’t know but I’m so excited! I feel like shopping. Do you want to go shopping?”
“Yeah, why not?” I agreed and smiled.
“Aright then, shopping it is,” she said excitedly and grabbed her bag on our way out the door. After she had slid the door shut after me and locked it, she looped her arm in the crook of mine and led me out to her car.
We headed across the town and pulled off the main road into a less busy street. There was a promenade around the corner and the big mall in the opposite direction. We started at the promenade, zigzagging in and out of the little boutique stores. Most people think they have dodgy clothes and only the poorer people shop there, but for the average price of five dollars, they are great clothes at a great price. Just because they’re cheap, doesn’t mean that they’re any worse than other clothes. We tried on anything and everything that we could find, creating silly combinations and taking photos of each other wearing them. Many of there were ridiculous, but there were some lovely clothes in these stores. With every shop we left, our stack of bags grew until we reached the end and heading back to the car.
Once we’d packed the bags into the car, we went for round two across at the mall. Since we hadn’t gone all out at the beginning and the clothes weren’t expensive, we could go to the more high class ones. Thought, neither of us was concerned about how much we spent. It was a celebration; we had enough money to do it, and were just treating ourselves.
We stopped at a café on the way in and refuelled so that we could keep shopping. Not that we were rushing around, but we didn’t want to spend too long sitting there because the afternoon rush would soon begin and we wanted to get a head start. Neither of us cared about being there when it was on, we just wanted to be able to go slower if we got in and did what we wanted now so we could take our time alter.
There were a few stores that we both wanted to visit so we went to them first. After that we just wandered around whatever shop we came to that took our fancy. We worked out way through the three levels, collecting bags once again as we went along.
We left the shopping centre and walked through the quiet streets. It was lovely in this part of town, especially at this time of day. The sun was beginning to set and the sky was turning a brilliant, bright orange and pink. In about three-quarters of an hour it would be dark, and the beautiful colours would be gone. Like all good things in the world, it had to come to an end.
We had left at the perfect time; we would now beat the rush hour of traffic leaving the centre after the influx of people into it earlier. I noticed, as we pulled out, that there was already a line of cars at the exit. I felt sorry for the people trapped in the line as they would be stuck in traffic lines like that they whole way to wherever they were going. That was the only problem with living in such big and bust cities like New York. LA isn’t so bad in areas, it really depends where you are, but in New York, you can count on bad traffic and mobs of people everywhere. Except for maybe the high crime rate areas and shady districts. No one wants to be stuck there, at any time of day or night.
I was in fairy land the whole ride home, not that it’s a very long drive, but I had been looking out the window at the beautiful colours in the sky when they suddenly disappeared and were replaced by a familiar brick building.
We lugged the precious cargo up the stairs after some altercations. It took us two trips each to get it all out, but three trips to get it all upstairs.
Dark had set in by the time we were ready to stay in the house. When we walked into the apartment after the last trip, we sat the bags down, took a few steps and collapsed on the lounge. “I don’t know about you, but my feet are killing me,” I complained, leaning forward to remove my shoes. It felt so good to have the air on them after they’d been enclosed in my shoes for so long. They felt as though they’d swollen to be twice the size.
“I know how you feel,” she answered and breathed out heavily.
“Here, pass you’re foot up,” I commanded her sweetly. She swung it up and I caught it before it could hit me, then I placed it down on my lap. She had sandals that were like half shoes but had a bit of a heel. They were kept on by a strap that had a small buckle. I undid the buckle and pulled off her shoe, revealing her bright red painted toenails. I pulled her other leg up onto me and repeated the same thing then leant back, keeping her feet on my lap. I rubbed them softly, almost massaging them and she closed her eyes for a few minutes. I closed my as well and kept massaging her feet.
“And people say that shopping isn’t a sport,” Rachel teased after a few minutes. “You definitely need to be fit to do it.”
“Well I would take it up, but I’d have to be in better shape.”
“You’re better off than I am, Quinn. After being a cheerio for so long and the way that Sue made you train.”
“Yeah, I miss it though. She was tough and annoying and I hated it most of the time I was there then, but now I want that back and I want to do it more. Lucky Santana got to go off to college with it.”
“Well, you very well could have,” she said rather quietly.
“If I hadn’t gotten into that accident you mean.”
“Yeah…” she trailed off.
“You don’t still blame yourself do you?”
“Yes, I do. Especially hearing you talk like this now.”
“Rach, I’ve been through worse things than that. It wasn’t your fault, I was the one texting.”
“But it was my message you were answering,” she said and her voice cracked a little.
“Rach, we’ve had this conversation before. Don’t blame yourself, I have experienced worse, trust me.” she went quiet and I noticed a single tear run down her cheek. I moved her feet off me and slid over closer to. She knew what was coming and relaxed her head onto my shoulder as I wrapped my arm around her, hugging her tightly.
“I am happy with how my life has turned out, save a few events that I wish I could be rid of. But I’ve been blessed to have so much.”
