Dumb Fanfiction Moments

Just doing some dumb fanfic moments. Please don't take these offensive! thank you!



Most of this is about one direction because most of those fanfics are crazy! Don't get mad or offended about these! This is suppose to be a laugh. HA! thanks! completed!

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5. 61-100

61:          

I am 4000% done with one direction fanfics. Here’s how they all go (unless it’s ziam or Larry or other shipments)

I went 2 starbux and wen I got der I met heiry stiles. He sed hey bb and we fel in luff.

He sed he luffed me and I said I luff u 2 heiry. I went on toor wit heiry and Lewis sed “want a cerret?” Neil wuz eatin nandos, liem wuz watchin toy storey, and zen was lookin in da mirror cuz he da Bradford bad boi and he also vein.

Heiry wuz wit liem, zen, Lewis, n Neil so I go to da bathroom and I cutz my wrist once. Heiry come in n says bb u r pref, don’t cut ur bootyful body. An I nver cut agin.

Than I woke up the mornin and sey “heiry bb I think I be preg” n he sed “yey! I’m so heppy bb”

Two days l8ter I giv birth 2 are daughter Darcy. Lewis sed “Darcy u luk jus like ur dad heiry” then he ate a cerret.

My sis got cancer but Lewis wuz in luff wit her n she deid n Lewis sed I don’t want 2 liv without ur sistur. N Lewis deid. Heiry cried bc Lewis wuz his bffl.

Than a hobo tryed to kidnap me n liem hit him wit a spoon den u realized liem is ma tru luff b we got married n Darcy grew up n we all lives happily ever after n got starbux. Da end          

62: When they have sex, and it says “I let my juices out inside of them” or something like that.

Like, do they know she gon’ get preggers? Or were they planning to do much more afterwards in the future, like have kids? Or has she been taking birth control way long ago and then planned to spontaneously have sex?

Or do they think it just disappears?

The world may never know.

63: "His tongue slipped past my lips and our tongues wrestled." What. The. Fuck.

64:

When the five friends of girls get together with all five of the boys of One Direction.

Because that’s how real life works. k.

65: You know more about the character’s outfit than the actual character.
-i don’t even know your name but atleast I know the various shades of maybelline eyeshadow on your face.

66:  The character and the band first meet at Starbucks.
-just close out now. In case you were wondering, no, its not going to get any better.-

67: The character cuts, or thinks she is fat.
-THESE ARE REAL FUCKING PROBLEMS NOT A WAY TO GET A GUY TO CUDDLE WITH YOU AND TELL YOU HOW GORGEOUS YOU ARE.-

68:School? What school?
-no. just no fucking no. we gotta endure it Kate Moss 2.0 here has to go too.-

69:  She has no job, but her flat costs more than your hometown.
-EVEN IF SHE’S A FUCKING HOLLISTER MODEL AT LEAST WE KNOW WHERE ALL THIS CASH IS COMING FROM.-

70: The character does not recognize 1/5th of the most famous boyband in the world that she has posters all over her bedroom wall of, but can recognize Eleanor Clader or Danielle Peazer from twenty feet away.
-no.-

71:  The ex is abusive.
-2 chapters into this and I suddenly understand why. I mean, seriously, dump his sorry ass, file a report on domestic violence or fucking sue him. But don’t wallow in self pity. Please.-

72: Why don’t girls in fanfics have their period?
Like are you pregnant or old?

73: STOP POPPING THE MOTHERFUCKING  P  !!!          

74: I was reading a fanfic and they called Harry’s penis a shaft and I literally thought they were talking about elevators

75: the way they make the characters act.
liam-sensible, scared or spoons
louis-childish(even tho hes like 20/21) immature, only wears stripes and toms and any other stereotype shit the boy has, obsessed with carrots. (where he  eats buckets of them, bro. he gonna turn orange in aminute)
harry~flirty, has curly hair, manwhore
zayn~bradford bad boiiii,like no.
niall~irishman, has blue’orbs’

76: Liam: Oh no, are you ok DO YOU NEED JESUS?!?! *pulls out random ass bible*

77: "I know what were doing today." Said Phineas running a hand up Ferbs thigh onto his- NO NOPE NO FUCK SHIT WHAT THE HELL NO NO FUCK NO.

78: "My back arched in pleasure." Are you possessed by Satan or…

79: "Lolz there’s Harreh Steels at Starbucks I’m going to go spillz coffee all over him so we fallz in love and I’ll have a baby dacrey Lol." Hell to the no.

