Careless -Complete-

You were my best friend. We did everything together. You were my first laugh, my first trouble, my first time. Then you left when I needed you most. So Liam, please tell me why you're back. I want us to be the same but how can that be? We can't because back then we were careless...and I'm a mother now.
Warning: Mature scenes and language.

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7. Addie

I had just gotten off work and we were on our way home as I was giving Jamie a piggy back ride. My cell rang. “Hello?” I answered, not bothering to read the ID. “Hey, it’s Harry.” “Oh, hi Harry.” 

How did he get my number?

“I got your number from Liam. I’m not a stalker or anything” he laughed, answering my unspoken question.

“Oh okay” I giggled. “Is there a reason why you called?” I pressed the phone between my cheek and shoulder as I adjusted Jamie’s position on my back. He must’ve been sleep because his posture was lazy. I carefully brought him around my body, resting him on my hip with his head in my neck.

“The boys and I were planning on going to the beach tomorrow and I wanted to invite you.”

The beach?

“Umm that’s okay but my car is still getting fixed so-…” “Don’t worry, we’ll come and pick you guys up so we can all go together.” “You sure?” “Yup.” “Alright sounds like a plan.”

After my phone call with Harry we got home. I laid Jamie down on the couch so I could watch him from the kitchen as I prepared dinner. I was boiling water for macaroni and cheese when my phone vibrated. From Liam: Harry’s excited about tomorrow ;)

To Liam: -.- spare me. If he likes me I’d like to find out myself, not have you intervene.

From Liam: And why not?

To Liam: Your opinion of him would be bias of course.

From Liam: If that’s what you think.

Liam and I messaged the rest of the afternoon. Jamie had woken up and ate dinner. I watched him play with his toys in the living room as I cleaned the kitchen.

It was starting to get late. I could tell by the way my eyelids felt heavy. “Jamie, pick up your toys and go get ready for a bath.”  He groaned, “But mommy Captain America was just about to beat Spiderman” he whined. I lightly smiled at his poor pairing for action figures.

“You heard what I said.” After a while I hear him stomp away into his bedroom. I heard drawers opening and closing as I dried my hands with the dish towel. I walked to the living room to turn off the tele when I stepped on something sharp. “Ow!” I looked down and saw it was the Hulk action figure lying messily on the floor with the rest of the heroes.

“Noah James! Living room. Now.”

I heard his small steps enter the room. “Yes?” he said in his small innocent voice but I wasn’t falling for it. “What did I tell you about these toys?” He stayed quiet, not sure if I was angry or not. He looked down to his feet. “I dunno.” “I told you to pick them up. Now mommy hurt her foot.” “Sorry…” I could hear the cry in his voice. I walked over to him, making sure to watch my step, and picked him up. “I’m not mad” I spoke softly to him. “You sound mad” he whispered. “No. It just makes me upset when you don’t listen.” He nodded. “Alright, so pick up the toys and I’ll run your bath okay?” “Okay.”

I set him down and walked to the bathroom. I turned the water on warm and set a couple of his bath toys inside. Minutes later after the bath was filled Jamie came running into the bathroom naked. I laughed, “Well, you were ready.” “I love baths!” he exclaimed, already recovered from his saddened state.

He jumped in, making a splash. I sat at the edge of the tub as I watched him play for a bit. He told me about all his superheroes he had. It wasn’t anything new to me. I basically grew up with a batman fanatic.

“Time to wash up.” I grabbed his wash cloth and poured some soap on it. I handed it to him and he washed himself as I began to wash his hair. His hair was short, brown and wavy. I loved it. It’s always so soft and I tend to keep it that way. His hair was nothing like mines. My hair was naturally dark and curly. His hair was like Liam’s. I sighed. Thinking about him is hard.

“Can you tell me more about daddy?”

Speaking of Liam.

“Um, sure.” He closed his eyes as I rinsed the shampoo from his hair. “Your dad used to sing to me.” “Really?” he whispered. “Yep, he sang me the bedtime song” I smiled. “I like that song.”

Jamie always called it the bedtime song. It was cute. It was really ‘Look after you’ by The Fray. I don’t know why Liam chose that song to sing me but I know when it started.

I was alone in my bedroom and it was completely dark. I had to be at least nine years old. I hated the dark and I was terrified. I kept envisioning someone grabbing me and taking me away. My parents said I was too old to sleep in their bed so I had to stay here.

