Like an illusion

Like an illusion (intro)
Intro: You're a 18 years Justin bieber's fan . You graduated from high school 2months ago. You're originally canadian but you live in California. You don't have any friends and cody ,your cousin, is the closest person to you. He's your age and you've been best friends since you were in diapers. He has a crush on you but he's never told u. You think of him as a friend and nothing more.You're suffering from a rare psychological disease . You have illusions from time to time depending on your mood. And it's always related to tour thoughts and feelings. Once you have an illusion You forget about everything around you and just live in the illusion like if it's reality.


22. I can't handle it

Your pov :

"There's something you need to know" cody said and i could tell he was nervous. "Yeah?" I said gesturing him to speak as i started getting worried. 

"Your mom" he said and stopped. "What's wrong with my mom?" I asked really worried and curious. 

"I'm sorry .... She's ... Uhm -" he said and looked down at his feet. I interrupted him and said ,"no no no don't say she's gone" . He sadly nodded. At that moment i was shocked and i was trying to deny it all. My eyes watered and tears streamed down my face. 

Even tho she has never been the perfect mom any daughter would ask for, she was still my mom and i surely didn't want to lose her. 

This was so hard for me to handle especially at that time , i sat on my bed and i buried my head in between my knees. I cried my eyeballs out. 

I felt like i had no one left for me except for cody. I wanted to die so much so i could be with her. Life seemed black and dull without her. 

Cody slept over that night , he slept beside me. He held me tight and i tucked into his chest and kept crying. He didn't say anything , he just played with my hair and rubbed my back softly. 

But this didn't make me feel any better tho ... 


That night was probably the worst night in my life. Now i was a girl with no parents. An orphan. I know you might say that i still have my dad alive but no .. For me , he's dead since the moment he stepped into jail. 

(End of pov)


*Next Morning* 

Last night you fell asleep crying so when you woke up you had puffy red eyes. 

You glanced at cody who was talking on his mobile and didn't notice you woke up. 

You went to the bathroom , did your usual . You tried to do anything for your puffy eyes but nothing worked so you gave up and went out. 

"Morning YN" cody said when u got out of the bathroom. "Morning" you mumbled as you were too sad to even speak properly. 

"Go get dressed" he demanded. You shoot him a confused look. "Kathy's funeral" he sighed in sadness. You sighed and walked to your wardrobe. 

You picked a black dress and black sandals. You took them to the bathroom and put them on. 

You tied your hair in a ponytail and put some make up to cover your puffy eyes. 

You went out of the bathroom and walked with cody outta the hospital and into his car. 


The whole ride was silent , neither you nor cody has said any word. Tears hadn't stopped falling from your eyes thro the whole funeral. 

Watching your mom being covered with sand is something hard. Knowing that you'll never be able to see her , talk to her , hug her or do anything with her ever again is pretty harder. 

After everyone was gone , you asked cody to leave you alone for a while , he nodded and walked away. He went to sit in his car waiting for you. 

You sat on your knees in front of her grave. You put flowers in front of it .

"Mom i know you can't hear me anymore but .. Mom i've never had the chance to say goodbye , i don't know how am i gonna live without you , i know you've never been here for me but the thought of you being alive was making me feel safe , i was sure that i had someone for me , but now .. I am all alone without you .. I'm sorry mom , i'm sorry if i've ever done anything that had annoyed you , i'm sorry if i haven't been the perfect daughter any mom would ask for , i'm sorry if i haven't made you proud of me , i'm sorry that i haven't said that earlier , you know mom i really miss you , i miss you so much , you know when was the last time i hugged you ? Kissed you ? It was long time ago . And now .. Now , i'll never be able to feel your touch , your hug , your kiss . It hurts, mom , it really hurts. I really hope you'd forgive me for everything wrong i've done. I love you mom !!" You were now crying harder than ever. You waited a minute till you calmed down a bit then you wiped your tears and got up off the ground. 

You walked back to cody's car and sat in the passenger seat. 

"Everything is gonna be alright YN" cody said and rubbed your thigh. You just nodded. 


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