80:

when any one direction fanfic’s main character is a girl who is a nerd, I want them to actually be a nerd.


I mean, I want them to know a lot. I want them to be smart, and ramble about something confusing yet intellectual. They should talk about things like comic books and how superman and spiderman aren’t the only great super heroes so why they should get multiple remakes of movies. They should be able to ramble about things like science and math, or the writing process or things of that nature. If you’re gonna portray a nerdy character do it right. I’m getting tired of these “nerds” who only look like nerds with big hipster glasses and their hair put in up dos that can only be used to characterize nerds but can’t give a basic explanation of who Marie Curie was and how she benefited the scientific community or how to bull crap an essay and get a perfect score every time.

81: I’m sorry but when you find out you’re pregnant to an abusive harry styles you don’t act all calm and collected about it… And another thing… PREGNANCY TESTS DON’T FUCKING BEEP! -_- dumb fanfic moments i tell ya…

82: title has nothing to do with story

83: i’m best friends with ed sheeran and he introduced me to harry styles he likes me because i’m quirky and different

84:my boyfriend gets along with my parents but they don’t realize he’s a drug dealing pimp who will get me into 64 life threatning situations

85:my incredibly hot teacher wants to date me no i can’t do this it’s wrong

86: 'm going to walk around the city alone at night and then be shocked when i get robbed but happy this band member will rescue me

87:he positioned himself at my entrance

88:  wow that boy is so cute let me just spill my coffee all over him

89: i’ve been gone for 3 days with him and neither of our parents have asked where we were

90: ugh my dad is marrying the mother of this very hot yet mean boy from my school

91:my name is valenzuela karina rodriguez lopez martinez and i have blonde hair and blue eyes

92: he has been my best friend since we were born but has always thought of me as a little sister yet we still somehow end up having sex

93: OKAY SO MY SISTER READS ALOT OF FANFICTIONS AND THEYRE ALL FUCKING STUPID ALL OF THEM ARE LIKE EACH OTHER LIKE WHY THE FUCKING HELL DOES HARRY SMIRK 24/7 UR TRYING TO MAKE HIM OUT AS A FUCKING RAPIST IS THAT IT?? AND ZAYN TALKS LIKE HES A FUCKING PROPHET THAT NOT ONLY PROMOTES RELIGION BUT PROMOTES THE LITTLE MIX ALBUM LIKE GET THE FUCK OVER IT ITS NOT FUCKING FUNNY ANYMORE AND NIALL EATS LIKE A STARVING CHILD FROM GHANA WHAT THE HELL CRAWLED UP UR ASS AND TOLD U HE EATS LIKE THAT AGAIN GET THE FUCKING HELL OVER IT IT WAS A JOKE IS NOT FUNNY ANYMORE PERIOD OH AND SPEAKING OF PERIODS THEY ALWAYS SEEM TO MAKE PERIOD JOKE WHEN THE GIRL IS ON HER PERIOD LIKE LEAVE THE POOR GIRL ALONE HER VAGINA IS BLEEDING U DONT WANNA MESS WITH HER BUT IN THE END U END UP MAKING OUT SO SO FUCKING WHAT RIGHT SHE SEEMS TO NEVER BE MAD AT U EXCEPT FOR WHEN U CHEAT WHAT THE HELL AND APPARENTLY LOUIS SCREAMS ALL THE TIME AND LOVES CARROTS UM NO BITCH NO U DONT JUST FUCKING GIVE LOUIS CARROTS AND EXPECT HIM TO SCCREAM AND SHIT JUST NO AND IN EVERY FANFIC ITS EITHER LIAMS A PRUDE OR THE EXAACT FUCKING OPPOSITE AND WHEN IT COMES TO THE BEST PART WHICH IS THEM HAVING SEX THE WRITER HAS TO BE FUCKIJG ANNOYING AND SAY “U KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT” NWELL U KNOW WHAT FUCK U AND WHY IS THE GIRL ALWAYS PRETTY AND SKINNY AND RLLY WHITE I AM SO DONE WITH WHITE PEOPLE AND IS ALWAYS IN A MESSY BUN LIKE WHAT THE FUCK AND HARRY ALWAYS CHEATS AND ZAYN CHECKS HIMSELF HIMSELF OUT EVERY 5 SECS LIKE WHAT IS WRONG WITH U AND THEY SOMEHOW MANAGE TO REMAKE MOVIES OR SERIES TO ONE DIRECTION LIKE WHY IM SORRY BUT THIS IS MY RANT ABOUT FANFICTIONS

 94: "His eyes were full of lust"

95: the music starts and I black out as the boys walk onto the stage

okay so I just woke up and omgzzz im backstage and the boys are all lookin at me.

