Careless -Complete-

You were my best friend. We did everything together. You were my first laugh, my first trouble, my first time. Then you left when I needed you most. So Liam, please tell me why you're back. I want us to be the same but how can that be? We can't because back then we were careless...and I'm a mother now.
Warning: Mature scenes and language.

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23. I want Daddy

A/N: Read my authors note at the end of this chapter to know the details about a chance to be a character in this story!

“Daddy says that they’re on TV!”

I discreetly rolled my eyes. Of course they are.

I gave Jamie the remote and watched him flick through the channels. When he saw the boys his face lit with a smile.

I guess they were at a CD signing…book signing? Yeah those were books.

They looked tired and I couldn’t blame them. They do have a busy life, but they seemed to still smile at their fans.

Jamie snuggled up on my lap and mainly talked to himself about the boys. I watched some of the program but at times I’d shut my eyes before I started to cry.

Liam…he looked sad. I can’t help but feel guilty for his anguish but I know I shouldn’t. He hurt me too. I’d easily forgive him if he just told me why he was with her. He says it wasn’t what it looked like…then what was it? Why can’t he just tell me?

My phone vibrated in my back pocket. I laid Jamie on the couch and stood up to turn off the TV before answering my phone.

“Hello…” My voice was its usual croaked self as it has been for the past couple weeks.

“Oh, baby, you got it bad.”

Elizabeth.

“Look, Liz, I’m not in the mood to talk right now.”

“Too bad! This is the first time you’ve answered my calls since the whole ‘he who shall not be named’ incident happened.”

“I haven’t wanted to talk.”

“Please let me get you out of this funk. You’re making me upset over the phone!”

“I’m sorry, Liz, I’m not up for it. I’m with Jamie right now and I have work tomorrow.”

“You’re still leaving the house?!”

“Uh…yeah? What else am I supposed to do?”

“NOT get mobbed by the paps!”

“I have to work. It’s all I can do” I croaked.

“Sh…it’s alright. I'm visiting Niall now and I'd be devastated.”

“It’s so hard, Liz” I sobbed, “One moment I’m alone and depressed, plastering a fake smile just to remind my baby that it’ll be okay. The next I’m happy and loved and cherished with a new world practically built around me and then…it shatters at my feet.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be. I just never knew what I did wrong, you know? All I’ve ever done was love him, from day one. I can’t help but feel betrayed. I guess he…he just…he doesn’t love me.”

“He just said he did Eden.”

“What do you mean…he JUST did?”

She hesitated. I waited.

“You’re on speaker, Ed.”

Liam.

“What the hell Elizabeth?! I thought I was talking to a friend?!”

“I am your friend. The boys sort of just walked in when I was on the phone.”

“Boys?! As in all of them!”

“…yes.”

“Goodbye, Elizabeth!"

***

I set up my camera and pressed record.

“Hey old friend” I awkwardly waved. “It’s been a while since I’ve recorded. Nearly a year really. Jamie is asleep so I decided to make a video and get you up to date I guess” I shrugged.

I sighed, “Well the doctors boosted my anti-depressants. Jamie started to become curious about his dad and behold…Liam came back into my life, along with his band mates. Yup, little Li is famous now. Anyway, I started dating one of his friends, Harry. He was sweet and gave me some great advice but the boys had to leave. They were gone for a while and came back on Jamie’s birthday. Harry and I decided to be friends. Liam broke up with his bitch of a girlfriend and admitted to liking me…he even kissed me. I told him about Jamie and we started dating. We were together…an actual relationship. We said we loved each other. I was happy. He cheated…well at least that’s all I’m getting out of the pictures. He won’t tell me anything so…yeah. We’re not together anymore.”

I adjusted the camera, “That’s why you see me with red rims in my eyes and dark circles. Yes…I’ve been crying, like the vulnerable little girl that I am.”

I hear some movement behind me. I turn and see Jamie coming into the living room. I go to him and pick him up. “What are you doing up, baby? It’s eleven at night.”

“I want daddy.”

I sighed and looked at my baby with anguish. Oh I want him too.

“Well, he’s not here right now.”

He buried his face in my neck and sobbed. “Want mommy to make you food?” He shook his head. “You want to play with your toys?” He shook his head again.

