Only When I Walk Away (Under Major Editing)

Don't you only love me when I walk away?


13. Chapter 13

"Then she ran down the bleachers and fell face first!" Josh laughed out, his face heating up. He leaned back in his chair laughing, his eyes squeezed shut causing creases to appear beside them.

I silently stirred my warm coffee smirking at the story he was telling me. Apparently some girl in his gym class got overly excited about being picked in basketball that she fell face first while running down the bleachers. Josh's laughing ceased as he wiped his eyes from the few tears he shed form laughing so hard. Removing the small spoon from my cup I took a sip of the creamy coffee feeling its warmth down my slightly sore throat. Josh and I decided that we should both grab coffee after school. It seemed like a good idea, until he brought me to the coffee shop Liam and I frequently visited after school. The thought of him brown a small frown to my lips. It had been a week or so since out last fight, and honestly, it's been hell. The fact that he not only goes to my school, but lives next to me suddenly felt suffocating. It was like I couldn't escape the guilty feeling. I definitely did feel bad about ending our friendship, but if Liam can't accept the fact that Josh and I are a legitimate couple, than we could never be friends again. 

Don't get me wrong, I definitely miss Liam. A lot. Like, a lot. I miss our laughs, and being able to tell him anything, and just being able to be myself and just have fun with him. But in the end, it was him that used violence against Josh, which showed he had no respect for my decisions. 

"Lotus," Josh's raspy voice (obviously from laughing so hard) brought me from my thoughts. "You can't just sit here and be depressed about him."

Him. The way he said it. So much spite. I broke my gaze form my coffee cup to look up at Josh. Most of his injuries had healed, although he had light bruising that still needed fading. Sighing I began playing with the handle of the coffee cup, twirling the cup round and round.   


"You don't understand," I responded quietly. And he didn't understand. From what I've known, he doesn't have a friend that's been by his side for twelve years. "He was my best friend, Josh. How do you expect me to not be upset?"   


"Well I mean, he did beat me up. Or did you forget about that already?" Sighing I rest both my elbows on the table, letting my face fall into my hands. I ran my fingers through my dark strands of hair. 


"I know, Josh. I know."


A waitress came by to pick up Josh's empty cup that had been previously filled with black coffee. I never understood how he was able to drink coffee without sugar or creamer, wasn't it bitter? The waitress seemed to be our age, her blonde hair in a messy side braid. For someone to be picking up just one cup she was sure taking a while lingering around Josh. She sent him a flirtatious smile. She seemed completely oblivious to my presence. Raising my eyebrows I glanced between the both of them and noticed Josh return a smile of his own. She giggled quietly before finally leaving with his cup in hand. Glancing back at Josh I raised an arched eyebrow as he still gazed at her.   


"Do you know her?"  


"Huh?" Josh asked flustered. "U-uh, no I don't."   


Letting out a silent hum I go back to sipping my coffee. I knew Josh got a lot of female attention, I knew that before we were dating. I just hoped he would ignore it and only pay attention to me, and in the beginning he did that. Although, lately it was like he liked the attention and didn't mind flirting back, even with me around. I figured I was just being uptight. I watched as he glanced at his watch checking for the time.   


"Wow. We've been here awhile. Think we should head home?"  


Nodding I stood up, grabbing my coat which hung on the back of the chair. Picking up my backpack from the floor, I slipped my arms though the straps. Glancing up I noticed Josh had his hand held out, any annoyance I felt towards him vanished as I slipped my small fingers through his. His warm hand latching onto my cold one. Glancing behind me towards the cash register, I noticed the waitress from earlier glare at us, causing a smirk to spread on my lips. I felt a tug on my hand, and realized Josh had already began walking. 




The weather today had been rather chilly. The wind was beginning to pick up as Josh and I continued walking. His car had been having some difficulties and was in the shop currently, but he was kind enough to offer to walk me home. Feeling the wing blow my beanie cover hair back, I tugged my coat closed. Usually when couples walk together they're always walking close to each other, hand in hand, and the female always on the inside of the sidewalk for protection. Not in this case. I watched as Josh typed away on his phone, smiling widely. Who could he possibly be texting to make him smile that wide? Probably a relative. Sighing, I shoved my hands in the pockets of my black wool coat. I heard his phone ring, which meant he got a text. Shifting my gaze towards him again, I watched as he quickly typed a response, shoving his phone right back in his pocket.


"H-hey babe, I've actually gotta go. Do you think you can walk from here?" Josh had stopped walking, a hand on the back of his neck as he shifted awkwardly.   


