A Silent Love - Faberry

A Faberry FanFiction.
Rachel and Quinn have been apart for years. Both of their lives have changed and they've had successes, and failures, in their own ways. Can they overcome the years apart and all that was missed to admit the feelings that they have? Or, will they move further down different paths?


8. Beneath Your Beautiful

~~We had fallen asleep on the lounge again, and as usual I woke with a scream. Rachel now expected it every day and knew my reasons so I was better off than I’d ever been. She’d left the light on as a test to see if I found it any better, or easier to sleep. I will admit, it helped a little because I didn’t feel suffocated by the darkness or completely blind by the lack of light. As long as the light isn’t too bright, just a dull glow, I think that it will work great.
Rachel had her call-back today and had asked me to go along with her so we had to be up early and ready. She was scheduled for eight, the first one of the day. We had a quick breakfast; I had to convince her to eat as she was so nervous she was considering skipping it, which is highly unusual for her. All through high school she rode all of us to have breakfast every day and never skip a meal.
It was at one of the theatre centres on Broadway, a big banner advertising it hung down the wall facing the street with big words reminding everyone that it is coming soon. How soon that would be would depend on when casting was complete. I felt nervous for Rachel, mostly because I hate to see her when she’s been let down. After the NYADA audition when she choked, she didn’t sleep for days and was in a bad way. But I was confident that she would get this, she was by far good enough to take it on, and it was just a matter of whether or not these people saw it.  Even at her worst she’s still an amazing performer.
Inside the building, there were people rushing in every direction like ants in a mound. Everyone had their role and they were zooming around doing it. The props and stage settings were being made in every direction you looked; in fact there was stuff around everywhere. Everywhere except the stage. It was squeaky clean and empty, as was the sea of seats surrounding it, except for three people sitting in the middle with clipboards.
“I guess it’s time then. The moment of truth,” she whispered, like she was afraid that the people would hear her, even though we were far out of earshot. I took her bag off her and wished her well before she tottled down the stairs and onto the stage. She looked so alone up there. I wish I could be up there and sing with her. I miss it so much. The last time I sung on stage was when I returned home to Lima for thanksgiving. I noticed her skirt moving and figured that she must be shaking so much that it is causing it to move.
One of the people with clipboards, a woman, asked Rachel to introduce herself and the song that she would be singing. “Hello, my name is Rachel Berry and I will be singing Beneath Your Beautiful by Emilie Sande and Labyrinth.” She began to belt out the song and her voice rang through the arena, strong and moving as always. She wasn’t offered a microphone, and she didn’t need one. She is such a powerful singer.
 You tell all the boys ‘no’
It makes you feel good, yeah.
I know you're out of my league
 But that won't scare me away, oh, no
You've carried on so long,
 You couldn't stop if you tried it.
 You've built your wall so high
 That no one could climb it,
 But I'm gonna try.
Would you let me see beneath your beautiful?
 Would you let me see beneath your perfect?
 Take it off now, girl, take it off now, girl
 I wanna see inside
 Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight?
You let all the girls go
 Makes you feel good, don't it?
 Behind your Broadway show
 I heard a boy say, "Please, don't hurt me"
 You've carried on so long
You couldn't stop if you tried it.
You've built your wall so high
That no one could climb it.
But I'm gonna try
Would you let me see beneath your beautiful?
Would you let me see beneath your perfect?
Take it off now, boy, take it off now, boy
I wanna see inside
Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight, oh, tonight?
I'm gonna climb on top your ivory tower
I'll hold your hand and then we'll jump right out
We'll be falling, falling but that's OK
'Cause I'll be right here
I just wanna know
Would you let me see beneath your beautiful?
Would you let me see beneath your perfect?
Take it off now, girl, take it off now, girl
'Cause I wanna see inside
Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight?
See beneath your beautiful, oh, tonight.
We ain't perfect, we ain't perfect, no.
Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight?
I sat unmoving when she had finished. I couldn’t wrap my head around why she had chosen that song. She always goes for a Broadway or classic song for auditions. The same woman spoke again as she told Rachel that they would be in touch shortly. They never gave anything away, not even the slightest hint that they were impressed.
She rushed back up to me and I handed her back her bag. “You did great Rach. That was amazing!”
“Thank you. That was nearly the most nervous I’ve been about an audition. I don’t know whether it’s because of the part I may get to play or because you’re here.”
“When have you ever been intimidated or affected by me being around or not? That kind of thing never usually bothers you. The only time I ever remember it being a big deal was when the NYADA teacher came to Nationals in Chicago.”
“Yeah, well we know how that turned out. And I f that’s any indication then I’m looking very forward to the verdict. That was lucky and I can only hope that this goes as well.”
“I’m sure it’ll turn out fine, if your performance was any indication.” We turned and left passing again through the busy workers. Outside the building, we were greeted with honking horns and more rushing people. We got in the car and began the drive home. We pulled up in a traffic queue at a set of lights. We would be here for a while since it was one of the main streets, and being Broadway. My mind wandered back to my thoughts before Rachel returned. Why did she choose that song? I was certain she would have gone for a Broadway song, maybe even one from Funny Girl; it was very unusual for her especially since she was auditioning for a Broadway show.
