In Little Joy and Much Sorrow

Lucy has a stroke of luck at a HIM concert, when she has the chance to go backstage. But soon she sees it might actually be a stroke of bad luck and soon she finds herself in a whirlwind of HIMesque emotion. For the Backstage contest. Sentences and phrases in italics are references to song lyrics by HIM. Listen to the songs whilst reading the chapters for a more vivid reading experience. [Rated Yellow due to alcohol use , drug use and strong language].


1. The Funeral Of Hearts

Sentences and phrases in italics are references to  song lyrics by HIM.


"When angels cry blood, on flowers of evil in bloom..." The audience screams as the final chords rounded off the song. I can't  tell half the time if they scream for the amazing songs or for Ville Valo, the singer,  who at thirty six years old doesn't  look too bad,to say the least. The odour of smoke effects and watered down beer fills the arena just as strongly as the heartfelt songs. I have to admit though, the fan girl screams are far out-weighing the pungent scents and the music combined. 

"One look into your eyes and I'm crying."

 "You're so beautiful." 

"Oh my baby."

"Just one smile and I'm dying."

"And you're so beautiful."

"Oh my darling." 

He returns their calls , welcoming their sweet six six six's into his heart, with a weak grin and a twinkle in his green eyes.  "Just one more thing..." Clamours for another song rise from the audience. . "We'll get to that in a minute." Cheers now rise from the audience. Ville waves  his hand to hush up the crowd. "Right, so, what I want you all to do is get out your tickets." Although confused, everyone digs up their tickets hastily. "Flip to the back.  You see that Heartagram?" I nod, and await the  next instruction. The Heartagram is the HIM logo, which was drawn by Ville  himself . Everyone  else are shaking their heads, though. "Aha! So who can see the Heartagram on their ticket?" My whole body is shaking with sheer nerves, but I raise my hand and call out, "I can on mine!" 


"And what's your name?"


"Well, congrats Lucy! You have  a backstage pass , and you will have a set list and a meeting with myself !"

The whole audience glare at me. They are mad, even more so because a teenage girl has the pass, and how on earth can she be a true HIM fan? Well trust me, I am. 
"Last song then," calls Ville. Linde, the guitarist, plays  a spontaneous riff to liven up the angry mob. It works. "Your choice, Lucy"

My voice is now hoarse from shouting across the room, but  I  manage to shout out, "In Joy and Sorrow!" The audience seem perplexed at my choice, which isn't  surprising seeing as that song comes  from one of their early, less well known albums. Nevertheless, Mige (the bass player) and Linde switch  up their instruments, and the song begins . Here I am, waiting for the calm to soothe my heart. Here I am, I don't know how to stop my heart from beating so fast from the excitement. 


I look around the corridor, clutching the set list with my clammy hands. A  box wheels   past with objects wrapped in black cloth. In front of me is a man in a black tee shirt guides me towards the door at the end of the corridor. The smell of smoke is evident, and I hold my breath trying not to choke. I am warned to prepare myself for the fall, because apparently Ville isn't  in the best of moods. I think  it's  nonsense though, seeing as he had been in such a good mood on stage. Yet, I am armed to the teeth for his tender pain. 

The guard opens the door, hustles  me in, announces  me briefly, then darts back out again. I wonder why he was in such a hurry...? Then I glance at Ville and see why. In his left hand he has a cigarette, lit and at it's end. In his right hand, he has a large glass of red wine, and he is sobbing into it. "I did it all just for her. I did it all just for her. And love wants us dead, just me and my poison girl." 

I shuffle my feet awkwardly, not really knowing what to say. "Ville..."His eyes dart up to my face. They  are bleary, probably from the drink. I thought he'd given it up years ago, same with the cigarettes. Clearly not. Still, I owe it to him as a fan and a saddened onlooker to try and talk to him. "Can't you see she's  the heartless? Your pain is not love. She's  taking it too far. And...don't you know this is wrong?" I gesture to his hands.

He takes a long drag of his cigarette, and looks me  in the eye. His eyes have  lost their light, and they're   empty. 'Oh my God , you're  so empty.' I think to myself . He looks  nothing like the cool, laid back guy I've watched in interviews. I am  trying to find the heart he hides in vain, but it's  hopeless. There is nothing I can do for him. "Layla..."


 He leans forward slightly. "I am in a mess,and I appreciate your concern, really, I do. But this isn't your problem, it's mine. Please, just go.." I tried to call his name, but I am silenced by the fear of dying in his heart again. He glances at me, then turns away, a light pink colour rising on his pale neck from the embarrassment. I spread a blank look on my face. I play dead to hide my heart, until the world dark faded away, and turn towards the door. With a heavy heart I leave, quietly scuttling back down the corridor, trying not to arouse anyone's concern. I reach the backstage exit and go outside. Then, I start to cry. I cry, like God cries the rain. 

"Oh Ville," I sighed quietly. "Oh,  my baby, how beautiful you are. And oh, my darling, completely torn apart, You're gone with the sin , my baby,  and beautiful you are. So gone with the sin, my darling."

The night bus driver pulls up in front of me, and offers me a free ride home, which I'm guessing is because I look so sad. I accept though, and into the night I ride, scars wide open. I know into the night, me and Ville both are torn and broken, bleeding into the night.


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