Falling Feathers

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  • Published: 24 Aug 2013
  • Updated: 25 Aug 2013
  • Status: Complete
Raven Gray. Broken. Unnoticed. Wistful. One Direction were her idols. She looked up to them. She loved them. She dreamed of meeting them. What happens when she does? Will something happen that will just tip her over the edge?


4. Worrying Week


As the week progressed on, I could barely concentrate on anything. I passed through the school days like a zombie. Everything was a blur. After every English class I had, Mr Vago kept on asking me if I was okay. I don’t really remember my reply, or if I even replied at all. I was so worried about meeting my idols and if they were going to be as amazing as I had always believed them to be or if they were going to be completely different. I worried about what they would think about me, if they would judge me on my appearance or how I behaved. I was afraid of doing or saying something embarrassing. I was afraid of the whole thing. I was considering not going but I knew that I would hate myself forever if I didn’t.

By Thursday, I could hardly speak, eat or do anything but schoolwork. It was lunch time and I was sitting under my tree with an apple in my hand, staring off into space when a body plopped down in front of me. I pulled my gaze away from nothing to see who this newcomer was. No one ever sat with me at lunch. It was Brandon. “Hey Raven,” he said brightly. I blinked in surprise and said nothing. “You okay? You seem kind of spaced out this week.” He said. I sighed. “Yeah, I’m fine.” I mumbled in reply. “No you’re not.” He retorted. “You’ve barely said anything, you’ve barely ate anything, you seem oblivious to everything going on around you and you have a worried expression on your face 24/7. What’s going on?” I recoiled slightly, I had no idea he even noticed me at all.

 I ended up telling him everything. And when I say everything, I mean everything. Once I started I just couldn’t stop! It was like I had no control over what came pouring out of my mouth. I started off just by telling him I had no family left so I lived alone in an apartment block. But then the whole enchilada came out. About my depression, suicidal thoughts, how I won the One Direction lunch, how I was worried about them being different, how I was worried about them not liking me, judging me. Brandon just sat there silently, listening intently to the whole thing. I had just finished when the bell rang. He stood up and offered me his hand. “I’m glad you told me all that. Friends?” he asked. I was dumbfounded. He actually wanted to be my friend after all I had told him? Wow. “Friends.” I agreed and took his hand. He pulled me to his feet and we walked off to class together, chatting about random things. I seemed to forget my worries I felt light and happy, even if it was only momentary.

Friday dawned cold and gloomy. It was raining intensely outside and the windows were rattling in the wind. Oh joy, another thing to worry about for tomorrow: the weather. Not to mention how I was going to get to school. I had taken my car to the mechanics on Tuesday and it wouldn’t be back until Sunday. There was no way I would be able to walk in this weather. With a huff, I showered and dressed warmly in a really big, fluffy, cream jumper, brown scarf, skinny jeans, boots and a cute cream beanie. I was about to grab my stuff and brave the weather with an umbrella when there was a knock on the door. Hesitant to open it, I slowly moved toward it before swinging open the door abruptly. Brandon stumbled backwards into my apartment. “Oh, I-I’m so sorry,” I babbled “I didn’t know who it was.” I helped him up. “Naw sorry, it was my fault. I was leaning against the door.” He brushed my apology off, running a hand though his hair. “I just thought you might want a lift to school, what with the weather and all.” He said sheepishly. “That’d be great thanks. I’ll just grab my stuff.” I thanked him.

The drive to school was filled with comfortable small talk, nothing too serious. It helped me take my mind off tomorrow. Before we got to class, we exchanged numbers. He smiled warmly before heading off to his own class. As soon as he was gone, the smile fell from my face and I began to panic. It was tomorrow. TOMORROW! Tomorrow I would be going to lunch with Harry, Liam, Louis, Niall and Zayn, the most famous boy band in the world. What if it was too cold to wear my new outfit? I just prayed that it would be better tomorrow.  I stumbled into my seat and laid my head on the desk. I must’ve fallen asleep when the snap of a ruler a few centimetres from my nose jolted me up again. “Ms Gray! Are we boring you?” my old, unpleasant and callous math teacher, Miss Mildred, barked crossly. I looked down at my desk, drawing invisible patterns on it. “N-no Miss,” I muttered shakily. “DETENTION!” she snarled as she gave me the slip of paper. I sighed and took it. Thank god it was this afternoon and not tomorrow.      

As I walked into the detention room that afternoon, I noticed that there was nobody else there except me and the teacher on duty….Mr Vago! Oh god. I thought to myself. “Raven, I didn’t expect to see you here.” He said softly. He was nice, really. I just couldn’t risk him finding out about me. He might try to get me to see a psychiatrist or a shrink or something. I mumbled something inaudible and flopped onto a seat. Mr Vago looked at me strangely before continuing with his own work. I took out my sketchbook and began to draw. Drawing was like a release valve for all my emotions. Everything just poured out onto the page and I was sucked into my own little world. I never really thought about what I was going to draw, my hands just moved with what I was feeling inside.

 I heard someone clearing their throat behind me. I looked up at the clock. 4:30 already, I could go home now. I turned to see Mr Vago looking over my shoulder at my drawing. For the first time, my mind comprehended what I had drawn: a girl standing next to a tree, with a rope tied in a noose in her hands. Oh no. My suicidal thought must have come through. I quickly tore out the page and scrunched it up. I grabbed my bag and ran out of the classroom. I ran through the rain and wind all the way home. Tears began streaming down my face, creating black lines down my face as it tracked through my mascara.

Slamming the door shut behind me, I slid down it and began to cry as a clap of thunder sounded accompanied by a flash of lightning. I cried and cried until I had no tears left. Stupid depression. I staggered to my feet and made my way to the bathroom. After brushing my teeth, taking out my hair and washing my face. I pulled on my pyjamas and fell asleep.

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