Dear Diary - Harry Styles -

My scars aren't visible to human eye. It's something only I can see. My battles aren't with people around me, but within me as we speak. Insecurities thrashing and whipping me left and right. Someone save me - Destinee Greene

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3. Chapter 2: Infinite

ENTRY 4: 

Dear Diary, 

Maybe it's just me, or maybe it's many people. But, I suddenly feel overwhelmed. I feel as if all I can do to please the people surrounding my own atmosphere is to do well in school. But, my dreams don't involve these so called, "good grades" that I achieve regularly. 

My goals and dreams are two different things, but they link to each other with a small fact. Of course, my life and education matter immensely to my needs and future. Then again, my future is important as well as it is distant. Maybe a little less distant than my mind cogitates, but, it's closer now than it was ever before. 

I truly don't know what to do anymore. My heart tells me to act fast and work towards my dreams. But, I feel as if I was betraying my family and professors if I were to stray from furthering my intelligence and ability to write. Or so my brain tells me. 

Music, the only thing that truly holds me back from writing, and holds me together all the same. It holds me onto life with the barely noticeable string. A string that isn't even apparent for the naked eye. You might as well take a microscope and place it on it's side. Somehow, this thin string holds me up like an arm grasping my own for the sake of my unimportant life. 

But, if only it was an arm. Not a detached, amputated arm. An arm of a loved one, the one who I am supposed to spend my life with. How silly of me, who would want a girl who doesn't even truly desire to have herself. My desire is for love, when I can't even love myself. My insecurities bombard me and constantly build the barricade higher, separating me from happiness. 

My weight bothers me, I would never fit in with a weight of 137 pounds. My height bothers me, it's far too average for a girl my age. The dimples on my cheeks irk me, I never know if they are from my awfully chubby cheeks, or if it's naturally always going to be there. My thighs, oh god my thighs, I have no thigh gap and it is simply outrageous! Everything, that's what bothers me, everything. 

Of course, some people look good with dimples, like that curly haired fellow from "One Direction". But, him... he is far too gorgeous already. He's skinny and has a thigh gap, unlike my poor insecure body. The family he has supports him in a way my family would never think about. Maybe it's jealousy. Or envy that I have towards him. 

I want nothing more than a loving family who would support my real dream instead of having goals that are divergent to mine. Would it ever be too much to ask? Maybe even if it wasn't my family. Let it be a comforting arm of a real friend, or a boy that's passed the barrier between friendship and a real touchy-feely relationship. 

Oh, how I long to have an arm around me, or a hand grasping mine. The warmth that transfers from his body to my slightly shaking one. The love shared in a simple peck on the lips. How I long to have even the slightest form of love shown to me. Just a little bit of interest. 

How I long to have his arm around me. But, he's famous. What would a famous boy who could pick from so many various girls, want with me? Why would he want to love a girl who doesn't even have the heart or strength to accept herself, let alone love herself? Now, it's nothing but a fairy tale. 

Sincerely, 

Destinee 

**** 

Her longing for him grew, Harry could tell. She had so desperately wanted his bulkier arm around her own. "What if" he thought to himself. What if he were to say that he wanted to have his arm around her shoulder blades. That he wanted his long fingers intertwined with her shorter ones. He wanted to rest next to her when he was tired, and he wanted to kiss her luscious lips that he had dreamed so hard about. Harry wanted to do more than kiss her lips, he wanted to plant kisses along her fragile body hoping to make her feel the passion and affection he felt for her. He wantedher as much as she him. 

With just reading entries, these were his feelings. He wanted to give her what she longed to have. To see that smile on her face would send him into a mad man grin. Feeling her body press to his when they embraced each other in a bear hug, it was something that sent him over the edge. 

What about... that. Doing such a task would be risky to him if they did. He would push all his love into his efforts and make her feel a way she had never experienced before. 

Love. 

That's the word that can express the inexpressible feelings that overwhelmed his heart and mind. He got the jitters just thinking about loving this fragile minded human being. 

Had he gone ill? Was he day dreaming? Why was he acting like this? 

Love. 

Love always prevails and will always dispose of the thoughts that crowded both his and her minds. It was something she and he both longed for with such a great desire. 

Harry wanted to make the love he dreamed of abundant and never ending. 

In fact, he wanted to make it infinite

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