Hurt

Jennifer isn't the type of girl with natural beauty you read about in fairy tales and see in movies. She's very self conscious when she's away from home because of the things she's been through, the things that no one knows about. Who knew that one day, she would end up telling someone these deep, dark secrets? And who knew, that all this would happen because she crossed paths with the famous boy band, One Direction?

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12. Worthless.

 

"Beauty queen of only eighteen, she, had some trouble with herself. He was always there to help her, she, always belonged to someone els-"

 

This was probably the third time my alarm sounded this morning. I finally decided to open my eyes and turn off the alarm. 

7:00 am

Why do I keep waking up so early lately? I literally haven't slept in the entire time I've been in England. I took my laptop and sat up in bed, propping it up on my lap. I opened my Tumblr and did some blogging. As I scrolled down my dashboard quickly and mindlessly, a picture caught my eye. I went back up to get a closer look of it and saw that it was an extremely high quality photo of me, Harry, Niall, and Louis walking out of the movie theater. I remember this moment, Liam and Zayn were right behind us. Leaning closer to the computer screen, I noticed that Harry had his arm around my shoulder.

When did this happen?

Then I remembered. I shivered in the afternoon yesterday because it was getting dark after the movie and Harry asked if I was cold. I nodded but couldn't respond because my teeth were chattering too hard, so Harry put his arm around my shoulder and rubbed it. Then he proceeded to ask if I was feeling better and I wasn't, but I told him I was anyway so he wouldn't have to worry about me.

Woah, the picture had 27,981 notes. That means 25,000 people, more or less, have seen the photo and knew what I looked like. Is this what it feels like to be famous? I looked at the comments on the picture.

"Harry is so cute ugH I CaN'T"

"Wait, who's the girl?"

"DUDE HE HAS HER ARM AROUND HER IF YOU LOOK CLOSE ENOUGH WTF"

"WAIT REALLY?? WHO IS THAT GIRL OMFG WAIT SHE'S ASIAN"

My heart started to speed up. What was wrong with me being Asian? Do these people hate me now? I reminded myself not to jump to conclusions, but this was pretty disturbing. Any how I tried not to let it bother me.  

I yawned and decided to get out of bed, seeing it was still a little rainy outside and dark, so I should be up to enjoy it in case this kind of weather disappeared soon. I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth, wash my face, all that morning jazz. My hair was still clean from yesterday, so I just left it down. I smiled at the thought of yesterday; so many people would've killed to be in my position. After my morning routine, I realized that I'd run out of toothpaste. I groaned because I still needed to last a week, so I had to go to a convenience store and buy more toothpaste. I wanted to pick out an outfit, but I didn't know if I was doing anything with Olivia today, so I put it off for later. For now I'd just wear something slouchy and comfy, but not too much like a hobo. 

I decided to wear leggings again, but this time two layers because I wore one layer yesterday and I was freezing. Over that I threw on a cute, oversized hoodie and I went to go do my makeup. After that I opened my door to walk out, when I saw Liam. walking towards the elevator. He saw me, smiled, and waved.

"Morning, Jennifer!" I smiled back at him and said, "Good morning, Liam," 

"What're you doing up so early in the morning?" 

"I don't know, I don't usually wake up this morning but I need to find a place to buy toothpaste, haha. What about you? Going anywhere?"

"I was about to go for a walk but I can take you to the closest corner store if you want, it's like four streets down,"

I grinned and said surprisingly, "Really? You would take me?" Liam nodded and replied, "Of course! Let's go, you'd probably get lost if you went by yourself," I rolled my eyes and we walked out of the elevator together. The doorman nodded good morning to us and opened big glass door, while I took in the big group of about 30 screaming girls. 

"OH MY GOD LIAM I LOVE YOU!"

"MARRY ME"

"CAN I GET A PICTURE?"

"OH MY GOD IT'S LIAM PAYNE GUYS HE CAME OUT"

"LIAM CAN YOU SIGN MY ARM?"

I stood there on the stairs while Liam went down to be nice to his fans, and I decided maybe it was a good idea for me to just go alone, I wouldn't want fans chasing Liam down. None of his fans acknowledged me anyway. Although some of the fans in the back who couldn't reach Liam were looking at me and whispering to each other, so I assumed some of them recognized me. I smiled awkwardly at them and looked down, while quietly making my way away from the crowd. Suddenly, I heard someone yell, "HEY BITCH!" in a loud, high voice.

I looked up, and right as I lifted my head I saw something fly towards my face and crack. I reacted quick enough to flinch and turn my head away, but then a horrible smell came over me and a cold, gooey substance ran down the side of my face. I took my shaking hands out of my pocket slowly and touched my face, and brought it to my eyes. 

Someone just threw an egg at me.

Stop Jennifer. Pull yourself together and look up. Who did this to you? Don't break down here, you're not that weak.

Suddenly I felt overwhelmed with embarrassment, anger, and sadness. I looked up and yelled into the direction where the egg came flying, "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?"

The crowd of girls were silent for a second, then I began to hear multiple remarks being shouted at me.

"Ugly whore!"

"Chink! Go back to Japan!"

"Stay away from Harry!"

"You're so fat it's disgusting! Leave! What are you even doing here? Nobody likes you!"

That last one hit home with me, and I was so done. I turned around and ran back into the hotel. 

"Wait! