The Mommy Porn Effect

Ella, a seemingly normal woman has a very secret life. She could be the girl next to you in lecture or behind you at the store. Only, Ella has been reading, and there is nothing more powerful than words to awaken you.

Through her on/off relationship with Tyler Dobson, and her persistent curiosity, Ella comes to the conclusion; 'It's all about sex.'

Based on a true story.

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5. Chapter 5

            Andy the owner of Blue was tough to crack. He seemed concerned that I was ‘another clueless student’ that would ‘only fail’. He made me feel uncomfortable and small, but the venue was perfect and perhaps he would make for good experience; learning how to deal with arrogant, difficult and belittling clients.

            I had stood my ground and somehow plucked confidence out of thin air. I may be a student but I do have experience, I have put on many events at college, and I am working with people I can rely on. I don’t know quite how I had managed it, but the venue was secured. Tyler would be proud of me, the budding businessman. I had to call him.

            ‘Tyler!’ I lost all recollection of the night a few days previous. I was too exited and proud of myself. ‘I secured a venue for the event, from this really mean guy! But I stood my ground and I showed him just how professional I was, and now everyone’s going to be so happy, cause this venue is perfect!’

            ‘Woah, Ella, slow down!’ Tyler could barely keep up with me in these moods. ‘Say it again slowly.’

            ‘I secured a venue, the owner was difficult to get around but I was calm and confident. I got it!’ I slowly down my words but the excitement was still present.

            ‘Well done baby, I’m so proud of you. Is it nice there at least?’ Tyler rarely referred to me as ‘baby’, but it only made it all the more special when he did. I noted it was always when I had earned it, or he was in particularly romantic mood.

            ‘Yes Tyler, it’s perfect. You’ll love it.’ My voice had completely slowed down, I had been wooed by his use of the word ‘Baby’. How did he affect me like this?

            ‘That’s perfect. I’m glad to hear you’re doing well.’

            ‘How are things your end Hon? Will you be able to come down?’ I was genuinely interested in how he was finding University life, and anxious to see him.

            ‘Things are fine. I have a few assignments, but I wouldn’t miss your event for the world Ella, you know that.’ Finally, some genuine reassurance that he cared. I reveled in the feeling.

            ‘I know,’ I smiled to myself, ‘I can’t wait to see you again, it’s been too long.’ I paused for a moment, ‘We need to talk more though. I know it’s hard but-‘ I was cut off.

            ‘I know, I’ve just been busy. I have really missed you baby.’ There it was, that word again, I went weak. ‘I promise I’ll try harder to make some time. You’ve been on my mind a lot.’ I smiled to myself again. Things were perfect.

 

            Long after my first experience of erotica, I had almost forgotten the urge to explore and experience, but a new pandemic was about to take the world by storm. The erotic novel; 50 Shades of Grey was released. It hit newspapers, television screens and the once underground scene of erotica was no longer secret. Women everywhere seemed to be carrying discreetly packaged novels on their way to work, their way home and in their beds whilst their partners lay unaware next to the women they loved fulfilling her darkest fantasies in the powerful form of words. When I first heard of the book, my friends had told me they had read exerts including thumb sex (the male protagonist fucking the female with his thumb as opposed to fingers or any other member of his body), bondage and whipping. The book was mocked amongst my friends, and I figured the book was over rated and most of all; laughable. I avoided the book shelf at my local WHSmiths full of the newly respected genre, embarrassed to be curious, or to be found considering the purchase of the book.

            I am a young adult. I am a woman of needs and curiosity. It should not be wrong or strange of me to wish to read the book. It is only a book. I played my thoughts through my head, but my shy, loving, committed persona won. I decided that I was in a fulfilling relationship and did not need to look elsewhere for my enjoyment, even if I was in a long distant relationship. Tyler could turn me on with the anticipation the sound of my ringtone brought. Not to mention I was up to my eyeballs in work, preparing for my event.

The realization hit that I would also be hosting for friends and family at my apartment beforehand. I had to make dinner, accommodate and keep my guests happy. I’d be damned if I was going to give the impression of being incapable and unprepared. Being a confident cook, I knew I could get this well under way. Wine. Wine was needed, but what would people drink. The million types of wine swirled in my head making me dizzy. I would buy a bottle of each, white, rose, and red – perfect. For a simple meal, I remembered back to my mother’s New Years Eve party. A Mexican theme. She aptly prepared a taco bar. Simple. People would prepare their own meals and I would simply have some cooking to do beforehand – Mince, and luckily, I had worked with mince a lot thanks to my love of Spaghetti Bolognese.

I checked with Scott once more. I was being a little over bearing, but I wanted things to be perfect. I wanted nothing more than to prove to everyone that I would be an events organizer, I would complete University, and I would be good- no, great at what I did.

‘Hey Scott! Everything still ok for the 16th?’ I pried for the 3rd time this week.

‘Once again Ella, yes.’ The agitation in his voice was apparent.

‘So everything is fine? No broken bones? No deaths? No instrument troubles?’ The latter being the most important, I knew they could manage minus a band member.

‘Yes Ell- actually, Ella?’ My heart skipped a beat, what could he possibly want to ask me now?

‘Could you check if the venue has a drum kit? Most do, but I thought I better check. We won’t fit a drum kit in the car with all of us and our other instruments.’

‘What?!’ I was so angry. He decided to tell me this now? The date could not be nearing any faster and I would have to approach Andy, the most intimidating man I had ever met.

‘I’m sorry Ella, but don’t worry most venues will have a kit. It’s fairly standard.’ Scott was trying to calm my nerves but it wouldn’t help, plus, I knew he was lying. Why would a bar have a drum kit? My heart started pounding at the thought of having to confront Andy.

‘It’s fine.’ I lied. I hung up the phone and found my shirt. This would do. I stood outside the entrance to Blue examining the building momentarily, trying to calm my thoughts before entering. I couldn’t put this off. It was a crucial part of my event.

‘Andy!’ I smiled and tried to act confident once more.

‘Ella.’ His staccato tone put me in my place, I was working for him now.

‘I have a problem,’ I tried to keep my eyes to his, but failed, ‘My headlining band are missing drums. I was wondering if you perhaps had some here that they could borrow?’ The panic in my voice betrayed me. I almost stuttered but stood my ground, trying to belittle the problem.

‘You are joking with me aren’t you, Ella?’ I could feel his eyes burning into the top of my head as he towered above me. I faced the floor. ‘This is why I don’t work with students. Amateurs! You are no more capable than any of the others. You have disappointed me. Better yet, if this event fails, you’re failing not only the university, but the charity you suppose to fund as well.’ His voice was stern and discerning and I felt the tears welling in my eyes. My greatest fear was feeling inadequate. It was as if Andy had seen through my weaknesses and picked on each one, striking a cord with my inner emotions.

‘I... I…’ I could barely lift my head.

‘You will sort this and you will sort it now, otherwise there will be no event and I will be contacting the University. I am sick of students thinking that they are on top of things and consequently, my business taking the fall. Students will not be allowed to use my venue. This is ridiculous.’ Andy continued his oddly calm and controlled yet debilitating rant. I could not hold back my tears any longer. After all, I was a student, and I had had no training. How could I have thought I would have been up to this? I was going to lose the venue and disappoint my friends and family and only give my Mother the satisfaction of knowing that I would fail.

‘I… I…’ I spluttered out noises that were incoherent. No! I would pull this back, how hard could it be to find a drum kit? I could not fail. I would not give others the satisfaction.

‘Just leave. This is the most unprofessional display I have ever seen.’ Andy was stern once more, stern and uncaring. I left with my tail between my legs and ran home.

