Something

About self critizism and wanting to be something more. About confusion and comparison to others.

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1. Something

I'm fine
I'm great
I'm better than anyone could ever dream of
But I'm not happy
I should be happy
I want to be happy
But I can't feel it
Maybe I'm spoiled
Weak
Or crazy
I must be crazy
Not to be happy
I know people
with reasons not to be happy
But still are
Or try to be
But me
I just want more
I'm not satisfied
I'm restless
Something's missing
Like a fat lion
I'm hungry
But I just ate
When I'm eating
I'm at peace
But just for a moment
Then I want more
I've got to hunt again
Find something new
Something to fill me up
Just for a moment
Before I go out again
I can't find peace
I am fat
But I want to be fatter
Bigger
GREATER
I want to be gigantic
I want to be SOMETHING
I am nothing
Nothing who gets it all
Like a black hole
Swallowing it all
But remains empty
And black
And nothing
Because it's fake
Everything is fake
I need something real
Something true
Not just empty words
And disugising smiles
False promises
Shallow friendships
Wrapped love
I need an anchor
Something to stand for
Something to stand on
I want to be the hero of my fairytale
Not just a sidekick
Feeling bad for herself
I'm the extra
Desperately wishing to be seen
I'm the runner
Hoping for a bigger role
I want to be the star
I want to be the prince on he white horse
I want to say the last line
I want to reveal the punchline of the joke
Yeepee Caree-yay, motherfucker!
Walk away from an exploding building
Roll over and shoot the villain
Decapitate the monster
With my star dust sword
Kiss the princess
Live happily ever after
But even then 
Am I not happy
I'm only full for a shot time
Then I've got to get out there again
The princess' got to wait
She's boring
There's more villains to be shot
More monsters to be chopped
More to see
Finally I am something
I'm the hero
Loved by all
But I don't care
I do it because it's right
It's my destiny
But it's not me
I'm still the extra walking unseen in the streets
While everyone else's
Eating and eating
Filling up
I'm walking here
Seeing them feast
And I'm hungry
I don't want to see them
It's not enough to watch them
I want to BE them
I want to be full
I want to be something
I don't know how
I don't know what 
But I want to be SOMETHING. 

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