More than What

Written for the More than this competition

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1. My Crying Shame

Jack looked up at me...He stared at me then he opened his mouth and spoke.

"I know how you feel" he mumbled

"No you don't" I replied softly "But thanks for pretending you do" he nodded in agreement. Even though he was his brother he felt different to how I felt. He looked around the pristinely white ER room taking in all of the posters, with various helplines for various diseases.

"Everything's going to be fine" He said putting his hand on my knee. I stared at it and he retracted it as if I'd burnt it.

"Thanks for lying" I said smiling sarcastically.

"El" He began

"Stop. Please, There isn't any point in lying to me."

"I'm sorry"

"No I'm sorry. He's dead. I just know I can feel it" I said closing my eyes

"That's my brother you're talking about. He's going to be fine!"

"Did you tell him that?"

"Yeah?"

"Never lie to a wounded man" I said smiling at him

"I thought it was never lie to a dying man"

"That too. What am I going to do if he dies?"

"Go on with your life as normal. You always seem to do that when your best friend dies"

"What are you going to do?" I asked him. James was Jack's twin he was going to feel upset too.

"I don't know. Feel sad. Cry. How come you never cry?"

"I don't know." And I didn't.

Four of my friends had died. And each time I had felt sad for a month but then got on with my life. It's always been like that. I've never cried when someone died. I've never cried full stop.

When I was little and my brother died, he told me not to cry because it wasn't going to bring him back. And he was right.

I took Jack's hand in mine and he smiled gently at me.

Just then a nurse in green scrubs came out of the operating room. She walked over to me and Jack and smiled sweetly. 'this was it' I thought to myself...everything is over.

"Hi are you Eleanor Bekett?" The woman asked me. I nodded my head and she smiled sweetly except she didn't her face was expressionless I just imagined she smiled to try and make myself feel better.

"I'm Dr Harris. I'm afraid it's bad news. Mr Robinson has unfortunately died" Jack squeezed my hand and I looked at him and I saw that he was crying, my insides burnt up but I didn't cry.

"I'm very sorry for your loss" she said, then she walked away.

Jack tugged on my hand for me to stand, then we went home. There wasn't any point in me staying anymore it was over.

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