I crawled onto my bed, hugged the duvet close to my tear stained face and gave my tears the proper release they needed. Sobbing and spluttering over my pillow. ‘The most unprofessional display’? Tearing up was not exactly professional, but torturing myself about the encounter was not going to help, and it certainly wouldn’t find a drum kit. I heard my phone ring – ‘Your Love is King’ by Sade. It was Tyler. I was in no state to answer, but phone calls from him were few and far between. I answered.

‘Hi Sweetie,’ Tyler greeted me, ‘How is everything going? Event on it’s way?’ Great, exactly what I had hoped to avoid. It always seems that people know when you do not want to be bothered and what you do not want to be bothered about and some force tells them they should.

‘Hey Hon,’ I mustered up some fake happiness and tried to disguise my sobs, ‘Sorry, I have a cold, everything is going fine.’

‘I know when you’re crying Ella. What’s happened?’ Damn it! There was no hiding this and after deciding I would not be able to hide the conflict between Andy and I, I revealed everything.

‘He made you cry?!’ Tyler seemed angry. ‘And then called YOU unprofessional? His shouting and belittling was unprofessional! You should report him. I have a good mind to say something myself.’ Tyler, the ever controlling, ever protective boyfriend. I didn’t ever want him to get involved, this was my event, my project and I wanted to do it alone, and I certainly did not want to worsen situations by having an angry boyfriend show up only to agitate the owner further, but the sentiment cheered me up dramatically. I composed myself.

‘Ha ha, I’m sure I can manage. I am a big girl after all.’ I laughed down the phone. Tyler was perfect, and my smile graced my face again.

‘Obviously not big enough to tell that man where to shove it. You shouldn’t have cried, although it was his fault, you should have been more in control.’ There was my usual Tyler. Stern and discerning much like Andy. My smile dropped.

‘But… I…’ I was back to stuttering.

‘There is no point in worrying about it now. Pick yourself up and find a drum kit. I need this event to happen just as much as you do.’ His words confused me.

‘You do?’

‘Yes, I want to see my successful girlfriend, and I definitely want to attend her amazing event. So that means you have to pull this back in.’ I wondered if phone calls with Tyler would always be this much of a rollercoaster. Still taken back by his digs, I tried to move on.

‘I want to see my... boyfriend’ I teased him.

‘Well, that’s exactly what I am. Yours.’ I swooned again. I found swooning was a common occurrence when Tyler was involved. ‘However, I have work to do, and you have a drum kit to find. Get some sleep. You will focus better in the morning. Good night.’ Tyler left and I felt empty without him, even only the audible essence of him warmed me. The feeling did not last long, Tyler knew me well and knew I would sleep like a baby after having had a good cry. I was out within minutes.

Morning came welcomed. I was ready to start the search. I had a quick shower, found my hair dryer and got dressed. Make-up and hair finished, I grabbed my keys and left. I called my mother and asked her about the lorry she had so generously offered to book. Perhaps this was an option. Apparently, she had spent too much on prizes for the raffle and couldn’t afford a lorry.

‘I thought you had it all sorted out Ella?’ Her words angered me. Obviously I hadn’t now… There was no need to emphasize this. I thought to check the charity stores on the way to the music store – Bonners. There would be no harm in asking. The clerks within Oxfam, and The Mary Jane Trust looked at me gone out. Looking for a drum kit, in a charity store was maybe a little odd.

I finally made my way to Bonners, held my head high, and my fingers crossed I waltzed in with every bit of hope I could muster. The reception desk was tall, reaching above my waist, a dark mahogany wood with a glass top that contrasted.

‘Hi,’ I smiled at the clerk filing away paperwork, ‘I was wondering if you do rentals for drum kits?’

‘Hello there,’ the clerk answered me with a trained response, ‘Yes Ma’am we do, but you have to put down a deposit of £160.’ My mouth dropped open. Charity! This was for charity! It was my best argument.

‘I was wondering if you may make an exception, or discount for a charity event?’ My fingers crossed tighter, the ring Tyler had bought me shifted.

‘I am afraid not, the manager does a lot for charity, but drums are expensive and easily broken, so we need a deposit.’ The clerk acted professional, but his slight smile gave the impression he sympathized with me.

