Only When I Walk Away (Under Major Editing)

Don't you only love me when I walk away?


12. Chapter 12

The rest of the day had been pretty uneventful. I couldn't shake off what Liam had told me this morning. Don't let Josh do what Amanda did to me. Liam's last relationship ended horribly, leaving him scarred with trust issues, but Josh couldn't do that to me. He wouldn't. I thought back to the day Amanda and Liam ended things. He was so heartbroken. It hurt to see him in so much pain.




I sat lazily on the living room couch, tea in hand, flipping though channels on the television. Suddenly a loud knock startled me, causing me to spill some of my tea on my shirt. Cursing under my breath I slammed the mug on the coffee table. Being the only one home I stood up and walked towards the door. Peeping through the peephole, I tried my best to see who it was. Due to hard and heavy rain outside the peephole was covered with fog and raindrops. I couldn't see. 


Sighing, I settled with just opening the door (which always made me a bit uneasy, who knows who could have been outside). Unlocking it I pulled the door open, revealing an upset Liam. His cheeks were red and stained with tears. His eyes have tears that are threatening to fall at any given moment. Liam quickly wipes his eyes sniffing, and I them realize I've left him outside in the cold for awhile. Quickly shuffling to the side, he passes through, bringing a puddle of water with him. 


"Sorry." Liam glances down at the puddle underneath him.


"Liam I don't care about that, why are you out in this weather?" I nag but he doesn't answer, his eyes still glued to the puddle that was now slowly expanding under him. "Liam?"


Liam sniffs, wiping away any stray tears before sliding against the door falling straight on the hardwood floor. Burying his face in his hand I can hear his faint sobs, his shoulders rising and falling with each unsteady breath. Quickly rushing towards him and sitting on my heels. Grabbing his forearms, I attempt to reveal his face.


"Liam what's happened to you?" Concern lacing in my voice.


No answer.


"Liam please tell me, I want to help you."


"S-she hurt me," he stuttered. I successfully pried his hands away from his face. They were so cold and wet from the outside rain. 


"Who hurt you?"




"What? W-well...what did she do?" Shifting positions, I moved in between his legs, subconsciously he wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me in closely. Liam sniffed before continuing. 


"I was on my way over to her house like I always do. I knocked on the door, but no one answered. I knew she was home because her bedroom light was on. I opened the door and made my way to her room. The closer I got the louder I could these...noises coming from her room."


 Liam hiccupped and I tightened my grip around him, encouraging for him to continue. A single tear fell, rolling down his cheeks. My thumb was quick to wipe away the salty tear.


"I didn't think much of it...just thought it was the television. U-until I opened her door, a-and saw her with a-another guy."


I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. "What do you mean 'with another guy'? As in kissing, hugging, holding hands..."


Liam shook his head, tears streaming down his face. "I wish it was just kissing, hugging, and holding hands."


Immediately knowing what he meant, I snaked my arms around his neck pulling him close to me, not caring if my shirt was getting wet, or if the floor was covered with a massive puddle, or even if my parents just so happened to show up. 


"Liam, I'm so sorry that happened." His grip around my waist tightened as he pulled me closer to him. I soothingly ran my fingers through his damp hair.


"I love her, Lotus. She's my everything." He sobbed against my chest.


"I know, Liam, I know." Pulling him closer to me I placed a soft kiss on his cheek. 


"Please, please don't leave me." He begged, his words shattering my heart.


"I promise I won't"


And at that moment, I could have sworn I heard Liam mumble an 'I love you'.



"Lotus?" Josh quickly snaps me from my flashback.




"You all right?" He asks tilting his head slightly to the side, his hazel eyes bore into my brown ones. "You seem kind of...dazed."


"Yeah. I'm alright." I smile in reassurance. "Just thinking."


I stir my tea (That has probably gone cold after all this time). Josh decided that we should go out to a coffee shop. Which meant I had to ditch Liam again, although I doubt he'd want to see me right now.


"Thinking about what?"

"Things." I chuckled before taking a sip of my (now cold) tea.


"Alright. Well, should we head out?"


