Only When I Walk Away (Under Major Editing)

Don't you only love me when I walk away?


16. Chapter 16


                Liam’s POV

                “Why are we doing this again?” Harry asked quietly beside me.

                I shushed him, bumping my elbow against his, a look of offense passed over him. I squinted my eyes focusing my vision ahead of me. I noticed in my peripheral vision Harry doing the same. My legs were beginning to ache from crouching for so long.

                “Please tell me your legs hurt just as much as mine do,” Harry said.

                I shushed him again, and this time he rolled his eyes. I gripped the leaves of the bush in front of me, peering closer. Harry did the same, before beginning to pull a few leaves off the bush, most likely out of boredom.

                “Don’t you find this to be a bit creepy?” Harry whispered. At this point, his legs had given out and had decided to sit on the grass. He continued to pull out more leaves, before aligning them in a circle on the ground. “I mean, we’re spying on Lotus’ boyfriend behind some bushes.”

                It was true. Harry and I had been crouched behind a thicket of bushes for the past ten minutes. As soon as we noticed Josh walking alone rather suspiciously, we decided to take matters into our own hands. During the time passed, he had sat down on a lonely bench, eyes glued to his phone, only looking up every once in a while. As if he was waiting for someone. I knew it couldn’t be Lotus, considering she was in a lesson right now.

                “Look,” I began. “I’ve noticed Lotus has been eating lunch alone lately.” I shrugged. “I just want to know what’s been going on.”

                “Just talk to her mate,” Harry groaned.

                “No,” I said rather loudly. I quickly covered my mouth, looking back at Josh. I sighed in relief to find him still on his phone. “She made a choice, Harry. Remember?”

                “You’re being stubborn.”

                “And you’re being annoying.”

                Harry’s eyebrows furrowed, he pursed his lips. He went back to pulling out leaves and aligning them on the grass.  

                I sighed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean that.”

                Harry shrugged. “Whatever. I just think – “

                “Harry? Liam?”

                Both of us looked in the direction of the familiar voice. Slim figure, blonde ponytail swinging, Eva raised a hand waving towards Harry and I. My eyes widened in horror as she continued waving, a large grin spread across her cheeks.

                “What are you guys doing?” She had finally stopped waving.

                Harry and I began raising a frantic finger in front of our lips, signaling her to keep quiet. She began walking towards us, oblivious to our pleas for her to be more discreet. When she was close enough, Harry grabbed her wrist, yanking her down in his lap and covering her mouth with his hand. Eva’s eyes widened as she looked between Harry and I. I raised my index finger towards my lips, shushing her, before pointing to the view ahead of the three of us. Eva’s eyes followed my finger, her mouth still covered by Harry’s hand. Eva squinted taking note of the boy who sat on the bench alone. She rolled her eyes.

                “Ew!” Harry exclaimed, removing his hand from Eva’s mouth. “She licked me!”

                Eva smiled innocently, crawling off of Harry’s lap and sitting in between us. “Why are you doing this?”

                “Long story,” I said, looking back at Josh. “He’s just been…suspicious.”

                “Yeah, because sitting down on a bench during your break is so suspicious.”

                As if on cue, Josh stood up, he shoved his phone in his back pocket, looking left and right. As if he’s checking to see if someone is watching, I took note. My eyes shifted to the left as a slim blonde appeared from behind a large building.

                “Guys look,” I mumbled.

                Eva and Harry’s eyes shifted to the blonde. Although they were both focused on the blonde, I couldn’t help but notice how close they were sitting, and how Harry’s arm was draped over Eva’s shoulder. I pushed the thought to the back of my mind, I would ask Harry about it later.               

                “Oh, a blonde walking, so suspicious,” Eva said sarcastically.

                Harry’s hand squeezed her shoulder, a silent gesture to shut her up.

                All three of us watched the blonde as she continued walking. With every step she took, she got closer and closer to Josh. From afar, it was easy to see Josh and the mysterious blonde’s eyes connect. The blonde smiled, as did Josh.

                “Maybe she’s a friend,” Eva said, but it sounded more like a question.

                Harry whispered something inaudible in her ear and she nodded.

