Shadow of anxiety

Somewhat a description of an anxiety attack.

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1. Shadow of anxiety

Fine
Everything's fine
Talking
Laughing
Having fun
Nothing to worry about
Not on the surface 

But in the shadow
In that one corner
I can see it waiting
I swallow hard
Laugh a little louder
Ignoring the change
From truth
To facade

Breathe in
Breathe out
Walls moving in
How do I get out

No escape
Okay, I can do it
Hold it back
Just a little while

Act normal
Everything is fine
What is normal
How do I act it

Nails deep in my palms
Teeth closesly locked
Eyes can't focus
How do you breathe

Why are they looking at me
Are they looking at me
Why are they so many
Can't they leave me alone

This room is getting smaller
I swear the walls are moving
I can't breathe
Someone get me out

The shadow getting closer
Readying for the final attack
I can't do this
Where's the exit

Excuse me please
Need to use the restroom
My longest steps
Where's the door

Just inside
Closing, locking, sliding down
Finally alone
More or less

The shadow attacks
Covering my curled up body
There's no fighting it
No chance of winning

Throat is tight
Hands pulling hair
Mouth wide open
No air to scream

With no control to take
I let everything go
Surrender my entire self
Open my every door

Wrapped up in darkness
Strangely comfortable
Here I am pure
This is who I am

Don't know for how long
Time does not exist
Yet still it's ticking
Covered in shadow

The shadow is filling up
I'm slowly regaining control
Start breathing 
Close my mouth
Relax my hands
Brows still frowning
When after some time
I find strength to stand up

Looking for myself in the mirror
But seeing only a stranger
Our eyes meet and agree
We are alone together in this
We look for the shadow
It's back in its corner
I can only hope
It's had enough for this time

Carefully back outside
They hardly noticed
Put on a smile
Make a joke
They have no idea
I glace to the corner
A fat shadow grinning
Grind my teeth and look away

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