Hurt

Jennifer isn't the type of girl with natural beauty you read about in fairy tales and see in movies. She's very self conscious when she's away from home because of the things she's been through, the things that no one knows about. Who knew that one day, she would end up telling someone these deep, dark secrets? And who knew, that all this would happen because she crossed paths with the famous boy band, One Direction?

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Well I told my mom about the offer. At first she was really angry and said absolutely not and told my dad about it, because they said it was dangerous to go alone and stuff like that. But then they called the numbers given in the email, and I told them I really wanted to go and that I could ask my teachers to let me take all my finals early so I wouldn't have to skip them. It took them the longest time to discuss it, and I definitely don't blame them. I mean, even I'm scared to fly out on my own; I've never done it before, and my parents can't come with me since both of them have so many deadlines and absolutely can't make time for me. 

After making several phone calls and long discussions, my mom finally called me into the kitchen. She sighed and said, "So your father and I decided to let you go. But only if you call us constantly and webcam us. This makes us really worried, but they said they'll have people there to watch over you and take you out to eat and things, so we don't really have to worry. You have to be really careful, okay?" 

I started smiling uncontrollably and nodded, "OKAY! THANKS MOMMY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH." 

I know I seemed really happy about it but it honestly does make me pretty nervous, since I've never really gone out of the country before, besides going to China several times (yeah that sounds really really asian but it's true). 

Genuine Fashion& Co. said they'll be mailing me the plane tickets and to contact them when I got it, and to list any specific needs for food, drinks, etc. I stated that I was vegetarian and that I would prefer to be served vegan food. I was starting to get really really nervous, but I told myself to calm down since it's still so far away. My family was still shocked by this offer, but they'll get used to it. Especially my brother, Jeff. He's really surprised and I made him promise me to respond to all my messages while I'm there, since I'll get lonely and need someone to talk to. 

Now I have to tell my friends. I had to decide carefully about who to tell, since I didn't want it to get out. That would just add to my problems, to have people talking about me going to England and making me sound more like a horribly person probably because they're jealous or they just hate me. Or both. 

I texted my closest friends Mandy, Minnie, Leon, Jeremy, Tina, and even the "best friend" who abandoned me, Esther. I mean, it's not like I hate her, I was just constantly really hurt, and I think she was part of the cause for my depression a couple years ago. I feel lonely most of the time, but I told myself to brighten up because things were going to get better.

Of course, they all congratulated me and couldn't believe I actually got this amazing offer, but I made them swear to not tell anyone else because I really didn't want it to get out. I trusted them, so I knew it wasn't going to get out. I honestly kind of wanted to brag about it to the "popular people" who looked down on me, but I knew that wouldn't have ended well, and reminded myself to stay humble and modest. 

 

 

 

The next day of school went a lot better for me, since the idea of doing a photoshoot in England still wasn't out of my head.

(Jennifer's chilly but happy day outfit: http://www.polyvore.com/getting_chilly/set?id=97193207) 

I mean, how could it be? I do annual photoshoots for my dance school, but that's completely different compared to this. It's like being a model! When the email mentioned "unique smile" it reminded me of when I was 10 years old, and a lady came up to me and my mom, gave us her business card and said she wanted me to go audition for a Disney commercial and maybe do more from there. Mom thought I was too young so she never called her back. Thank goodness I didn't go, what if I actually made it? My teeth were sooo messed up back then; I literally just got my braces off a couple months ago, and started using whitening strips. After getting my braces off, my confidence shot up and I reminded myself that I am beautiful every day. I'm just glad my life is finally normal now. I mean, sure, I don't have the most friends, and I don't get 200 likes on my profile picture like the popular girls do, but I do know a lot of people and some of them are friendly to me. Not to mention I have my amazing friends who stayed by my side; What does it matter if I'm not their first choice? I'm so grateful to have them.

Well now the waiting begins! For December to come. It seems so far away, it's only mid-September. But I can't wait for the holiday season.. I absolutely love it. Not just the presents during Christmas, but the whole happy feeling in the air during Thanksgiving where everybody is grateful for each other, and the cold, wet weather of the Christmas season, the seasonal music played in malls, how beautiful the lights look everywhere, I love all of it. 

Hopefully I can get my middle splits down before December for dance. It's really embarrassing, since I've literally been dancing for 7 years now and I can't do my middle splits. I can do both my front ones and my kicks and back are really good, but I still just can't go down in my middle splits! I'm starting to wonder if it's even physically possible... Well it better be because I have to impress my dance teachers so I qualify for a classical dance next year in September for my solo. Classical dances are usually by far the hardest dances to do and it takes a lot of skill, but they're also the most beautiful, so I'm determined to succeed. I can't wait until I tell my piano teacher and dance teachers about going to England, they'll be so happy for me! Wow, this is really sad, I'm closer to my teachers than most people at school.. 

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