                The blonde was now a few feet away from Josh as they exchanged a few words. He pulled the blonde in for a tight hug. A hug that didn’t look friendly to me. He whispered in her ear, and the girl’s giggle echoed. Josh pulled back looking behind him, panic overriding his features, the girl did the same. Josh faced the girl, exchanging a few words. The three of us continued watching as Josh’s hands were on her hips, pressing the girl against him. A smug grin on his face. I watched as he leaned in closer, I knew what was going to happen. Do it, do it, do it, I guiltily thought. Josh’s lips finally pressed against the blonde’s, her arms wrapping around his neck. My stomach dropped at the sight.

                Eva gasped rather loudly beside me. Harry quickly covered her mouth. Eva pointed a finger at the two, attempting to talk, but due to Harry’s hand above her mouth, only mumbles were audible. She turned to Harry, still attempting to speak.

                Harry nodded in understanding. He was patient as he tried to calm Eva down by repeating, ‘I know’, ‘I see it too’, and ‘calm down’.

                Eva took in a deep breath and Harry finally removed his hand.

                “That son of a bitch,” She whispered, anger taking over her emotions. “How could he do this to Lotus?! Fuck this.”

                Eva began to stand up before Harry grabbed her wrist, pulling her back down. This time he put a hand on either shoulder to stop her from standing up again, and blowing our cover.

                “You can’t go up to him now,” I said quietly.

                “Why the hell not?!”

                “Because if you confront him now and tell Lotus later, don’t you think he’s gonna come up with some way to manipulate her into not believing you?”

                Eva’s lips pressed into a fine line. “Well then I won’t confront him, but I’m telling Lotus.”

                “You can’t do that either.”

                Eva groaned. “Why not?”

                “I’m sure she knows you’re not very fond of Josh, she’ll probably think you’re trying to break them up,” I turned back to Josh and the blonde.

                By now Josh picked up his backpack that laid on the bench, the two had begun walking. My eyes continued to follow them.

                “Josh has Lotus wrapped wound his finger,” I began. “She wouldn’t believe anyone, especially those close to her.”

                Eva sighed, her shoulders hunched in defeat. She knew I was right. Harry’s arm draped across her shoulders. He pulled her closer to him.

                “What are we supposed to do?” Eva mumbled.


                Eva’s eyes met mine. “What? Liam we can’t do that. We have – no need to tell her.”

                “She’s not going to believe us,” I ran a frustrated hand down my face, pinching the bridge of my nose.

                “Well then all three of us will tell her, we all saw what happened,” She said hopeful.

                “She doesn’t want to talk to me.”

                “For fucks sake, Liam! Forget about that, this is important! She deserves to know,” Eva shouted.

                “And she will know,” I began. “He’s gonna fuck up, and she’ll catch him in the act.”

                “What?!” Eva exclaimed. “So you’re telling me, we just sit on our asses and wait until she catches him?” She was growing more frustrated, Harry soothingly ran his hands up and down her shoulders. “Who knows how long it’s gonna take for her to catch him. I’m sorry, Liam, but I can’t lie to her.”

                “Do you actually think at this point she’ll believe you?” I asked my voice laced with anger, I was beginning to lose my patience with Eva. “She’s infatuated with him, I doubt she notices any of his suspicious acts; and if she does she probably brushes them off, thinking it’s normal.”

                “Liam might be right,” Harry said after a pregnant pause.

                Eva tore her gaze from me to look at Harry. “You can’t be serious, Harry –“

                Harry looked down at her, he gave her a look that quieted her. She sighed looking down at her lap.

                “I just – I don’t want to lie to her,” she said, her hands clasping together in her lap.

                Harry whispered in her ear as he continued rubbing her shoulders.

                “Look,” I began, my eyes caught her blue ones which were now glossy. I gave her a sad smile. “I’ll try to figure out a way to tell her. Trust me, I don’t want to keep this from her any more than you do.”

                Eva let out a breath before nodding. Harry and I stood up, he let out a hand for Eva to grasp, pulling the thin girl up to her feet. I pulled out my phone from my back pocket, checking the time.

                “I’ve got class soon,” I mumbled. “I’ll see you guys around.”

                The both of them nodded, chiming in their ‘bye’ and ‘see you later’. I parted ways with Eva and Harry, before stopping and remembering something. I turned around, watching them walk away together. The proximity between the two was basically non-existent. I smirk began to grow across my cheeks.

                “Hey,” I called out, I watched as both of them turned around, confusion etched onto their faces. “Are you guys dating?”