I got out of bed and made my way to my window. I lifted it and began to climb across the tree to Liam’s window. I tapped on the glass and made him wake from his slumber. He walked over to the glass and lifted it so I could come in. “What’s wrong?” he whispered, knowing by the look on my face that I wasn’t alright. “I’m too scared to sleep by myself” I quietly admitted. He took me by the hand and instructed me to lie in his bed. I did and he climbed in afterward. He wrapped his arms around me but I couldn’t get the scary thoughts out of my head.

I quietly sobbed. I was such a wimp then. “Shh” he stroked my hair. “Do something to make me forget…please” I cried. He brought me closer and started to sing a very soothing song. I had no idea then that he could sing. It was amazing. I fell asleep with a smile on my face…

“You learned the song from him?” Jamie asked. “Yeah, it helped me fall asleep because I had bad dreams.” “You still have those…” he whispered with his head down, the water running down his face. “He just hasn’t been around, he was always there to help” I shake my head. He stands up read to dry off. I take the towel and wrap it around his body, ruffling it over his small body to dry him off. “He left because of me” he says before bursting into tears. I stand up and cradle his wrapped up body in my arms.

My little boy.

So torn.

I want nothing more than to tell him but what would happen after that?

I sit him on the counter and lean down a bit so we’re eye level. He hangs his head down and pulls the towel tighter around his body as he shivers. I grab his chin and angle his red and tear stained face towards mine.

“You listen to me” I said, the cry breaking through my voice. “Your father was a good guy, IS a good guy, I’m sure of it.” He shook his head not believing me. Tears of my own started to fall. “He DID NOT leave because of you. I promise you that. He…He doesn’t know you’re here. He’d LOVE you baby. He would.”

He sobbed, “I just want to be like other people. I want him here.” I wrapped my arms around him as my tears continued to fall, “Me too, baby, me too.”

***

Liam’s POV:

I knocked on the door feeling annoyed. Not at being at Ed’s but the fact that Harry didn’t want to come and do it himself. Since when is he shy?

She answered the door with a smile. I absentmindedly took a quick scan over her body. She wore a black sheer crop top and a sheer bikini cover up tied around her waist. I could see her red bikini under both of them. She looked…nice.

“So…you’re just gonna stare or do you wanna come in?” “Oh, sure I’ll come in” I stammered as I felt my face heat. She stepped aside and let me in. I’ve never been in here and it’s quite quaint. It looks like an enlarged version of her old bedroom. There was visibly two bedrooms and a bathroom. She walked a bit further into the flat and I followed.

“Want something to drink?” she asked. “No thanks.”  She smiled, “Um, I just have to wake Jamie from his nap then we can go.” I nodded and she left the room. I was now in the living room and there were lots of tapes and pictures. I walked over to the pictures and scanned.

There was a baby picture of Ed. I knew it was her because it was the picture from her old house, same frame and all. There was another of Ed at her middle school graduation. Well it was the both of us. We both were looking at each other and laughing, not paying attention to the camera.

One was of Jamie and it looked pretty recent. There was another of her and I on the night of our spring formal. It was THAT night. The night I didn’t lose but found everything with her. The feeling with her was so intense and had me groaning and gasping for air. One of the best moments of my life.

The last picture I saw was of Eden lying in a hospital bed with babies in her arms. She looked like her younger self. Except her skin was pale, her eyes sunk and her hair knotted but she managed to put a smile on her face.

I wonder if the babies were hers. They probably were. I knew the one wrapped in blue cloth was a boy and was Jamie. The other was wrapped in pink cloth. It had to be a girl. The girl that was in heaven getting stronger. I lightly touched over the picture, imagining how the little girl would be.

“Her name’s Lea” I heard her soft voice from behind me. I slightly jumped but turned my head anyway. She lightly smiled and stood next to me, also examining the photograph. “She’s beautiful.” “Yeah.” “What happened?” I cautiously implied.

She sighed, “She died…a couple of months after they were born.” She sniffled but I didn’t know how to comfort her.  “They said her lungs were underdeveloped, but they said she’d be alright. They let me take her home and then she…she got really sick. She caught pneumonia, Li” she cried. I took her in my arms and stroked her hair as she cried into my chest.

“They said it was because my pregnancy was unhealthy” she hiccupped. “What do you mean?” I whispered. She cried harder but the sounds muffled into my shirt. This is the first time in a long time I’ve seen her cry and it’s not a pleasant experience.

“Th-The kids at school, when you left, the made fun of me.” Her voice was more clear and she said the words as she wiped her tears. “They called me all kinds of ‘sluts’ and ‘whores’ just because I was pregnant.”

I pondered on what she said. Where was Jamie’s dad during all of this? Wasn’t he there to help her out? Did he leave?

