When We Run

Your life can change in a heartbeat.
I walked downstairs and when I came back, everyone was dead and everything was over. But I survived and I ran.

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27. 27.

I lie in bed, wide awake while Evan sleeps. This entire time, while everything's been happening, I've been wondering why, but I haven't even tried to think of an answer.

I know exactly why.

It's because I've been so caught up with Evan. It's not his fault, of course, but it's true. He's constantly been on my mind and I know I could just think things through about what's happening with the bombs if I just had a minute where I wasn't thinking about him, but I see him all day every day, it's impossible not to think about him.

It's then that I get my priorities straight and make the hardest decision of my life.

"Hey." Evan mumbles sleepily as he wakes up beside me. "Why are you awake?"

"I don't know." I say. I know my voice must sound odd and I know he can tell.

"Hey, are you okay?" he asks, leaning in to kiss me.

I almost kiss him. All I want to do is just fall asleep and stay here with him and Sam and my mom and Jane and forget I ever considered leaving, but I know that it will just keep bothering me if I stay. I know I have to go.

"I'm sorry." I mutter, getting up and going to the other side of the room. He follows me and tries to come close, but I rest my hands on his chest, keeping him away.

"What's going on?" he frowns, nervous.

"I... uh..." I sigh and look him in the eye. "You know when I freaked out about you trying to forget about us?"

"Yeah."

"You were probably right."

He raises his eyebrows. "What?"

I sigh, frustrated. This is hard. "Look, there is something huge going on right now and it's up to us to figure it out-"

"No it's not-"

"Yes it is." I say, firmly. "And I know I could probably make some progress if I was inside my own head, but I'm not inside my own head, I'm inside yours so I think it's best if we both just forget anything ever happened."

Everything came out in a rush and for a moment we're both just silent. In that moment, I watch Evan's face slowly turn from shocked to sad to betrayed to angry and then to a mixture of all four as he pushes away from me and shakes his head, grimly.

"Wow now I know why you were so pissed off." he says not meeting my eye. 

"It's different! I didn't know this had to happen-"

"Wow, this is rich." he laughs bitterly, finally meeting my eye. "I try to forget about us for a good reason and you just make me feel guilty until I give in and then as soon as you feel like it, you do the same?"

"Ev-"

"What do you plan on doing to avoid me then?!" he demands.

"I'm leaving!" I shout back. "Okay? Is that what you wanted to hear?"

His face drops completely, shocked. "No you're not."

"Yes I am." I say.

"By yourself?" he questions.

"Yes! Is that okay with you?" my voice begins to raise again.

"Are you stupid?!" he yells. "There is no way that is happening!"

"It's not up to you!" I shout. "That's exactly my point! Why do you even care? You obviously hate me now!"

He groans frustrated. "You're so oblivious at times!" he shouts."The problem isn't that I hate you! The problem is that I love you but you are leaving so easily so you obviously don't feel the same-"

"It doesn't matter if I feel the same or not! What we feel doesn't matter anymore, that's what I'm trying to say! That's why I'm leaving!" I shout and storm out of the room, slamming the door behind me.

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