‘No problem.’ I pulled myself together, but this had been my last hope and my worries overcame me. I fleeted the store and lit a cigarette outside. What was I going to do? There was no way I would face the Blue owner again, not without drums. I stood leaning against the brick wall, motionless, when 2 men passed me carrying guitar cases. I am desperate after all…

‘Hello?’ I couldn’t quite believe that I had approached a stranger and so my voice came out in a squeaky croak.

‘Hi…’ One of the men studied me questionably. They were both tall, with dark long hair, and fairly skinny, one only 2 inches taller than the other.

‘Could you possibly help me?’ The taller one examined me further and I hate to think what he must have been thinking by the questionable, hard-to-read expression he was now wearing. I was desperate.

‘I’m organizing a gig for Children in Need, at Blue Bar, but they don’t have drums, and the headlining band can’t bring theirs, and I need to find a drum kit today! I have no idea where I can possibly get one. There’s only one music store and they won’t lend me a kit.’ I had rambled on, once again divulging too much information. Not that the information was important, nor secret, but strangers did not need to be stopped by a desperate young woman in their travels to be told about her problems. Oh god, they’re going to think I’m insane. My eyes pleaded at them.

The shorter one scratched his head as if he were deep in thought. My eyes widened once again staring up at him.

‘Buskers…’ He looked up at his taller friend with a knowing-yet-unsure glance.

‘Ah yes! Buskers, the pub!’ The taller one confirmed his friend’s possible solution, he turned to me, ‘There is a pub a little way down this road to the left, the owner’s name is Jack. Lovely man, he has drums. Maybe he could help you out?’ I wanted to throw my arms around the stranger and hug him tightly, finally optimism and hope returned to my eyes.

‘Really? Thank you so much. You have no idea how much that is helping me. It’s a lead at least-‘ I cut myself off realizing, oh yes, strangers, right.

‘It’s a big purple building you won’t miss it.’ The men walked off coolly.

It didn’t take too long to get to Buskers. There were only a couple of people in the pub, but it was only half 11 in the morning. The pub was well fitted, and decorated. Mahogany tables, once more, I giggled inwardly, and hoped it would not be an omen. Ornate chairs to match. There was a stage in the corner of the pub, easily big enough for a band. The bar was a square, you could approach at any angle. One waitress stood in the square polishing glasses and tumblers. It was homely here, friendly. One man stood to approach the bar.

‘Sheila!’ The man’s outburst suggested he knew the woman, ‘How about another pint dear?’ Men in pubs often put me on edge, they appeared seedy and intimidating, but this man seemed friendly, much like the atmosphere in the pub. He did not scare me, and the waitress put me more at ease with her charming smile, and approachable demeanor. This place was amazing. Hannah and I must come back to here. I shook my head and gathered my thoughts. I was here on ‘business’.

‘Hi there, I’m Ella Grey, I’m organizing an event for charity and I was looking for the owner to discuss something with him.’ The waitress studied me. Had I dressed silly? Or had food on my face or clothing? People seemed to study me cautiously today.

‘Are you planning it here, love?’

‘No, I’m not. It’s being held at Blue bar…’ My voice trailed off. Was I betraying Blue Bar by being here? I didn’t care.

‘Oh, Andy? Are you seeing if you could hold it here instead?’ She smiled.

‘Yes that’s the owner. Is this a common occurrence? Students coming here after dealing with Andy?’ The words were not supposed to escape my mouth but my teeth let them slide. The waitress laughed.

‘You could say that. He’s not the most friendly. Sit down, do you want a drink? Jack should be here soon.’ I decided to decline the drink offer, I did not want to seem unprofessional, and although I had relaxed, this was still business and I still had to act professional. I viewed the scope of the room. It oozed friendliness, and I could not understand how it had made me feel so comfortable. It wasn’t long until Jack walked in. He was not what I had expected. Young. Very young. He looked as if he had barely entered his 20’s, not much older than me, only a couple inches taller than me, he was not the tallest man, but by no means the shortest. Short blonde hair styled around his face, again chiseled much alike Tyler’s. He was attractive, fashionable in jeans and a shirt, relaxed and I began to understand the atmosphere in the pub. I had barely managed to shut my mouth as he approached the table.