Looking forward I noticed my house to be only a few blocks away, sighing I nodded my head. Josh smiled before pulling me into a large embrace. I wrapped my arms around his slender yet muscular body. My cheek pressed to his chest. I inhaled his boyish scent, a mixture of cologne and musk. I felt his arms wrap around my shoulders as he played with my dark locks. Pulling back slightly I stood on the tip of my toes, before pecking his soft lips. Letting go of his waist and slipping out of his embrace he gave me a wink which caused a giggle to escape my lips.   


"I'll see you tomorrow." I smile at him.  


"See you." Smiling like a school-girl I slowly turned around and made my way home. 




A few minutes had passed and I was at the end of the block my house was one. My eyes glued on the pebble I had been kicking for the past few blocks. After Josh left I felt the need to just think. About everything and anything. My thoughts kept shifting back to Liam.   


Is he happy? 

Is he as distressed as I am?

Has he forgave me?

Should I listen to him?

And the most important one...

Was he right?  


So far I wasn't sure if he was right. Some moments I feel that he may be right, due to the way Josh acted sometimes so...careless. However there were moments where Josh made me feel like the only girl in the world. Some days I just wanted to call Liam and apologize, he was the only person I could tell everything to. But then I remembered what Liam said: When he breaks your heart, don't expect me to have my arms wide open for you. I felt tears pricking the corner of my eyes as I continued kicking the pebble.  


"Don't cry, Lotus." I scolded myself.  


Stopping I looked to my side, I was right in front of my house. Sighing I kicked the pebble (which I decided to name Rocky) one last time watching it roll into the street. Using the sleeve of my coat I dried my eyes, before any tears fell. Turning to begin walking my eyes connect with a pair of dark brown irises.   


Liam stood in front of his mailbox, with mail in his hands. It looked like he was sorting through it. He was shirtless as a pair of joggers hung low on his waist. Isn't he freezing? The wind began to pick up as I clutched my coat closer to my body. Offering him a small smile, I watched as he ignored it going back to sorting his mail. Do I say hi? No he'll think you're weird. After contemplating on whether I should greet Liam, I noticed I've been standing in the same spot for a while. Great, now he thinks I'm a weirdo.  


Groaning I made my way towards my porch, skipping up my steps. I pulled out the keys to my house, fumbling for the right one. And with just my luck my keys fall right out of my hands plopping onto the ground with a small jingle. 


"Shit." I curse to myself kneeling over to collect the keys.


I heard chuckling from behind me. Turning around I notice Liam shaking his head before closing his mailbox and heading into his house. Rolling my eyes I shove the key into the doorknob successfully unlocking it before yanking the door open and slamming it shut. Leaning my back against the door, I gaze up at the ceiling before closing my eyes. Letting a sigh escape my lips I began slumping down until I hit the floor.   




My phone vibrated against my nightstand causing me to jump in fear which simultaneously caused me to mess up my handwriting on an essay I was working on. Groaning I erased the mark that was created next to my neat, perfectionist handwriting. Leaning over to my nightstand I unlocked my phone and opened the text I received from Josh.  


From: Josh :)

Hey ;)   


To: Josh :)

Hi there :)    


Locking my phone I threw it beside me on the bed as I continued my homework. I felt my phone vibrate once again next to me.    


From: Josh :)

What are you up to gorgeous?


To: Josh :)

Gorgeous? Is someone trying to earn brownie points?  


From: Josh :)

Trust me babe I don't need brownie points ;) and you never answered my question.


I explained to Josh that I was doing homework before I threw my phone back on the bed. I gazed around my room. I glanced at my closed which was opened and filled with my most prized possessions. Clothes. Clothes have always been a big part of my life. There was something about fashion that just intoxicated me. From dressing in my mother's clothes when I was a child, to watching Chanel runway fashion shows on YouTube, to just looking up outfits on Polyvore for hours on end, anything fashion had my full attention. Continuing my gaze around my room my eyes stop at the window right next to my closet. Oh, that window. The window that's completely parallel to Liam's room. Squinting my eyes to better my vision, I hoped I'd be able to see him. Widening my eyes I caught a sight of him sitting on his bed. His back leaning against the headboard, his legs crossed at the ankles. I could tell he was watching television since all the lights were off in his room and the light of the television was casting on his face, causing his face to have a blueish tint. He looked angry, but lately that's just been how his appearance has been. Angry. My eyes landed on his face. Eyebrows furrowed with a scowl etched onto his face, and his light brown hair distressed (probably from running his fingers through its so many times). Liam was still shirtless with his joggers hung low, as if the weather wasn't freezing outside. Feeling my soft bed vibrate I jumped quickly tearing my sight away from Liam. Grabbing my phone from the sheets of my bed I unlocked it, opening my new text.   