“Are the events that you wish you could be rid of the ones that make you scream at night time?”
“Umm…” I didn’t know what to say. It made me feel ashamed to think back to that time.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. Don’t worry about it,” she said quickly.
“No, I owe it to you. You were then when I woke up and you held me until I was okay, and you deserve to know,” I began, taking a deep breath before I continued. “Very shortly after I came to visit you here with Santana, that time Kurt called us to convince you not to do the topless movie scene, I was… attacked.” She opened her mouth to speak but I cut her off as I continued. “I had been out late in the library cramming before an exam and had a late night. I could hear voices in the corridor, male voices, and I just thought that some girl had had her boyfriend or some guy over; it wouldn’t be the first time, even though it was meant to be strictly no boys in the girls’ dorms. So I just lay there, not worrying. I thought nothing of it and drifted off to sleep. I woke up after feeling my bed sink at my feet and it felt like someone sitting down. I lifted my head a little and saw a figure at the end of my bed. I tried to sit up but was pushed back by another person. Before I could scream, a hand was covering my mouth and pushing me against the bed. They were both men. I tried to bite the man covering my mouth, but he just pushed harder, that kept my mouth open and unmoving. He then pulled out two pieces of cloth. One he stuffed in my mouth, the next he tied around my head to keep the other one in there so I couldn’t make any noise except groan and no one was going to hear that.” I felt tears form in my eyes and looked down for a moment. When I looked back up and at Rachel, she too had tears in her eyes. She couldn’t speak, and I didn’t blame her. I felt ashamed telling her this and I hoped she didn’t find me disgusting or worthless for it. “The man that had been sitting on my bed stood up and climbed back on top of me. He sat on me, around my waist and struggled with me as I tried to get him with my arms. He grabbed them both and held them tight. Between them, they were able to get my hands above my head and tie more pieces of cloth around my wrists and attach them to the bed head. I was stuck there, no way of moving. All I had left to attempt to defend myself was my legs. But even that was no use, as by the time I thought of that, they’d tied my feet together and plus, the guy was still sitting on me. I was defenceless, so at that point I just gave in and figured that I would just have to endure whatever was coming. There was no chance that my roommate would walk in because I didn’t have one. The man got off me and they stood there looking at me for a minute. I didn’t want to see them, or have them see me so I turned my head away from them to face the wall. And then… then…” my breath hitched and I started to heave for breath as I choked on my tears.
I saw Rachel’s arms go out when I was looking down into my lap and I just leant forward. She moved closer to me and my head landed just under her chin. She rubbed my back and held me, unmoving. “Quinn… I’m so sorry…” she didn’t seem to know what to say to me. Who would? When someone tells you something like that, I didn’t expect her to say anything let alone apologise. So sorry that you had to go through that,” she consoled me, but I couldn’t speak. I’m too ashamed and afraid.
After about ten minutes, I recovered enough to speak. “You don’t need to apologise, it wasn’t your fault. You’re the first person that I’ve told, or even mentioned it to. I’ve always felt too ashamed and dirty. And I still do.”
“I know it’s not my fault… but you deserve and apology, form whoever that may be. It should never have happened to you. It’s not shameful either, don’t think worse of yourself or blame yourself. You couldn’t control it.” I can tell that she’s lost for words and shocked, but she’s trying. And surprisingly she’s finding the right words. Nothing helps too much, but her words are a little consoling.
“I know that… but I can’t help but think it. They’ve made me feel like that. After it happened I just laid in bed for what I think was days. I physically couldn’t move and I had no emotional strength. I still don’t really. I still cry at night time, wondering if there’s anyone in the shadows just waiting for me to drift off so that they can come out and get me.”
“I have no idea how terrified you would be. But why did you stay living there by yourself. You could have come and stayed here.”
“I wanted to stay independent and able to look after myself. But now it’s just too much and I wanted to get out of that town as soon as I could. I’m not going back there. Ever. I want to stay here, with you and start fresh and try to forget about the past. I know it’ll be hard, but I want to try.”
“Well I’ll help you one hundred per cent. Whatever you need, just ask. I have free time and won’t be too tied down with Funny Girl if I get the part. I want to help you, Quinn. I really do,” she said in a quiet voice and I knew by the way she spoke and the look on her face that she meant it. she was easy to read, always has been.
“Thank you. But don’t you give up your dreams for it. You keep working hard to get on Broadway, make that your first priority. Don’t hold yourself back for me.”
“Quinn, you know me better than a lot of people, and I think you know that there’s no chance of anyone getting in the way of my Broadway dreams. But if you find it too hard or need anything, tell me. Because I don’t want you to do something that you’ll regret, or hurt yourself.”
“Thank you, Rachel so much. I couldn’t ask for a better friend,” I said, tearing up again. I half launched myself at her and embraced her tightly. I never want to let go of her.
“Neither could I, Quinn,” her voice cracked and from her breathing I could tell that she too was crying. “We’ll look after each other. I believe we can get through anything together.”
 

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