“Rachel?” I began and she turned to me at the mention of her name. “Why did you choose that song?”
“Well, actually... for you.”
“You chose that song for me?” I asked again. Although it was quite clear that that was what she had said. I just couldn’t really believe it.
“Yes. For the lyrics more than anything, they are so true in many situations, even yours. I have always found you beautiful but until the last year of high school, I never really go to see what you were like underneath, who you really were and are.”
I didn’t know what to say. All I could muster, from the bottom of my heart was a feeble, “Thank you,” before looking down. I started, as usual with thinking about all the things that I could have said and started kicking myself for not thinking of it when I had to the chance to say it.
“You deserve it,” she whispered back. I don’t know if I was meant to hear it or not, but I did.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve had a song dedicated to me, probably not since sophomore year when I was pregnant.”
Her face twisted a little, but she didn’t say anything. She just kept looking ahead waiting for the lights to change to that we could proceed home. I have a feeling that she was refraining from saying something. I would like to know what it is she has to stop herself from saying, as we are usually pretty open with each other. Because we both know that we can sometimes say things in the heat of the moment. But why she was stopping herself was unusual as she, of all people, was the most open of everyone I knew. All through high school, everyone hated her for it and she was found very annoying, but we’re all quite a bit like that now.
The lights changed and the cars in front of us moved on. We sat there still, unmoving. Rachel had frozen for a moment and was just staring ahead. I went to open my mouth and before I could say anything, a horn honked behind us and she sprung to attention. She leant forward and adjusted herself in her seat then put her foot down and moved ahead to catch up with the rest of the cars.
Neither of us said anything for the rest of the drive back to her apartment. I looked out the window at the faded facades, rubbish lining some of the streets, the usual rush of people and the occasional homeless person sitting with their belongings in a hideaway trying to keep warm.
When we pulled up out the front, we sat there for a minute or two. I made the first move toward getting out of the car. I opened the door and was half out the door when the first snowflake drifted down and settled on my nose. There were more following it and I got excited. I love winter, mainly for the snow. “Rachel, it’s snowing, quick!” I encouraged her and as soon as I said snow, she was moving her fastest in a flurry to get out and witness it with me.
Once I knew that she was coming, I stepped out of the car completely to stand in the middle of the pavement and looked up at it drifting down to us. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her arrive next to me. We stood looking up at the snow together for a few minutes. I looked down and across at her as she stood smiling. Snow brought back the little kid in all of us. She looked like she was five years old again and it was her first winter that she could remember. Well, I imagine that that’s what she’d have looked like. I know that I get taken back to my first winter every time I see snow. Winter brings great things for me, it always has. And it takes my mind off all the bad, as it is right now. I feel I am able to forget, even if it’s for a little while. I forget about it long enough to forget why I need to.
I thought about the past few days and how great they’ve been, compared to how horrible the last few years have been. I thought about us sleeping on the lounge every night I’ve been here, dinner at the Italian restaurant and Rachel holding me at night when I woke up. I thought of her singing that song for me. Not for the audition, or the people making a decision about her, just for me.
All these signs pointed to what I have been hoping. She can’t be doing all these things and acting this way, just because she thinks that we’re really good friends. It has to be something more. I know that it is for me. I just have to tell her. I’m sure she feels the same; no one acts like this because they like their friend a lot. We stood in the snow for a long time, I’m not sure exactly how long, but it was close to lunch time by the time we went inside.
After we’d had lunch, we made an informed decision to go across the temporary ice rink that they set up every winter. There was hardly anyone else there other than us. It was nice that it was so empty because it meant that we had more space and room, rather than how cramped it can be during the busier times.
We skated round for hours. We mucked around, pretending to trip each other over, and then chasing each other around. There were several spills, without a doubt. We both fell on our butts and even a few face plants. But we were always there to help each other up. Rachel’s hands were toasty warm, the few times she helped me up, compared to mine anyway. She had actually bothered to keep her gloves on, whereas I had taken mine off because they annoy me too much. She was a replica of a figure skater as she glided across the ice gracefully. So serene and beautiful, yet not afraid or too pedantic. She wasn’t even trying and she looked perfect.
Afterwards, we sat on a bench down the road and just talked. About nothing in particular, just whatever came to mind. Then we decided to head home. We walked the short distance to her car and greeted the car air conditioning with arms out wide. I love winter, but the temperatures can get a bit ridiculous.
We ordered pizza, triple cheese and sat on the lounge room floor. After a big day, the food tasted so much better than it normally would. We hadn’t eaten much that day and it was nice to be able to enjoy nice pizza.
The day was coming to an end. But I wish it wasn’t as I had been having such a great time these last few days. I had actually been able to forget about Him and just live for now and not think about the past. I mean it genuinely. A lot of people say it to try and show how much fun that they’re having. I say it because it’s true and because of it, I am falling deeper in love with Rachel Berry every day.

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