Nodding my head, I stand up from my seat grabbing my bag which was hanging on the back of the chair. Josh drops enough money on the table to cover for a tip then grabs my hand and we head out of the coffee shop.



There's an uncomfortable silence between us as we head back to my place. My gaze is left on the window observing outside.


"Are you sure you're all right?" Josh's voice breaks my concentration on the outside world (by concentration I mean playing I-Spy).




"You've been really quiet," Josh's large hand covers mine, his gaze still on the road ahead of him. "It's worrying me."


Soon we pull up to my house. Unbuckling my seat belt, I open the door and hop out, before closing the door. After a few moments of standing outside on my own, I turn around and look at Josh threw the car window. He raises a confused thick eyebrow before lowering the passenger window. 


"Aren't you coming inside?" A smile spreads on my lips.


A chuckle escapes his lips before he shuts off the car stepping out.




"I'm bored."


Josh chuckles as he continues playing with my hair. I am currently sprawled across the sofa lazily, my head in Josh's lap. His fingers soothingly running through my hair. I'm only moments away from falling asleep.


"What do you suppose we do?"


"Ugh," I groan sitting up straight, continuing flipping though the channels on the television. "I don't know."


"I know what to do!" Josh chirps at the other end of the couch.




He nods, a smirk splayed across his face.


"Lie down." He instructs.


Furrowing my eyebrows in confusion I slowly lay back on the couch, my head comfortingly resting on a pillow. Josh smirks as he lay between my legs his face mere inches from mine. Slowly he leans in pressing his lips to mine. It takes me a couple moments to realize what's happening before my lips mold against his. My eyes flutter shut as I tangle my fingers in his soft hair. Josh smiles against my lips, and I feel him placing a hand on my hip, soothingly rubbing circles with his thumb. A moan escapes his lips and the grip he has on my hip tightens. The sweet and passionate kisses quickly turn needy and desperate as he grinds his hips against mines. A moan I cannot help falls from my lips. Sneaky hands slide a little further up my top, just above my navel. 


"Josh." I whisper out. He takes this opportunity to force his tongue though my mouth. The grip on my hips tightens so much I know bruises will form in the morning.


Josh grinds his hips against mine again, a groan escaping from him. The thought of my parents possibly walking in runs through my mind and I immediately bolt up breaking the kiss. Josh looks down at me startled and confused. His eyebrows furrowed together causing creases to appear between them. 


"What's wrong?" His voice low and raspy. My stomach begins to flutter.


"We can't do-" I motion my hand between the two of us. "This."


"Why not?"


"Well for one, my parents can walk in at any moment," glancing towards the door, paranoia takes over me. "Plus, we just started dating and I'm not ready for...that."


"C'mon, Lotus!" Josh's voice comes out in a teasing manner. He ruffles my hair shifting closer to me, his lips dangerously close to my ear. "Don't be such a prude."


Standing up quickly from the sofa as an attempt to create some sort of distance between us, I turn to him, arms cross in front of my chest.


"I'm not a prude!" I retort in a rather childlike manner. "And I said no. I don't feel comfortable doing that."


"Whatever." Josh scoffs before standing up. Quickly collecting his keys from the coffee table he brushes past me (while harshly colliding his shoulder with mine). 


Josh starts to head for the door, his strides long and fast. Groaning in annoyance I follow behind him. The least I could do was walk him out, right? Josh's large hand grips the doorknob, yanking it open causing me to jump in fright. 


"S-see you later," I mentally curse myself for stuttering in front of him, making me appear weak and vulnerable.


"Yeah, see you."


And with that he slammed the door shut, the hardwood floor vibrating from the force of the door. 




Liam's P.O.V.


"Liam, do me a favor please?" My mum asked through the phone. I could hear her shuffling through papers in the background of the call, letting me know she was still at work. 


"Yeah. Sure," I replied nonchalantly as I raided the fridge attempting to find anything to eat. Remembering my mum telling me this morning that she would go grocery shopping after she'd got off work, I slam the refrigerator door shut. "Mum, there's literally nothing to eat."


"I know, Liam. That's not important right now-"


"Not important?" I exclaimed. "It's not important if your son dies of starvation?" I usually wasn't one to snap at my parents. I was raised better than that, but lately I had been losing my temper at everyone, and my parents were no exception.