From: Josh :) 

Too bad I'm not there :( we could have done stuff ;)


To: Josh :) 

Oh really? Like what?


From: Josh :) 

I think you know ;) 


Rolling my eyes I toss my phone back onto my fluffy bed, deciding not to respond to him. Lately Josh had been pretty...sexual. Usually tossing sexual innuendos and being very touchy. I'm not someone who's popular with the male population. Anything to do with the basic boyfriend and girlfriend relationship always left me clueless. I've been asked out on a date before, only to be stood up at the movie theaters, and in the end karma got the worst of him. The next day the poor boy walked into school with a swollen eye from none other than Liam. I smiled at the thought of Liam. I'll be honest, I missed him. A lot. He was definitely someone I could trust with my feelings, and I could always count on him to leave me with a smile on my face.


Glancing up at his window, I noticed it was shut closed with the curtains draped closed, preventing any nosy people (like me) from peeking in. When had he closed it? Surely I would've heard him shut the window. Was I that deep in thought? Sighing I leaned back attempting to lie down, only to have my head harshly hit the headboard of my bed.






"Have you talked to Liam lately?"


I glanced up from my classwork to look at Eva. Her sleek straight hair pulled back in a ponytail as her straight cut bangs framed her face. Her hair was very blond, it was close to a platinum color. 


"No." I mumbled as I continued scribbling answers on my study sheet. 


"Not at all?"


"Not at all." I answered setting my pencil down. We exchanged papers to compare answers before returning our papers and jotting down the new answers we provided each other with. 


"He missed you, y'know?" She began twirling a strand of hair around her long, slim fingers. "I have him in maths, he always asks about you." 


My heart fluttered as Eva confessed about Liam. He still cares. I couldn't keep the foolish grin that spread from cheek to cheek. Shaking my head I covered my lips attempting to shield my massive smile. Eva giggled as she tried to pry my hand away from my mouth. 


"See? I know you miss him too, Lotus," running her fingers through her bangs she continued. "Don't you think it's time to make up?"


Rolling my eyes I looked back down at my paper. Eva groaned as she grabbed onto a corner of my paper with her index finger and thumb. Pulling it towards her, I glared at her with a scowl etched onto my face.   


"C'mon this is silly!" She exclaimed, causing our teacher to shush us rather harshly. Rolling her eyes she leaned in closer to whisper to me. "Just make up already."  


"No, Eva." I whispered harshly. "Has everyone forgotten that Liam was the one to beat up my boyfriend?"


"Maybe he had a reason to?" I gasp glaring at Eva. "Look, by no means am I saying what he did was right, but did you even find out why he did it?"  


Thinking back to that day, I remember Liam pleading me to hear him out. I remember his tear filled eyes as he begged for me to listen, and I just walked away. Sighing I ran a hand through my hair.


"No, I didn't."


Eva raised her eyebrows, her berry colored lips pressed in a tight line. The bell rang startling both of us. Sighing we both stood up packing our things. Heading out together there was an awkward silencing lingering between the both of us. 


"Lotus," breaking the silence she stopped walking grasping my hand in hers, stopping in the middle of the crowded hallway. "I didn't mean to upset you. It's just- I'm worried about you two. You haven't been the same and I can't help the concern I have." 


Feeling a small smile tug onto my lips I quickly pull him into an embrace. I felt her thin arms pull me closer to her. 


"Thanks," I mumble into her shoulder. "I want our friendship back more than anything."  


Pulling away for Eva, she held my shoulders at arm’s length. A soft smile gracing onto her berry colored lips. Her clear blue eyes connecting with my dark brown ones.   


"I'll try to make this work. I can't make any promises that we'll be friends again. But I'll try." Letting go of her shoulders we continued walking. 




I sat at a table phone in hand, scrolling though nonsense. I felt a pair of arms wrapping around me. Josh pressed his nose to my hair, inhaling the scent. Leaning backwards against him I closed my eyes letting my body relax against his. Chuckling he removed himself sitting beside me. He lent in to press a sweet kiss to my jaw. It was moments like these that made me extremely happy to be in a relationship. No matter how many times I felt paranoid or heard things about Josh, I never paid mind because in the end it was me who was Josh's girlfriend. No one else. 


"What are you doing my lovely girlfriend?"  