“Want me to sing you a song?” He wiped his eyes and nodded. I set him on the couch and went to my old stereo from when I was much younger. I pulled out my old Cyndi Lauper CD (don’t ask) and played ‘True Colors’.

I grabbed the spoon I was eating ice cream with earlier and used it as a mic as I began singing.

You with the sad eyes
Don't be discouraged
Oh I realize
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness inside you
Can make you feel so small

But I see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

Jamie claps his hands and starts giggling. My baby boy.

Show me a smile then,
Don't be unhappy, can't remember
When I last saw you laughing
If this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
You call me up
Because you know I'll be there

I pointed at him and sang my heart out.

And I'll see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

He jumped off the couch and hugged me around my legs. “I’m glad you’re happy baby but now it’s time for bed.”

“No! Bath mommy!”

I went over to the camera and waved by before turning it off.

“Okay I’ll get your bath toys and-“

“No. I take bath with you.”

Oh boy. I remember when he was younger, about one, I’d bathe with him. He’d keep me company in my big bath back home. I’ve never thought about it since we moved here and I’m surprised her remembers.

“Okay, let me run the water.”

He followed me into the bathroom and grabbed the bath soap. He poured it in and watched in awe as the bubbles formed. I told him I’d be right back while I went to my room and put on my bathing suit. Like I’d really bathe with my three year old son naked.

When I got in the bathroom Jamie had already took off all his clothes and was stepping into the bath. I turned off the water and looked into the mirror so I could get a look of my face.

Oh my…

Red puffy eyes, pale lips and face. I even gained weight. Ugh. Not a lot but it was obvious enough for me to notice. I look horrid.

I put my straightened hair in a ponytail and got into the bath. I washed Jamie as he sat between my legs and ‘washed’ my knees. I lathered his hair and rinsed it with the cup I keep beside the tub.

 I guess the warmth of the water got to my baby because not long after his bathing he turned around, wrapped his arms and legs around me and drifted.

I sunk a little into the bath and stroked his back as his soft snores echoed through the bathroom.

My phone rang and I was quick to answer it, not wanting wake Jamie.

“Hello?” I spoke low.

“Ed?”

Oh Liam.

“What are you doing calling me at midnight?”

“I don’t know…boredom? What are you doing up?”

“Couldn’t sleep.”

“Am I interrupting something? You sound really quiet.”

“Jamie’s fallen asleep on me.”

“Oh” he chuckled.

“Why’d you call?”

His hesitation had me nervous. Does he seriously want to talk about ‘us’ right now? At 11:46 at night?

“You know Valentine’s Day is in a few weeks and I just…I don’t know, wanted to get you something?”

“I don’t think that’s very appropriate.”

“Why not? I love you and I want to get something for you.”

My heart constricts. Oh but you can’t Liam!

“Stop acting like we’re together” I whisper as my never ending tears seem to reappear.

“In my mind we are.”

“Well, we’re not. I can’t…I can’t trust you, Li.”

“Please…”

I let out a shaky breath. “I think I should go.”

“No, wait. Let me speak to Jamie.”

“He’s asleep.”

“Just…put the phone to his ear and let me say goodnight.”

“Alright.”

I put the phone to his ear and a few seconds later I heard Liam say ‘Goodnight Noah, I love you’.

Jamie gasped as he sprung his head up from my chest. “Daddy?” he questioned.

To say I was surprised is an understatement.

I could hear Liam speak, as the phone wasn’t too far away from me.

“Hey, buddy. How’s it going?”

I held the phone to his ear because his hands were wet and pruney.

“I miss you daddy.”

“I miss you too. I’ll be there very soon. I promise.”

Jamie sneezes and nearly makes me drop the phone. Yikes!

“Bless you” I whisper.

“You alright Jamie, you sick?” Liam asks.

“No, just a little cold.”

“Oh, well you should be wrapped up in some blankets.”

“I’m in bath with mommy.”

“Really? That sounds fun.”

“Yeah, she wears suit but I dunno why.”

I can’t help the giggle that escapes my lips.

“She doesn’t wanna show you her big girl parts” Liam says.

