Dear Diary - Harry Styles -

My scars aren't visible to human eye. It's something only I can see. My battles aren't with people around me, but within me as we speak. Insecurities thrashing and whipping me left and right. Someone save me - Destinee Greene

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6. Chapter 5: Desperation

ENTRY 8:

 

Dear Diary,

 

I've never been that person who knew much about anything. Many people believed I knew quite a bit for a teenage girl, but I don't know much at all. Throughout my life, it has come to my attention that I'm not the only one who doesn't know all that much either. I'm not trying to be rude, but I'm trying to find something that makes me normal. It may sound strange that I'm looking for something that would make me into a normal person, because I look normal; do I not?

 

Although, average girls at the teen age seem to be skinny, full of life, love-crazed, and not very self conscious. I'm far from that description; I'm not skinny or full of life, nor am I love-crazed. I find love a quite stupid idea, imagine a boy loving a girl like me; he must be on some sort of medication of some sort. I doubt that you have failed to realize my low self-esteem towards almost everything about me, if you have, Diary, I believe you must be quite the oblivious pile of pages.

 

Do you think it's worth beating myself up, just to be a semi-normal girl? I think it's worth it, even though many a times I find myself despising every detail on my body, I can't stop. My self-esteem was torn down so long ago, it's hard to even have the tiniest bit of love towards myself.

 

I hate myself, Diary. And I can't stop my hatred no matter what I do.

 

Sincerely,

 

Destinee

 

**********

 

The words tugged at Harry's heart; he had met this girl only two hours ago and here he is reading into her mind once again. The idea was starting to sicken him, but just like her self-loathing, he just couldn't stop. Harry wanted to know what this girl was thinking so he would know what to say, he needed to know what he must say. Otherwise, he may something to make her self-esteem lower further, and Harry couldn't bear the thought of even thinking of such a thing.

 

Destinee, Destinee, Destinee; her name repeatedly came to his mind. She was almost all Harry could think about, and it was starting to become a big deal for him. He couldn't eat without wondering if Des was off eating too, he couldn't sleep without asking himself if maybe she were too, he couldn't live without thinking to himself 'I wonder if she is living too.' 

 

One question had been answered as he had walked into the small shop earlier that day. She was indeed living, and hopefully her world was brighter now that Harry would be a part of it. Though, she may be hesitant about him, he would still be there. For all Harry cared, she could want him to be dead but he'd still want her to be happy. For once, Harry didn't care what this girl thought of him; he wanted her to be happy, living, and smiling no matter what it took.

 

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This was extremely short and extremely bad. Massive apology to you guys.

 

- Melody xx

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