"sorry" I say lol.

"r u okay harry says as he walks over and strokes my hear lovingly.

yes am fine thank you hazza lol love your music'

"I love you' says harry

"oh harry.. I've always loved you"

the next day me and harry be in a nandos holdnin hands and eating.. chicken

"harry I have to tell yiu something..im..preg"

'oh noes" harry say

"harry, you okay?"

Harry punched me in the stomach and got up and left.

96: how dafuq is a man supposed to get prego

like are they gonna pop a baby outta their dick?wut?

97:          

Will someone please explain to me how it is physically possible to be fucking a girl while simultaneously sucking on her clit?

Pretty sure that is not humanly possible unless you do not have a spine or ribs.

98:

yoo werrre walking down the streat to da locul cofee shop. you entur the shop and axsidentally bump into a tall boi. he looks familur but yoo cant puut yor fingur on it. his chocklit curls frame his face and his green orbz pierce you. he looks like jesus. wen yoo bumpd in2 him his cofee spilled on his shurt. you say “oh mah god im so sorreee111!!!11!!1! let me bye u a new on!1111!!!!11!!” he sez, “its fyne. do you want some cofee, lemme buy you sum.” you say yes and yoo sit at a taybul. he sez, “im harreh styuhls. whats yor name?” “my name is rainbow sparkle unicorn glittery twilight the third. but you can call me anna.” you sey. “well ok anna wood yoo like to come to mai flat hear in americuh???//?//?” “shore” you say. without even asking your parents, yoo go to some stranger boy’s house. when yoo walk in, harreh pooshes you agasnts da wall and kisses yoo ruffly. “anna im so hard for yoo right now.” then you have secks and he cums all ova yo fayce. a few hours l8r yoo go to your dr appointtement. “dr, i ve been throwing up, getting head akes and i missed mai perioudd. am i preggo?” da dr says “yes.” “OH NO!!111!!!1 WAT DOO I DOOO?!?!?!!?!?!?” “tell yo bf, he may no wat to do.” you go bak to harrehs flat. b4 u can say anything he says “anna will you moove in with me in britian?  my flite is tooday,..” “ohkey” u sey. you then catch a flite with hairry and live in his flat. finally when you get dere, you say… “harry im preggers.” harrys gasps, but ses “i knew dis was cumming. i hav too leave yoo. i dont want your stioopid kid” you cry for ten milllion days. then soon you wakee up and scrreem. e”MY WATERS BROKE!!!!11!!” yoo rush to the hospital on foot. you cross ten brdges, too oceans, and a desert and get to the hospital. wen u get there, yoo c harry. “HARRY WHAT ARE YOO DOOIN HERE?!?!?!?!?” “im giving burth too. im half seahorse, so i can get pregnant as well.” you gasp. “but myy baby will dye cuz im not full seahors. but im looking forwardd to seein our baby come out.” you smiyuhl and kiss his soft,  pink leeps. you then give birth siiting on the bench. ‘oops musta popped out!” you say. “shes byootifuhl.” harry ses. “ik. ” yoo cry and then say, “lets nayme her plant seahorse glitter star creampuff flower child, but we kehn call her darcy.” “thats a byootiful name ” sez harreh, who is also crying. “i am suuch a proud fatherrr.”

yoo both go home happee. the next dai u go to da dr again to mayke shore everying is okeh aftur da burth. he gaspsss and sez you have lookhemia! he rushes yoo to da hospital wit harry who magically appeers with his seahorse power. he holds your hand and crys. you get in a stretchur and die. harry cryes. darcy is in his hands. WhYYYY he screems.

DA END

99: The stories where one of the boys sexually “punishes” the main girl for cheating on him are really really stupid. That doesn’t happen! When a girl cheats on her boyfriend, let’s say she cheats on Zayn with Niall, Zayn won’t fucking “shove her into a wall and growl ‘I need to teach you a lesson’ and then fucks her senseless” like are you stupid? What will actually happen is he would get fucking angry and he will dump her slutty ass, not get ferociously turned on and fuck her hard and call it “punishment.” When i read those, no, I don’t get turned on, I just automatically assume the author is a dumb horny 13 year old bitch who doesn’t know how to write stories.

100: “I hate one direction!”Next day they have sex with them.

I GOT MOST OF THIS ON TUMBLR! I HOPE YOU DONT MIND. IM EXCITED IM FINALLY ON 100! YAY!

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