Falling Feathers

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  • Published: 24 Aug 2013
  • Updated: 25 Aug 2013
  • Status: Complete
Raven Gray. Broken. Unnoticed. Wistful. One Direction were her idols. She looked up to them. She loved them. She dreamed of meeting them. What happens when she does? Will something happen that will just tip her over the edge?

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7. Goodbye Cruel World

Pain. Pain was all I could think about. Emotional and physical. My heels were giving me blisters and I quickly stopped to rip them off and throw them across the street. I ran blindly, tears blurring the world around me. My feet were being torn to shreds by the bitumen and rocks I was running on. My dress and hair billowed out behind me. Words and memories flashed across my mind. Fat bitch. So I starved myself. Skinny bitch. So I cut myself. Worthless whore. Stupid slut. So I became depressed and shut out the world. Flashbacks of my dad beating me and yelling hurtful things at me when I was young filled my mind. Distorted images of what I had done tore through my thoughts. Cold. Hard. Shiny. Metal. Gun. Trigger. Blood blossoming on his forehead. I cried out as I stumbled and fell, wounding my hands on some broken glass. But I staggered to my feet and kept on running. This was it. I had finally broken. I thought about my entire life up to this point. All the terrible things I had done. My mother was a drug addict and eventually died from an overdose. My father was an alcoholic and beat me senseless every day. I murdered him. I picked up his gun and shot him in the forehead. I sunk into depression. I cut. I starved myself. I shut the world out. I’m scared of happiness, it always leaves. I’m scared of loving people. They always vanish. I noticed that the things that unravel a smile across my lips always fade away. Sadness is like my best friend. I fathom that the deadliest things in life are permanent; they never leave, or vanish, but the things that unravel a smile across my lips always leave.  I kept on running. My legs numb, my mind numb, my face numb. Mascara kept on running down my face as I slowed down. My tears didn't slow though. If anything, they flowed more freely. My body wracked with sobs and I wrapped my arms tightly around myself. I heard some shouts in the distance which spurred me to run even faster than before. I must have been running for miles. I couldn’t breathe. I felt worse than death. Between crying and running, I was exhausted. I stumbled between the trees of the small forest I had entered I while back. I lurched forward into a clearing and saw a large tree with a makeshift rope swing tied to a branch.

Death. That was it. That was the answer to everything. I needed to escape. I couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t live like this anymore. I reached up and untied the rope from the swing. Clambering up onto a boulder so I could reach the branch more easily, I began to tie the well-practiced noose. Words flashed through my mind again. Ugly, bitch, fat, skinny, anorexic, depressed, cutter, suicidal, freak, psycho, weirdo, slut, whore, no one will ever love you. Sobbing, I reached up and tied the other end of the rope to the ranch above me. I heard shouts and heavy footsteps. The boys have found me. I needed to hurry. I had to do this. They couldn’t stop me. Not now, not when I’d gotten this far. With tears silently streaming down my face, I positioned the noose around my neck. “Goodbye cruel world.” I whispered to myself. I heard the boys stumble into the clearing and upon sighting me, they began screaming at me not to do it. But I didn't listen. With one last deep breath, I jumped. 

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