“I seen them already” Jamie quips. My eyes widen.

“Oh I have too.” I could just hear his smirk. I snatch the phone away and back to my ear.

“Liam!” His laugh nearly makes me cave, but that wasn’t funny. “It was just fun with my boy.”

I saw Jamie shiver a bit and nuzzle himself closer into my body.

“Okay, Liam I think we’re gonna turn in.” “Alright, would it be okay if I called tomorrow?”

“Um, we’ll see, if I’m not busy.”

Doing what? Crying?

“Okay, talk to you tomorrow.”

“Yeah…”

We both stay on the line.

“Hang up” I say.

“You hang up…”

“Liam.”

“Eden.”

I smile, “Seriously.”

“Okay okay. Love you, bye.” He hangs up.

“I love you too” I whisper to myself.

After getting out of the tub and draining the water I dry Jamie and myself off. I change him into his pajamas and tuck him into his bed, leaving a kiss on his cheek. I get back into my room and search for some pajamas but sadly, they’re all dirty. Ugh, that means I have to do laundry tomorrow. I pull out the only clean jumper in my drawer and find out that its Liam’s. *sigh*

I inhale its scent. It smells of him.

I slip it on over my underclothes and hug myself, trying to hold myself together so I wouldn’t cry.

I get under the covers and drift off.

***

I wake up to someone knocking on my door. I rush to answer it. I don’t want them waking Jamie. I peek into his room and lightly smile when I see that he’s still sleep. I go to the door and answer it.

My face falls.

“Eden!” she squeals and wraps her arms around me.

“Hey Elizabeth” I mumble.

She takes a step back and practically observes me. “Is that Liam’s?” she asks, nodding towards my shirt.

I pale, “It’s laundry day.”

“Mhm, I’d say that too but Niall and I don’t necessarily need clothes when we’re around each other” she smirks.

“Oh god” I groan.

After inviting her in and settling ourselves in the kitchen I ask why she’s really here.

“There’s a party and-“

“No.”

“Oh pleeasseee Eden?”

“No. I have Jamie and I don’t want to.”

“El offered to watch him! You know how much she loves that boy. He’ll be in good hands. Promise!”

“I don’t know…”

“It’ll be fun. You need to get out of the house anyway” she says, eyeing my appearance.

“Hey!”

The day went by so long. El came and picked up Jamie, no problem. Elizabeth already came prepared. She bought me a dress and even underwear. How embarrassing.

Right now it was seven in the evening and she was doing my hair. She had just finished straightening the last strand.

“It’s so long” I complain.

“Oh but It’s cute this way!”

My hair fell past my shoulder blades now. It’s such a hassle. “Can you somehow make it look a little shorter?”

“I’ll curl it” she moaned it complaint.

After she loosely curled my dark brown hair I had to admit it looked really nice.

She did my makeup and when I looked in the mirror, I didn’t even look like myself.

I had a lot of mascara and eyeliner. It made my eyes pop so much more. She shaped my eyebrows and put on some red mate (however you spell it) lipstick on my lips.

So now here I was in a little black party dress, high heels, and makeup.

Who the hell am I?

As soon as we got there paparazzi swarmed us. Elizabeth rushed us in and the atmosphere of this place practically slapped me in the face. Everyone was dancing and partying around.

My phone rang. How the hell am I supposed to answer it here?

“Hello?” I shout over the music that surprisingly cuts off. “You look really pretty tonight.”

The voice on the phone I know is Liam but…it also plays through the speakers. How does he know I’m he-.

I look frantically around the place as I hang up the phone.

The sight further on the stage made me pause.

He’s here.

The stage lights came on and everyone’s quieted down.

The boys are on stage.

“You knew” I gasped.

Elizabeth was guilty.

I could’ve been Moses because the people cleared my path to the stage within seconds.

Liam looked right into my eyes and mouthed, ‘I’m sorry’.

A soft melody began to play. My eyes watered at the sight.