“These girls followed me from school one day. I was only a couple months but I was huge and I didn’t understand why. I took the back creek way…” she paused, making sure I understood what she meant. I nodded.

“They yelled at me but I ignored them. They didn’t like that. They pushed me over and I fell onto that boulder that you sprained your ankle on that one time…” she said, confirming again. I nodded again with wide eyes. Who does that?

She tear up again, “I had a huge bruise on my right side and they said she might not make it… she didn’t.”

I couldn’t say anything. I felt sick. Those people were sick. No wonder Ed and I never talked to them. “I’ sorry I’m dumping all this on you” she laughed. Probably out of silliness but I didn’t find it funny. It was quite sad. “I don’t mind you telling me this. You know you can tell me anything.”

She smiled up at me, “You wanna see her?”

I raised an eyebrow, “What?”

She pointed to the stacks of VHS tapes. “My dad thought it’s be a good idea to film every moment of my life, starting with the day you left. He called it ‘the independent diaries’. I guess ‘cause we never really separated” she laughed. She turned on the TV and VHS player. She played a tape named ‘October 12th 2010 the big day!’

“Sit” she instructed.  

The boys waiting at the house weren’t important right now. This was. They can wait.

I sat on the couch and Ed pressed play on the player before sitting next to me. The video played.

“Say hi Eden” her dad said from behind the camera.

It was a video of Eden in the hospital, she looked the same as the picture I saw. I’m guessing it’s the same day.

“Shut up dad” she moaned trying to block the camera with her hand.

“So here we are in only six hours into labor and you’re already quitting?” his accent flowed and made me smile. I haven’t heard that voice in a while.

“I’m not quitting, gosh dad cut the camera off!”

“You’re snappy today.”

“Oh, well I’m giving birth today” she replied sarcastically. That made me laugh.

He sighed, “You ready Ed?”

“Don’t call me that.” “You liked to be called that when L-“

“You’re not Liam so please don’t.” My smile dropped. She really did miss me.

“Daddy” she started to say in a crying voice, “I’m so scared.”

“I know, I know. I’m so sorry you have to go through this right now.”

“It hurts… so much.”

“What should I do? What do you want?”

“Damn it, I want Liam! He’s never here! I haven’t seen him in, what, 7/8 months?! I need him! He’d sing to me or some shit! He’d know what to do. It hurts…please.”

I watched the video as her eyes slowly rolled to the back of her head. Her face went pale and the heart monitor started to beat really fast.

“Can someone help!” her dad yelled before the camera cut off.

“They said I nearly died of high blood pressure” she mumbled from beside me. “Why are you showing me this?” my voice cracked. Seeing her nearly die after ranting over the loss of me was heartbreaking.

I couldn’t be there for her.

“It’s almost the best part” she whispered, her eyes focused on the screen.

The video continued.

It was Ed again holding the two babies in her arms. “How was it?” he humorously asked. She lightly laughed, “twelve hours later and I get these two.”

“She’s so tiny” the recognizable Spanish accent of her mother said. Ed nodded, “They’re both a little premature but she’s a little underdeveloped. She’ll be fine.”

Ed shook her head from beside me.

“What will you name them?” her father asked. She smiled, “I’ve been thinking.” “Wutcha got?”

“I like Noah. Noah James.”

“Like Liam James” I could hear the smile in his voice.

Her cheeks tinged on camera. “I don’t know. I’ve always liked the name.”  “I like it” her dad said. “Same” her mom agreed.

She smiled, “Noah James” she whispered, leaned down and kissed his forehead.

I smiled at that. “That was the only thing my mom and I could agree on” Ed said from her place on the couch.

“What about the girl?” her mother said with annoyance in her voice. Eden rolled her eyes. “I thought of Lea. I like the sound of Lea Adeline.”

“Por qué no puedes nombrarla un nombre española?”

“Mi bebe. Mi decisión.”

Whatever they were saying had to be important because they were yelling at each other.

Eden groaned. “I like Lea” her dad interrupted, trying to lighten the tension.

“Fine” her mother mumbled. Eden smiled because she got her way. “Lea Adeline” she whispered and kissed her tiny head.

The video cut off and I glance at Ed who had a few tears on her cheeks. I reached over and wrapped my arms around her. “I’m sorry I left” I whispered in a hoarse voice before kissing the top of her head. She lightly shook her head, “Don’t blame yourself. You made something of yourself. I’m proud.”  I smiled again.

“Did she have a nickname?” “Nickname?” “Well, yeah Jamie’s really name is Noah. Did she have a nickname?”

She giggled, “Yeah, Addie…My Addie.”

 

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