                Eva’s mouth dropped open. Harry scratched the back of his neck. Both of them looked at each other dumbstruck, before responding at the same time.


                “Of course not.”

                I shrugged my shoulders, a knowing grin on my lips. “Alright.”


                Lotus’ POV

                Another long day, another lonely lunch, another day barely seeing Josh. He had, once again, deserted me at lunch, without reasoning, leaving me to eat alone.

                I know I was most likely over exaggerating, but since Liam and I aren’t friends, he’s the only one I can depend on. God, I thought, when had I become so dependent on men. My face scrunched up in disgust, my eyebrows furrowed at the thought. I currently sat at the bench Josh and I meet whenever our lectures are finished. That is, if he shows up. I watched the grassy field filled with students walking to and fro to classes, neither of them were Josh. I sigh looking down at my crossed legs. The light breeze of the warm air blew my hair off my shoulders.

                I heard the light pitter-patter of feet, looking up I spotted Josh jogging towards me. A smile spreading across his cheeks. Butterflies erupted in my stomach as he neared. I hated the effect he had on me. One minute I could be two seconds away from strangling him, but as soon as he sent me his charming smirk, it made me want to run over to him and suffocate him with love.

                “Hey,” he breathed once he stopped jogging and was right in front of me.

                “Hi,” I greeted. “Where were you during lunch?”

                “I was busy,” he said sitting down next to me. “I missed you.”

                “I missed you too,” I returned. “But you didn’t exactly answer my question. Where were you?”

                “Whoa chill,” he held up his hands in defense. He had a smirk splayed across his lips, but when he noticed I wasn’t returning his smile, his smirk fell. He licked his lips. “I had a project to do.”

                Sure, I thought sarcastically. My lips were pursed as I raised an eyebrow. “Anyways, what do you want to do today?”

                Josh nervously scratched the back of his neck. “Sorry, I’ve got an essay to finish, not to mention, my other project isn’t even halfway done. I don’t think we can hang out today.”

                “Seriously?” I said exasperated. “I’m starting to think this project isn’t even real. What class is this for anyways?”         

                “Look, that doesn’t even matter,” Josh began. “All that matters is that it’s an important project, and I need to finish it.”

                I rolled my eyes, beginning to stand. I grabbed my backpack from the bench, sliding it over my shoulders.

                “Why are you mad?” He asked, annoyed.

                “I’m mad because you keep leaving me!” I shouted. “Do you understand how neglected that makes me feel?”

                “Calm down.”

                I’m gonna catch a case, I thought.

                “Look you have other people to hang out with, you don’t need me to smother you with affection,” Josh said. “I mean, why don’t you just hang out with that guy you’re always with? What was it? Liam?”

                My eyes widened with anger, my nostrils began to flare. “Are you fucking kidding me?!”

                The loud shriek in my voice caused students to stop and glance at the crazy girlfriend yelling at her overly calm boyfriend. Josh held up a hand at some of the students who were looking our way. I let out a much needed breath before running a hand through my hair, pulling at the roots.

                “What now?” He groaned.

                “We aren’t friends anymore!” I shouted, not caring who was around and who was able to hear. “Because of the stupid fight between you two! I took your side, Josh!”

                Josh chuckled. “Oh yeah. I completely forgot about that.”

                I can’t. Turning around I began walking away from him. Tears began to cloud my vision.

                “Where are you going?” Josh shouted from behind me.

                I choked out a sob, wrapping my arms around myself, and continuing walking.


                Carrying a laundry basket filled with freshly cleaned clothes, I walked upstairs towards my bedroom. Balancing the basket between my hips and my right hand, I pushed the door open.

                After I left Josh, I decided to walk home, seeing as I wasn’t interested in seeing anyone else today. It had been a long stressful day, and all I wanted to do was unwind in my room. Setting down the basket of laundry, I began to fold the clothes. Today had been stressful, from a lonely lunch, to an awkward and silent class with Eva, and finally my fight with Josh. As much as I hated to admit it, deep down inside (really, really, really deep down inside) I knew Liam was right; but of course I would never admit it. I continued folding my clothes, deep in thought, before I came by a white blouse that needed to be hung.

                Walking towards my closet, I grabbed a hanger. Maybe I was overreacting, I thought. Sliding the hanger through the blouse, I hung it up. He could have actually been working on a project. I sighed, reaching over towards the laundry basket and finding another shirt needing to be hung. I mean, maybe I’m just a crazy possessive bitch.