"Please Liam just listen," I could tell my mum was trying to keep her voice calm as to not alert any coworkers. "I'm expecting something in the mail. Would it kill you to just check the mail and ring me after?"




"No." I groan into the phone, my grip tightening on it.


"Thank you."


After the call ended I dropped my phone on the counter before making my way outside. Jogging down the steps and towards the mailbox, I open it pulling out the mail. Furrowing my eyebrows in concentration as I shuffle through the mail, transferring any mail that didn't have my mother's name on it, to the back of the small pile that lay in my hand. Jesus, when was the last time we've checked the mail? 


"Hey! Look who it is!"


Quickly glancing up, I check around looking for the obnoxious voice that interrupted my mail sorting. My eyes finally connect with a pair of hazel ones not too far away from me. Josh looks back at me, a smug look plastering his face. His face. I wouldn't mind throwing a few punches at his face.


"What do you want?" I continue going through the mail deciding not to give this lad anymore of my time.


"Not much," I can hear his footsteps come closer to me, making me break my concentration on the task at hand. Again. "'Just wanted to chat."


"Maybe some other time-"


"How does it feel?" Josh interrupts me, a cocky smirk on his lips. 


"How does what feel?" I question already getting tired of this shit conversation. 


"Knowing that I stole your girl," Josh's cocky smirk had now turned into a full grin. Dropping my arms to the side I tighten my fist, crushing the mail that was currently in my left hand. "How does it feel knowing that I've got her wrapped around my finger?"


Shaking my head, I turn around heading back to my house. I shouldn't have given him my time.  I sigh hanging my head low. I won't lie his words did sting, it hurts knowing Lotus is with some prick who doesn't give a shit about her. 


"She's such a good kisser ya know?" I stop in my tracks as Josh continues his taunting words. "Soft plump lips, naturally pink. I just couldn't help myself. She tastes delicious, not that you would know anyways. The sweet taste of her strawberry lipgloss..."


Dropping the mail I quickly turn around making my way to him in just three long strides. We stood face to face, our chests practically touching. I felt my chest rising and falling at an uneven pace, my breath fanning over his face. Josh must have been entertained by my reaction, since he was on the borderline of laughing. This only tempted me to punch his face in even more.


"I wonder if she's a good fuck." He strokes his chin with his thumb and index fingers.


"Don't talk about her that way." I tried my best not to beat the shit out of him. I knew if I laid a single finger on him Lotus would never forgive me.


"Y'know she's never been with anyone. So tight and-"


"Don't," I reply forcefully. "I don't mind beating the shit out of you right now."


"Then do it!" Josh exclaims as he waits for me to throw a punch at any moment. "You can’t and you won't because you know she'll never forgive you." 


Josh steps back creating a distance between us, laughing silently. He glances over to Lotus' house then back at me. His notorious smug look etched on his face. 


"Just give up, Liam. You were doomed from the start. You're never going to escape the friend zone," A chuckle escapes his lips as he shakes his head. "I can't wait for the day she'll let me into her pants. The day I get to fuck her senseless. The day she'll climb out of bed just to make me a sandwich-"


My fist connects with his cheekbone harshly causing him to stumble back. His hand shot up to his cheek a sick smirk still on his face, almost as if he was enjoying it. I glance down at my throbbing fist. I quickly shake my hand, trying to shake the pain off.


"That's it Liam," he patronizes me. 


I threw another punch, this time upper cutting him. What confused me most was that he wasn't even defending himself. It was as if he wanted this. Then I realized this is part of his plan. He wants to turn Lotus against me. Feeling anger course through me my fist connects with his side causing him to let out a groan in pain. One more punch caused him to fall flat on his back; quickly making my way over to him I punched his already swollen cheekbone once more, then his eye (which started swelling immediately). His face was red, some parts already turning blue and purple. Punching his nose a sickening crack rang in my ears. I had no remorse for him. He was now moaning and groaning in pain, and in some sick twisted way it brought a smile to my lips. 


"How fucking dare you disrespect her that way!" I finally yelled out. "C'mon fight back!" 