Feeling my cheeks warm up, I buried my face in his neck. His chest vibrated from the chuckle escaping his lips. Wrapping his arms around me he left a small kiss to the crown of my head. He pulled away and I looked up at him, his hazel eyes mesmerizing me. 


"Nothing," I chuckled. "I was just waiting for you."


Nodding his head he opened his backpack retrieving two sandwiches. Tossing me one and saving one for himself we both began eating. I glanced around the school campus watching as everyone was enjoying their lunch.


"What do you feel like doing after school?" I took a bite of the ham sandwich before shifting my gaze to the sky, contemplating on something to do after school. 


"You can come over," I suggest. "We can watch a few movies and just hang out." I bumped my shoulder against Josh's broad one. He chuckled.   


"Sounds good," I feel Josh's lips dangerously close to my left ear. His proximity causing a shiver to run down my spine. His warm breath causes chill to appear on the soft flesh of my neck. "Maybe we can do other things too."  


His soft lips pressed on to the area just under my ear. I relax as soon as he pulls away. Josh lets out a low snicker before continuing to eat his sandwich. Going back to eating my sandwich, I couldn't escape the feeling that someone was staring at me. Looking up from my sandwich my brown eyes connected with another pair. I watched as Liam sat with his four familiar friends. His glare so intimidating I couldn't help but shift uncomfortably. I can't help but feel like a bug under a microscope. Suddenly I felt a familiar pair of fingers under my chin. Josh lifted my face to his, leaning in to press a soft kiss to my lips. 


"He really shouldn't stare," he mumbles against my lips. "I don't like him staring at what's mine."


Pulling away from his intoxicating lips, I set my sandwich down on the table, suddenly losing my appetite. Once again my eyes are caught under Liam's strong gaze. It was like it was a game to him, like he enjoyed it, he liked seeing me uncomfortable and vulnerable. Our 'staring contest' ended when a petite body came in front of him. I've seen her before, I just couldn't remember her name. She was blonde and thin, with porcelain skin, a perfect nose, and plump lips. I watched as Liam stood from his sitting position on the grass. The girl wrapped her thin arms around his neck. Liam's arms encircled her waist pulling her small frame closer to his much larger one.


I was able to get a better view of her and saw that her eyes were a vibrant green. Words were exchanged between the two, and whatever she was saying must have been flirtatious since Liam bit his bottom lip and pulled her in even closer to his body. My gaze fell down to his four friends sitting on the grass who looked just as confused as I did. Returning my gaze to Liam and the Mystery Girl, I watch them exchange a few words before he glances around, almost as if he's checking to see if anyone was watching their encounter. Suddenly her arms fall from around his neck as the softly caress their way to his hands, intertwining their fingers. Liam smirked then quickly pulled the both of them away, walking away from everyone and heading somewhere else.   


I couldn't help but let my eyes follow the two. That was until my eyes connect with a pair of crystal blue irises. Eva shrugs a shoulder, a frown etched on her lips. Shaking my head I return my attention to Josh. I couldn't help but feel a slight pang in my heart. Who is she? I wondered if she was my replacement. The thought of her being Liam's girlfriend ran through my mind and it was something I didn't like. For some reason, I was feeling selfish. I didn't want Liam to have a girlfriend. I didn't want Liam to have another girl in his life. I wanted to be the only girl that makes Liam happy. I wanted to be the only girl to make him laugh. I wanted to be the only girl that mattered to Liam. I didn't want my position to be replaced. Somewhere deep inside me I was afraid of having to compete with another girl. My thoughts were causing me to become angry. My small hands were now fists that made my knuckles turn a white color.   




Josh's arm was around my shoulders as he guided us through the parking lot. Josh's car had finally been repaired which was something he wouldn't shut up about. Stopping at his car he pressed the button on his keys unlocking the car door. He jogged around his car hopping into the driers seat before shutting the door closed. I heard a muffled 'hurry up!' due to the windows being rolled up. Sighing I yank the door open before slamming it shut.


"Hey!" he exclaimed "Be careful would ya!" Josh scolded me. I narrowed my eyes at him as he slams his keys in the ignition.  


For the rest of the car ride to my house I looked out the window while Josh ranted about how his car 'wasn't the greatest' since it was all he had and that I should 'respect it'. Rolling my eyes his car pulled to a stop in front of my house. I sighed while unbuckling my seat belt then reaching for the door. Before I could even get out of the car, I felt Josh's fingers wrap around my arm preventing me from getting out.   


