Careless -Complete-

You were my best friend. We did everything together. You were my first laugh, my first trouble, my first time. Then you left when I needed you most. So Liam, please tell me why you're back. I want us to be the same but how can that be? We can't because back then we were careless...and I'm a mother now.
Warning: Mature scenes and language.

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5. Your dad

I woke up the same way I do every morning. Depressed. I quietly get out of bed, remembering that I slept with Jamie. I walk to the bathroom, go into the medicine cabinet and fish out my anti-depressants. I don’t want to be this way but …I am. I never understood the definition of depression. My perspective? Suffering from sadness.

I start to sob as I think of my life’s events so far. I’m so messed up. I look in the mirror and see this crying stranger. I don’t know who this person is. Will I ever?

The only light in my life is Jamie. I love him so much and I’d do anything for him. I try so hard to be the best mother I can be. He’s not only my son but he’s also my best friend. Well…he reminds me of him.

I walk to the kitchen so Jamie won’t wake up from my loud sobs. He reminds me of Liam so much. Some of the things he says and does makes me reminisce on the life I once had. And, oh gosh, he looks like him. He has the big brown eyes that make you give in at any request. His eyes crinkle when he smiles and he is so enthusiastic about everything.

I needed Liam. I needed him there when the kids at school called me names and forced me to drop out. He left. He made it while I was stuck at home and forced to suffer the aches and pains of pregnancy…at sixteen/seventeen. I needed a friend and I couldn’t get one.

I tried to watch him on the tele but it was so hard. Knowing that he had no idea he could be a father. It hurt me. I watched the first three weeks of the show but I couldn’t take it anymore. I suspected he did well since he never came home.

He never came back.

Now how am I going to tell him? Should I? No. He’s been fine this long without knowing.

I wipe away my tears, feeling dumb crying over something I’ve cried about for years now.

“Mommy?” I hear Jamie’s little voice whisper. I quickly sniffle and pull my act together. “Yeah baby?” I force a smile. He walks over to me and reached out his arms, telling me to pick him up. I do so and he sadly smiles at me. “Why you crying?” “I’m not. Mommy, got something caught in her eye, that’s all.”

He wraps his little arms around my neck and hugs me. “Don’t cry” he whispers, obviously not believing my white lie. “I’m fine.” He smiled and kissed my cheek. My sweet boy.

“What do you want for breakfast?” “Bacon!” I giggle, “You surely do love your bacon.” I walk him to the table and set him in his highchair. I take out the bacon and set in on a plate. I put the plate in the microwave and set it for about 2-3 minutes. What? Microwave turkey bacon is one of the healthiest ways you can have it. Don’t judge.

My phone starts to ring. I grab it from the counter, answer it and hold it to my ear. “Hello?” “Eddy, it’s me Liam.” I smile; I haven’t been called that in a while. “What’s up Li?” “I was wondering if you, Jamie and I could go out for lunch or something.” “Um, that’s fine.” “Okay that’s great.” “I don’t know exactly where you live” I mumbled. “Oh no that’s okay. I’ll pick you guys up around… 1:30?” “Sounds great. You better have a car seat” I laugh, knowing damn well he wouldn’t have one. He laughed, “Nope.”

“Just kidding. I have one. See you in a few.” “Bye.”

“Liam’s coming?” Jamie asked. “We’re going for lunch” I smile and take his plate out of the microwave. I set the bacon on a napkin and place it in front of him on the chair. “Careful, they’re hot.” He doesn’t listen and just starts stuffing it down with no problem.

I make myself some toast and spread jam over it. “Mommy?” “Yeah…” “When we went to the park the-the other day and I met Sophie…”  He only stutters when he’s nervous or can’t find the right words. “Yeah?” “She-she told me that her mommy and daddy love each other and that-that all babies are made with mommies and daddies.” I froze. What kind of three year is she?

“What are you saying Jamie?” He played with his last strip of bacon. “Wh-where’s my daddy?”

Oh gosh. I knew this was coming but not so soon. I haven’t even prepared a proper lie. Yes I know it’s wrong to lie but now I feel obligated. I was going to tell him the truth until Liam just waltzed back into my life. I can’t tell him because then he’s gonna start asking ‘Why doesn’t daddy know about me?’

What am I supposed to say? ‘I was just on the phone with your dad’?

“Your dad…he left a long time ago.” That wasn’t a lie at all.

“He doesn’t love me?” I saw the tears begin to form in his eyes. I got out of my seat and rushed to pick him up. “No no no” I gushed. “That’s not true.” Partially true. “Then why isn’t he here?” he began to cry. I sat back in my chair and had Jamie on my lap facing me. “You want me to tell you about him?” I say, dodging his question by asking my own. He nods as he wipes his tears away with the back of his hand.

“Okay well your dad and I were very close. He was very nice to mommy and cared for her. Mommy laughed all the time when she was around your dad. We did silly things that got us into trouble. Your dad and I were best friends.”

“I thought you-you and Liam were best friends.” Damn it. “Correct.” “Did daddy and Liam know each other?” I nodded and smiled, “They did. It was like they were the same person” I said in a joking voice but I was telling the truth. They ARE the same person.

“Is he Lea’s dad too?” My smile dropped as I tried to bite back the tears. I wearily nodded and wrapped my arms around him I rubbed his back, he wasn’t warm anymore.

