Like an illusion

Like an illusion (intro)
Intro: You're a 18 years Justin bieber's fan . You graduated from high school 2months ago. You're originally canadian but you live in California. You don't have any friends and cody ,your cousin, is the closest person to you. He's your age and you've been best friends since you were in diapers. He has a crush on you but he's never told u. You think of him as a friend and nothing more.You're suffering from a rare psychological disease . You have illusions from time to time depending on your mood. And it's always related to tour thoughts and feelings. Once you have an illusion You forget about everything around you and just live in the illusion like if it's reality.


18. This shouldn't have happened


      The next morning you woke up , the memories from yesterday flashed back, you smiled at how your day was great . You walked to bathroom , did your usual , pee , shower and brush your teeth then you went back to your room. 

You looked at your phone and when u were about to enter your password to open it , a great urge rose up inside you making you throw your phone to bed . You walked over to your closet and quickly changed your clothes. 

You missed the kids so much and you wanted visit them plus u couldn't break your promise that wouldn't make you a good role model. 

You stopped for a moment and thought about taking your doctor's permission but then you didn't feel like wanting to do it . You were ready and you walked outta your room down the hallways making your way to their section. 

"Morning miss *YN*" the nurse greeted you as you entered the section. "Morning" you greeted her and flashed a light smile. She walked with you to the playing room. When she was about to open the door, you held her hand that was laying on the doorknob and said, "i'll take it from here .. Thank you". She smiled at you and gave you a no-problem look . 

"Anyone missed me?!" You half-yelled as you stepped inside the room. They all ran to you and embraced you with hugs and kisses. 


You played and had so much fun but it didn't last long . The fun just lasted for about 3 hours , then u had an illusion. Once you have one , you get kinda separated from reality so u weren't aware of your actions and sayings. 


The kids noticed and they kept calling your name an shaking you. That's when the nurse heard them and came to see if there's something wrong ...


She told the kids that you were tired and you were going to take a nap before she took out. she closed the door behind her , leaving the little kids who have just seen something that they have never seen before. 


She immediately took you back to your room and laid you down on your bed. 

She went to inform your doctor about it and no doubt he was quiet upset about it. 



*next morning* 

"Morning princess" you heard a familiar voice from the side of Your bed . You opened your eyes but you quickly closed them back again from the bright sunshine coming from the window. 

You opened your eyes again but this time you opened them slowly , you glanced at cody. 

"Morning boo" you said flashing him a smile. 


"Do u remember anything from yesterday?" Cody said as he digged into his breakfast. 

"Mmm i just remember playing with the kids and having so much fun with them" 

You said innocently as you stuffed a little piece of bread into your mouth. 

"Well ... Umm" he stammered looking at his plate avoiding eye contact. 

"Yeah??" You said confused. 

"You had an illusion and .. They told the kids that you were tired and they brought you to your room actually she did , the nurse i mean .. Then she told your doctor about it and he was upset ... I don't think he'll let you go there again" cody sighed at the last part. 

"Fuck" you cursed. 

You stayed silent for a while , holding tears from falling. 

Finally a tear fell down upon your cheek followed by many others. Cody cupped your cheek with his hand and wiped your tears with his thumb not saying a word. 


"I'm a fuckin loser , i can't control my fuckin illusions , i'm never normal , i'm worthless , what do i do anyway ? Nothing . I'm no use in this world , if i can't do the simplest things like making kids happy, why am i still alive then. I hate this life , no , i actually hate myself cuz there's nothing wrong with life .. It's me .. I'm the wrong one" you said as your tears streamed down you face. 


Cody tried his best to calm you down , he succeeded in stopping your crying but he didn't realize that you were crying from the inside. 


Your insecurities rose up and you started feeling this terrible feeling about yourself again , you remember the last time you felt like this was when your ex ditched you. 


You had a depression ... An intense one this time . 




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