Skinny Summer

I was fifteen back then, and it was summer. No worries about school or mean girls. I went on a road trip with my dad. He was always a good father, but he didn't know me. No one ever knew me. I lived a life in my head. A girl was haunting me in every reflection.
I felt insane, but I had to hide it. I couldn't tell my dad.

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2. Goodbye Sweden

Dad opened the window next to him and shouted:

“Goodbye, Sweden!”

Pretty embarrassing considering we waited for the green light and a bunch of cars were all around us.

I was still sitting on the couch in the autocamper. The whole thing was light brown and had white furniture. We had two beds in the bag, but they weren’t so comfortable.

I was getting carsick.

“How’s it going back there?” dad asked.

“I’m good!”

I felt like throwing up, but dad would definitely hear it. I turned on the old, boxy TV and hurried to the bathroom. By ‘bathroom’ I mean the closet with a hole in the floor. It wasn’t the most luxurious toilet, but whatever.

My index- and middle finger went down my throat, and made me puke. I felt much better afterwards.

I flushed and walked out of the ‘closet’.

Next to the ‘closet’ we had a table with two couches. On the table, there were a bunch of magazines from the 90’s. I took one of them and started looking at the pages. Funny how people back then looked so different. Their clothes and hairstyles were nothing like the ones today. They all looked so natural. They all had natural-looking blonde hair and average looking clothes. Today, everybody has fake hair and expensive clothes. I wonder how it was living back then. Well, I did live back then, but I was born in 1997, so I don’t remember any of it. I looked out of the window. We hadn’t gone so far yet, but there were still a bunch of people I hadn’t seen before. Some were tall, some were short. Some were chubby and some were skinny. Everyone was different, but they looked good. I didn’t know which category to put me in. Was I tall or short? Was I skinny or chubby? I had no idea. My opinion changed every day. Some days I felt like this, and other days I felt like that. I wondered what I looked like to other people.

“Wanna stop and grab some lunch?” dad asked.

I put the magazines away and said:
“Sure.”

He found a parking lot. We got out and went to a fast-food restaurant. I sighted as I realized it.

Dad held the door for me and as soon as I walked in, I was overwhelmed in a bad way.

Loud beeping sounds were coming from the kitchen. Sweaty, greasy teenagers were serving the food. The air was thick and hot and there were children screaming all over the place. I already knew I hated the place.

I found a place to sit and dad followed. The table was greasy and dusty. I was grossed out by the filthiness.

“So what do you want, sweet pea?” dad asked me.

To be honest, I didn’t want anything. Everything was disgusting and gross. I hated it.

“I don’t know, you can just order something for me”, I answered.

He got up, took his wallet and said:
“I’ll have a cheeseburger with fries and a soda. I’ll just get you the same.”

The place was already disgusting. Adding cheese didn’t make it any better.

“Ok”, I said and smiled.

My shoes were almost stuck because the floor was so sticky. A baby was on its mothers lap. His cheese covered mouth smiled at me. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, only a diaper.

Dad came back with the food. It was on a big, brown tray.

He put my food in front of me and said:
“Here you go, beautiful.”

He cheese was dripping from the burger and the fries were greasier than greasy.

My heart was pounding faster and faster. I did not like it at all.

I tried to see how many calories there was in the burger, but the menu said nothing about it.

I almost cried, but if I did, I’d have to explain everything to dad.

The bun was 100% white bread and there were no vegetables in the burger.

I took a deep breath. I took one bite. One little bite. I took another and another and another. I couldn’t stop. It tasted so good. Deliciously, the cheese covered my teeth like thick fudge. I ate all the fries in just to bites.

“Wow sweety, you seem hungry”, dad said.

That’s when I realized; I was out of control. I had eaten a burger and fries in a few minutes.

“Oh God, what have I done?” I asked myself in my head.

I took a few sips of the soda and said:
“Mind if I go the bathroom?”

“Just hurry, we’re leaving soon”, he answered with a smile.

I walked fast over to the bathroom. That’s when the tears came. A lady walked out of the bathroom and saw my tears. I pushed her to the side and hurried. I went to one of the stalls, closed the door and locked it.

A few girls were washing their hands in the sink.

I went on my knees, lifted the seat and bended my bag. I was facing the toilet water. My left hand held my hair like a ponytail and my right hand was shoved down my throat. I felt the food pushing. I had to get rid of it. I had to. I shoved my hand more and more down my throat. My knuckles were bleeding because of the pressure from my teeth.

The food went up. It hit the water, and my throat became sore. I started to cry. My eyes were soaking wet, and my hand was bleeding. The girls outside became quiet.

I was done. I flushed the toilet, took the seat down and got my head up from the toilet.

I broke. I took some toilet paper and dried the blood off of my knuckles. I dried my mouth and went out.

The girls looked scared of me. A girl stepped aside and let me use the sink. I filled my mouth with cold water and spit it out.

“You want a gum?” one of the girls asked shyly.

I looked at her, but said nothing. She handed me a mint gum and stepped back. The other girls were quiet.

I dried my eyes and smiled.

I walked out and back to the table.

“Ready?” he asked.

“Ready”, I answered.

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