“Everything about your dad stays between us okay?” “Okay” he whispered. I kissed the top of his head and enjoyed having my love in my arms.

***

Liam: I’m outside.

“You got your jacket Jamie?!” I yell from the front door. “I need help!” “Just bring it to me! Come on Liam’s here.” I carry the car seat in one hand and Jamie ran to take my other.

Liam’s POV:

I watch as Ed and Jamie step out of the building or their flat complex. She sets a car seat down on the ground and helps Jamie put on his black jacket and kiss his forehead. I can’t believe she’s a mother. I never saw that coming. Yet, I never thought I’d see her again. I wave at them so they can see the car, forgetting that the windows are tinted. I roll down the window, “Ed!” She snaps her head in my direction and waves. She opens the back door. “Hey Li!” She straps the seat in and Jamie climbs into it. “Hi Liam” he chirps. “Hey Jamie.”  She buckles him up, shuts his door and gets into the passenger side.

“Your car better have five star ratings” she mumbles as she buckles her belt. I laugh as I pull off the curb. “You think I’m joking but I’m dead serious.” I look at her monotone face. She suddenly brakes into laughter. “You’re so gullible!” I roll my eyes with a smile on my face.

Same old Eden.

“What’s this place?” She asks as I pull into the parking lot of the building. We drove about thirty minutes out of town so it was pretty far away. “It’s nice to come here to get out of the spotlight ya know? The paps don’t know about it and it’s never very busy.”

“Oh…” she said with sympathy laced in her voice. We got out of the car and went inside the restaurant. We seated ourselves and picked up a menu. “So…you never really have privacy?” she asks out of curiosity. I shake my head. “Well, tell me about it. How the X-factor went.”

“Um, after I went and made it through auditions I never got to go back…obviously.” She nods her head in understanding. “There was boot camp and I didn’t make it…again. Remember?” “Oh yeah! You went but never made it pass Simons house.”  I chuckled, “Yeah. Well after I got cut they called all five of us back and the judges decided to place us as a group.” “Ohhh.” “After some performances, I don’t know, girls went crazy.”

An older waitress came and took our drink orders.

“That must suck” she murmured. “It’s not that bad. I’ve wanted this for a long time. You know that.” She nodded. “You used to sing all the time with me. What happened?” I asked her.  She sighed, “A lot has changed since then Li, if you haven’t noticed.” She gestured between her and Jamie. I gave her a sad smile and looked at Jamie. He’s been sort of quiet and sad since he got in the car. Maybe something happened before hand.

The lady came back with our drinks and gave Jamie a paper and crayons in the process.

“So what’s been going on with you besides your famousness?” I laughed at her use of words. “I’m not with much people outside of my circle. It’s mostly just the lads, my family and Sophia.” “Who’s Sophia?” “Oh she’s my girlfriend” I replied. Her eyebrows raised, “How long have you two been together?” “Eh, a few months.” “Oh, well that’s…different” she giggled. I shook my head laughing. She always had a way of finding her way out of an awkward situation.

After taking our food orders it was a bit quiet. I was texting Niall, telling him not to eat my left over’s from yesterday.

“How’s it going Jamie?” I asked he hasn’t been in the best mood. “Fine” he whispered. I opened my mouth to say something but Ed went first. “I’m gonna use the restroom” she said. I nodded and she left us both at the table.

“You sure you’re okay Jamie? You seem down.” Tears brimmed in his small eyes. “My daddy doesn’t love me.”

Aw

“That’s not true, I’m sure he does. Does he say he loves you?” “I dunno” he wiped a tear away “I’ve never seen him.”

Poor boy. I remember my relationship with my dad and it was very strong. We did everything a father and son could do and I learned a lot of lessons from him. Now here’s Jamie with no father figure.

I didn’t know what to say. What could I say? Comfort him? Yeah. “He’ll come around one day and he’ll tell you himself.” “Promise?” I obviously couldn’t promise this but I had to get the frown off his face. “Promise.”

“You have the same mole I do” I lightly chuckled, changing the subject. “What?” he asked. I pointed to the mole on my neck and he did the same to his. “We’re like twins!” he exclaimed. “Wutcha talking about?” Eden says as she returns to the table. “Jamie said we were like twins since we had the same mole” I said, gesturing to the moles. “Oh yeah how ironic” she nervously laughed.

“Usually twins have same names!” Jamie said. “What’s yours?” he asked. I laughed, “You know mines.” “He means your full name” Eden giggled. “Oh, Liam James Payne.”

“Mines almost the same!” I gave Eden a confused look. “You’re Liam James and I’m Noah James” he added. Eden’s face had flushed and she tried to hide it behind her hands.

She named him after me.

Sort of.

“You, my friend, are officially awesome” I said and we both high-fived. “You are such a three year old” Eden mumbled. “Or I’m twenty” Jamie challenged. “Ouh, burn.”

We soon after got our food and ate in laughter. Ed and I had a little argument about the bill. She wanted to pay for her and Jamie’s meal even though I gladly offered. After ten long minutes she paid for Jamie’s meal and I paid for mine and hers.

“You have to work today?” I asked her as we buckled ourselves into the car. “Nope.” “You can come over to mine and the boys’ place.” She hesitated, “You sure?” “Yes Mommy yes!” Jamie exclaimed. I laughed, “We don’t mind the company.” “Okay then.”

She’s met us before but never seen us in our natural habitat.

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