The Report

Social Experiment No. 65: the last attempt by scientists to unravel the limits of the human mind in the age of freedom and the ever expanding universe. Since birth, Eliza Stuart was locked into the four walls of her own fabricated home with only her mother for company. As far as Eliza knows, that is the universe.
'The Report' is small selection of daily reports which have been gathered and collated as the last surviving documents in the experiment, and these slowly reveal Eliza's life, the lies she is fed, and how ultimately, you can never shut off one human mind from the universe. For the Might there be more than this? competition. 3892 words. Cover VERY kindly made for me by Luke J.R :)

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SEIZED AS EVIDENCE ON 06/04/2014

Henry,

I can't take this any more. It's simple, really. A new world, you said, a new life, a new universe. You said it was better and I believed you. It's not your fault, it's really not. I guess it was good for me to break down those walls and barriers which were slowly crumbling away.

I like it, the outside world. There's so much colour and noise and life. I thought maths was everything: that and an annoying mother. You also showed me what people are like: how they can be fun, loving, bad and good.

But every now and then something within me screams. It's like that moment when I stepped out of your front door for the first time. That time when I saw the sky.

Everything just dropped away. Nothingness. The problem is that I have never stopped falling. I feel like I'm falling now, like there's nothing left tying me down.

Shapes. They make sense. They have walls, confines, formulae. What's the formula for gravity? You could never tell me. No one could.

My world makes sense. Yours doesn't. But that doesn't matter: how was my world mine anyway? It was made for me, run by other people and I was used. I don't really know what freedom is, trapped in that head of mine. Now I'm simply falling and I can't stop.

It's always been there, that feeling. That gnawing suffocation, as if my mind simply knew there had to be something else, something I was hidden from. It's human nature, to ask questions. I'd been taught not to, but that didn't stop that crazy brain of mine.

I never told you about the first time I asked about the walls. I must have been about five or six. I'd tripped over a chair which had caught on a table which caught on a wall socket. It was ripped off, the socket, badly installed. My mum hardly noticed, and the next day it was fixed. But I sat there for ten minutes afterwards, nursing my bruised knee and staring at the wall. I could see a wire: it stuck out from the wall, ripped out. But I could see further, just an inch or so. Just an inch into the wall, an inch beyond what I thought was reality.

I like the fact that I've found this new universe. It's amazing, the sheer, frightening size of it all, and how small we are. Seven billion people! I am one in seven billion. Now that's an awesome fraction.

I would have liked to have seen the rest of your world, I really would. You could have taken me to see all those countries: Asia, Africa, America, Antarctica. But you couldn't because that's the problem. This is your world, I'll never truly belong. All I want is my world back; my four walls, my tiny mind. But that's gone. What has happened is irreversible and my world has been destroyed in a short month with you.

I don't belong anywhere. I never have. That's why I'm falling.

So can you see that it's not your fault? Believe me when I say I owe you more than you can imagine. You've made me happy for a short while. I didn't know what happiness was before. Now I know both happiness and pain: I'm just sorry that I was weak enough to succumb to the second.

I'm hoping that somehow, by doing this I might find somewhere else. Somewhere that's mine. A world I can truly fit into. I'm sorry it's like this.

You once told me of the saying 'a fish out of water'. See, wouldn't you want the fish to find a pond and jump straight back in?

I'm sorry. I really am. I don't know how to say goodbye and this is the best I've been able to do so far.

Perhaps, one day, when you feel your life is gloomy and meaningless, go outside one evening. Look to the sky and remember how I marvelled at that sight, how those stars could, to one girl, be more than the mind could possibly cope with, such was its wonder. Remember. And somewhere, a long way away, I can remember you.

Yours,

Eliza

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