                Oh, I thought, I don’t really like the sound of that.

                “Hello!” A cheerful male voice called out.

                Screaming at the top of my lungs, I clutched my chest. I looked around my bedroom trying to detect where the voice came from, or who it belonged to. My blouse in hand was now long forgotten as it fell on the floor when I let out a shriek. Taking a few much needed breaths I heard chuckling. Looking outside my open window my eyes landed on Liam’s bedroom window parallel to mines. A familiar boy standing behind it, a large grin splayed across his face.

                “Sorry I scared you,” Harry called, he wore a boyish grin.

                My hand was still clutched to my chest, I took in a much needed breath, closing my eyes. I heard Harry chuckle again. Dropping my hand and opening my eyes I watched as Harry leaned his elbow against the windowsill, his chin resting in his hand. I smiled.

                “Hello, Harry.” I bent down to pick up my blouse, slipping it through its hanger.

                “Sorry about that again,” he was pointing towards the blouse I was now hanging in my closet.

                “It’s alright,” I walked closer to the window. “How are you?”

                The warm breeze passed by, it blew back his now shoulder length hair. He ran a hand through his hair attempting to fight the breeze that was pushing it back. I reached the window, placing my palms flat on the windowsill, leaning against it. I felt the sunrays heat up my ice cold palms, while the sun reflected off Harry’s crossed arms.

                “How are you?” Harry countered, raising an eyebrow.

                I chuckled, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion. “Fine.”

                Harry nodded.

                “What are you doing – “ I lifted a hand gesturing towards Liam’s house. “Over there?”

                “Oh,” he began, Harry hooked a thumb over his shoulder. “Liam and I are going to a party.”

                I lifted an eyebrow. “A party?” I don’t recall Liam ever going to parties.


                I nodded. There was a pregnant pause between the two of us. I wrapped my arms around myself as Harry checked Liam’s room after every few seconds. The only sound between the two of us was the occasional breeze, which was now beginning to pick up. If it wasn’t for Harry, I would have already closed the window.

                “He misses you,” Harry said.

                I sighed looking down at my fuzzy socks, shaking my head.

                “I know you miss him too – “

                “Why does everyone keep saying that?” I interrupted.

                Harry’s lips pressed in a fine line.

                I sighed. “Sorry.”

                Harry nodded. “He’s a wreck, he’s not… himself,” Harry checked behind both shoulders again. “You should speak to him.”

                “Why the hell would I do that?” I argued, completely disregarding everything he’s said. “You said so yourself, he’s not himself.”

                “Because he misses you,” Harry calmly pressed.

                I rolled my eyes. Walking back to my laundry basket I picked up a shirt and began folding it.

                “Please,” Harry said. “I hate to admit I’m worried, but I’m worried.”

                “I’m sorry Harry,” I said. I gave up folding clothes and returned to the window, might as well finish once he’s gone. “But I’m sure I’m the last person he would want to speak to.”

                Harry was now frustrated, he ran a hand through his hair. “That’s not true, he – “

                “Harry, you ready?” Liam’s voice called out.

                Although I couldn’t see him, I could hear him, and he sounded close to Harry. My eyes widened. Harry’s mouth opened and closed as he tried to respond, he was frozen stuck, his body stiff.

                “Harry, what the hell are you doing standing by the window like that?”

                Liam’s form came into view though both windows. Liam looked left and right before his eyes connected with mine. My body stiffened, however my stomach was doing cartwheels, and my heart was running a marathon. Our eyes connected, carnelian and enstatite. Liam’s jaw clenched and twitched. Harry stood beside him, his eyes shifting between Liam and I as we exchanged so many words through one glare.

                Liam’s jaw clenched one last time before he looked at Harry. “Let’s go.”

                Liam gave me one last glance, before disappearing. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. Harry looked in Liam’s direction before looking at me. He smiled sadly before he too, disappeared.

                Feeling a single tear roll down my cheek, I quickly wiped it away. When did I start crying? I let out another breath, turning from the window. So intense, I thought sarcastically. I walked towards my bed, spotting my phone, sandwiched between my pillow and the bed.

                I unlocked it, seeing as I had a new text message. Opening the message my eyebrows furrowed.

                From: Josh :)

                I’m sorry Baby girl

                A silent sob fell from my lips as I tossed my phone back on my bed, drying my tears.


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