‘Sheila tells me you were organizing a charity event for Andy at Blue?’ He laughed, throwing his head back. I was taken back.

‘Erm… yes.’ He composed himself, it looked as if he weren’t sure whether or not he had crossed a line.

‘Yes. How are you finding it there?’ He looked at his hands momentarily and continued, ‘Sorry, I mean how can I help you?’

‘It’s ok,’ I lied, shamelessly ‘I…’ Once again I stuttered, maybe I just was not set out to be professional.

‘He’s hard to deal with, what’s happened?’ For a moment I forgot where I was. I was a woman, and he was a man and in that moment I felt I had known him for years. He was a friend, comforting and protective. I lost my composure.

‘He… He shouted at me. He’s really mean. My headlining band needs drums, and he called me unprofessional.’ I found myself tearing up again, half because of the memory and half because I had once again lost all professionalism.

‘He’s an asshole. Whatever he said, I bet it is not true. What night is your event?’ He touched my shoulder briefly and I melted underneath his hand. This man was a dream.

‘Thank you,’ I tried to regain myself, ‘16th of November’.

‘Let me check my calendar.’ I hadn’t yet even asked for the help I desperately required, what was he doing? He left and picked out a massive black organizer, and started trailing the pages with his fingers.

‘16th of November? A Friday, yes?’

‘Yes.’ I stared at him contently.

‘The stage here is free until 10pm. How about you tell that Andy where to shove his mouth? Around my dick! You can hold the event here. I have a drum kit, and I’m sure you’ll do great.’ Jack was amazing, friendly, attractive, and not to mention he had memorized every punters name, he was endearing, and his smile… that smile…

‘Really?’ I was taken back, ‘I don’t know how to thank you enough.’

‘Get some posters together and we’ll put them up. Oh, and what charity is this for?’ Jack had suddenly realized what he had got himself into.

‘Children in Need, and of course I already have them printed out.’ I motioned to my bag and pulled out the posters I had pulled together in the early hours of the morning, not a few days back.

‘See? Perfect.’ Jack shook my hand, firm and strong. I had wanted to leap onto his perfectly toned looking body and kiss him repeatedly. The only wall to tear down now; Andy. I would have to tell him I had ‘gone elsewhere’.

I called Tyler.

‘Whose unprofessional?’ I teased Tyler.

‘What have you done then?’ He answered with the half sigh he did when he was awaiting news to prove him wrong.

‘I have a new venue. This one… makes the other look like a prison cell.’ I was being honest, ‘The owner is lovely, he has a drum kit and posters just need a new venue name and to be printed, I’m taking them up tomorrow.’

‘I’m happy to hear. So, I should be seeing my amazing girlfriend this weekend then?’

‘You will? Damn, I thought you were going to see me.’ My joking confirmed to Tyler that I was happy with my decision.

‘Well, I might be able to fit you in.’ Tyler giggled. Oh God, I missed that laugh, but Tyler and his laugh would be here soon.

 

My thoughts fleeted to literature. It had been a while since I read a new book. I owed it to myself to buy the new erotica. No! Rational Ella kicked in and told herself that ‘You do not have time, the date is approaching hard and fast’. Immature Ella giggled to herself and the thought of hard and fast. The weeks of meeting Hannah on the corner for lecture trips and weeknight searching for anything necessary, valuable or purely decorative for the event flew past me. The night drew close, 16th November. The date had been etched into my conscious.

Food shopping was to be delivered at 4pm. I thought to call everyone and triple check my double checking that they were to arrive on time – 5pm. The event started at 7pm, this gave us time to enjoy the taco bar I would set out and arrive at the venue on time for checks.

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