"Lotus what's wrong?" I turned around to look at him. Concern graced his soft features. "You've been pissy ever since lunch."  


"Nothing," I ran a hand through my hair. "Nothing. Let's just get inside, yeah?"  


Josh nods letting go of my arm. Opening the car door I jump down landing softly on the pavement. Josh laced our fingers together then pulled me into him. His arms wrapped around my waist, instinctively my arms snaked around his neck. He leaned down pecking my lips before pulling me in for a tight hug squishing my body against his.


"Don't be upset. I don't like my girlfriend upset.'' He mumbled. Giggling I pulled away from his, grabbing his hand and leading him inside.  




Movies and snacks in hand, I led Josh upstairs to my room. I decided my room would be more private, I didn't feel like having my parents burst in the front door then have my mother smother Josh with her new found obsession over him. Opening my door I stepped in with Josh tailing not too far behind me. I shut my door with my foot then set the snacks on my desk. I watched as Josh studied every inch of my room. Josh hadn't been in my room yet, so I understood his fascination. Except my room wasn't anything special. The walls were covered with a cream color, adjourned by pastels, magazine cutouts, and professional drawings of celebrities. My bed was positioned right beside my door, the wall opposite of it was where my T.V. sat. On either side of the television was a window. The right window beside the television happened to be the one that gave me access to Liam's room just across the yard. Besides that window was my closet that was decorated with cheesy selfies of Liam and I.   


"So, this is your room." Josh finally said, breaking our silence.  


"Yeah," I shrugged. "Nothing special."  


Josh's attention was caught by my slightly ajar closet. His eyes widened as he walked towards it, his fingers ran over the soft fabric of a shirt. He began pushing clothes by their hanger, going through them all.  


"I've never seen a closet with so much clothing." He said in awe. I giggled running my hand up and down his forearm before settling on intertwining our fingers.   


Pulling Josh towards me I wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him down for a kiss. His soft lips met mine in a passionate kiss. I immediately wanted more, our kiss deepened and Josh's hands grabbed either side of my hips. He slowly walked forward, my back colliding with the cold wall. Josh's palms lay flat against the wall, trapping me. I felt his tongue lap my lips asking for entrance. His tongue explored my mouth before settling on massaging my tongue. A moan escaped my lips which gave Josh a reason to smirk. He quickly pulled away, leaving me a whimpering mess. He was breathless, his deep breaths fanning over my lips.   




His command confused me, but I did it anyways. Jumping he caught me, his arms wrapped around my thighs pressing us closer together. My legs wrapped around his slender waist pulling us even closer. Our groins pressed together. Josh ground his hips against mine, a moan falling from my lips. He pressed his lips against mine, suppressing my moans as he continued to grind against me. Running my fingers though his soft hair, I felt Josh play with the hem of my shirt. In one swift movement my shirt was removed falling onto the floor. His lifted his hand to softly cup my right breast covered with pretty black lace. Josh squeezed my right breast and I broke the kiss to let out another moan that echoed around the room. Josh's lips began attacking my neck, peppering soft kisses and nipping the skin between kisses. His hands swiftly made their made their way behind my back fumbling with the clasp of my bra. I gasped, quickly realizing what was about to happen. My hands flew to grip his forearms to stop him. Josh looked at me in confusion, his eyes dark with lust and his cheeks flushed. 


"I-I can't." I stuttered nervously attempting to pry his hands from my bra. 


"C'mon, Lotus," Josh continued his attack on my neck. "Don't be such a priss."  


"N-no, Josh," I pushed my hands between us trying my best to push him away. "Stop, I don't want to do this."  


Huffing in annoyance Josh dropped me on the floor. My feet harshly hit the floor causing me to hiss. Quickly picking up my now wrinkled shirt from the floor I clutch it to my chest attempting to shield my exposed torso. I watched in shock as Josh quickly grabbed his phone and backpack from my bed. Tears threatened to fall from my eyes as Josh began making his way to the door.   


"Why do you keep doing this?" He mumbled angrily. Gripping the door knob harshly he yanked the door open. "Call me when you're done being a tease."  


The door slammed shut and I jumped in fear while letting out a sob. I heard the front door shut and Josh's car turn on. Hastily brushing my tears away, I turn around and when suddenly my eyes meet a pair of brown ones. Liam stands by his window gazing into my room. His face emotionless and his eyes displaying something, but I can't tell what it is. I watch as he visibly sighs, shaking his head. Angrily I stride to my window, shirt still clutched to my chest before slamming it shut and drawing the curtains shut. 

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