So your friend's been telling me
You've been sleeping with my sweater
And that you can't stop missing me
Bet my friend's been telling you
I'm not doing much better
'Cause I'm missing half of me

And being here without you is like I'm waking up to

Only half a blue sky
Kinda there but not quite
I'm walking around with just one shoe
I'm half a heart without you
I'm half a man at best,
With half an arrow in my chest
I miss everything we do,
I'm half a heart without you

Forget all we said that night
No, it doesn't even matter
'Cause we both got split in two
If you could spare an hour or so,
We'll go for lunch down by the river
We can really talk it through

And being here without you is like I'm waking up to

Only half a blue sky
Kinda there but not quite
I'm walking around with just one shoe
I'm half a heart without you
I'm half a man at best,
With half an arrow in my chest
'Cause I miss everything we do,
I'm half a heart without you

Half a heart without you,
I'm half a heart without you

Though I try to get you out of my head
The truth is I got lost without you
And since then I've been waking up to

Only half a blue sky
Kinda there but not quite
I'm walking around with just one shoe
I'm half a heart without you
I'm half a man at best,
With half an arrow in my chest
I miss everything we do,
I'm half a heart without you

Without you, without you, half a heart without you
Without you, without you, I'm half a heart without you

I wipe my tear away, being careful to mind my mascara.

I can’t.

I turn and jog out of the place, being grateful that the paps left.

I can faintly hear ‘Eden wait!’ from Liam.

I start to walk towards Elizabeth’s car and lean against it, hoping she’ll get the message and follow me.

“Ed!”

Dammit.

He jogs to me and the mere sight of him makes me roll my eyes.

“You can’t just do that Liam!”

His eyes widen at my sudden outburst.

“Sing a fucking song and think that everything’s forgiven!”

“I’m trying!”

“Trying? Trying?! Why don’t you start by TRYING to tell me the truth?!”

“You know I can’t do that.”

“Do I?”

“Look, Eden, Danielle’s a friend...not even. I asked Harry for his help and Danielle just so happened wanted to help too. She was just there. Harry and her are friends not me and her or anything more.”

I was so ready to forgive him. Really. I was just being stubborn now.

“Do you know how hard it’s been for me?” he added, ruining everything.

I sarcastically laughed, “For you? For you?!”

“Yes, for me!”

“Wow, how selfish of you! You have everything Liam! You have friends, family, fame, everything! And when one thing doesn’t go your way, you pity yourself? What about me? What do I get? Nothing! Absolutely nothing! I never got MY cliché movie date or a normal start at adult hood. I work my ass off at that damn restaurant trying to feed my baby and you have the nerve to tell me things have been hard on you when you cheated?”

“I didn’t cheat.”

“Whatever Liam. I just…can’t with you right now.”

He took a step towards me with his big brown eyes seeking mine. If he gets any closer, I’ll break.

I held up my hand between the little space that we had between each other.

“I remember when you told me…no, promised me, that things will get better. Have they Liam? Does this look better to you?”

He took grasp of both of my arms, “I’m sorry okay? I’m sorry for everything I’ve ever put you through and I’m sorry for making you think you can’t trust me, but you can Ed. I’m especially sorry for allowing you to let me tell you my news about X-factor first when your news was obviously more important. I’m sorry.”

I stifled my smile at his last statement. I wonder if I would’ve told him my pregnancy new first if we’d be in the same position we are now.

“Hey, don’t cry” he whispered as he wiped an unknown tear from my cheek. He kissed my forehead before leaning it against mine. Oh I’ve missed him.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him. “Welcome back” I laughed through my sob.

He rubbed his hands up and down my back, “Wouldn’t have had it any other way.”

“Now I know you’re lying.”

“Okay, yes I could’ve gone without the yelling but I’m glad I get to hold you again” he mumbled with a slight chuckle.

Me too, Liam. Me too.

 

A/N: Hey guys! I updated earlier than expected. Proud of me? Tell me what you guys thought about this chapter!

Okay I'm gonna ask you something I've been asking since the last two chapters...please read my movella 'Echo'. I'm so desperate right now. I put so much imagination into it and I really want you guys to read it because I think it has the potential to be even better than this one!

I'm gonna make it challenging. If you favorite and comment on THAT movella (Echo) I will add you into THIS story. You'd be yet another important character like Elizabeth is. So please do it! I'd really appreciate it guys!

Bye my little leprechauns!

-Mone'

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