He just groaned attempting to cover his face with his forearms, which was no use. 


"You don't deserve her!" Anger was laced in my voice all my bottled up emotion were tumbling out. "I should fucking kill you right now-"




My sentence was cut short by a familiar feminine voice. Ceasing my attacks on Josh my vision is directed to the direction the voice came from. Lotus stood in front of her house. Fear was in her eyes, a look I didn't like to see on her. She slowly made her way over. Quickly I stood up, distancing myself from Josh. The closer Lotus got the more I was able to see the fear in her eyes. Her big brown eyes now moist from tears threatening to fall. 


"Lotus, I-"


"Stop," Although she was one the borderline of crying her voice remained strong. "I have nothing to say to you."


She slowly crouched down to Josh and ran her small hand down his bruised and bloody face. A tear finally escaped her eyes and she quickly brushed it away.


"How could you?" She was standing now. "What the hell is the matter with you?"


"Please Lotus just listen-"


"No! You listen to me!" Any fear that she had for me quickly vanished and was replaced with hurt and anger. "Why are you so overprotective? You're so possessive I can't even have a simple relationship! Why can't you just be happy for me and stop worrying for once?"


I felt my heart shatter in a million pieces. Looking around I noticed neighbors look out their windows. What a sight this must be.


"I should have known this would happen." Lotus mumbled. She bent down to help Josh stand up as she soothingly coed in his ear. Pathetic.


"Lotus, can you please just listen?" I pleaded. I couldn't let her leave now, because I knew she wouldn't come back. The thought of that made tears prick the corner of my eyes.


"No, Liam! There's nothing you can say that can get you out of this," She sighed while wrapping her thin arm around Josh's waist as he leaned on her for support. 


"Just listen to me, please! He's no good for you Lotus!" I didn't mean for my voice to crack at the end of my sentence, but my emotions were taking over.


"How would you know Liam? You don't know what a good relationship is because the only one you had was shit!" 


I gape at her, surprised. She knew how sensitive this topic was. She has always been careful and rarely brought it up. She shook her head causing her dark brown locks to flow in the wind that was now picking up. Mumbling something incoherent in Josh's ear he stood up, slowly making his way to Lotus' front door. She watched him cautiously, hoping he wouldn't tumble over. After hearing the door shut she moved her attention back to me. A look of disappointment was etched on her soft features. 


"You wouldn't know a good relationship either," I spat angrily. "You've never been in one; you're so fucking blind from his good-guy facade he's got that you won't even heat me out." 


"You know what?" Her voice suddenly calm. Too calm. It gave me chills. "This isn't gonna work."


Her eyes began shining under the sunlight, tears began building up. Shaking her head and letting it fall down, a single tear ran down her round cheeks. Reaching out, I ran my finger drying her tears only to have her move her face away from my touch; as if I had some sort of plague.


"I-I don't think-" Her voice was low with hurt laced in it, which tugged at my heart. "We can't be friends Liam."


I gaze at her shocked. She can't be serious. Twelve years of friendship just gone? After everything we've done together. My gaze follows her as she slowly turns around to make her way back to her house.  The breeze pushing her hair back. I can't help the tears that are falling down my cheeks. Squeezing my eyes shut, I decide she's not leaving so easily. Striding to her quickly I catch up to her, gripping her thin forearm in my large hand tightly forcing her to look my way. 


"Twelve years of friendship, Lotus. Don't think I'm going to let you just throw this all away for some prick." I spat angrily. 


"Let. Go." She attempted to sound intimidating, but that only made me tighten my grip and grab her other forearm forcefully. 




"Liam I'm serious."


"So am I!" Shaking my head in attempt to return to some normal state. "Is he worth it? So worth it to just end...this?"


"I don't know anymore." Twisting her arms out of my forceful grip she continues her way down to her house. 


I watched as she walked away from our friendship. So many years to only be thrown away. I watched as she slowly climbed the two steps to her front porch, her head hung low. She grabbed the doorknob slowly twisting it. 


"When he breaks your heart, don't expect me to have my arms wide open for you!"


And her response to that tugged at my heart, the sound of her front door shut. 



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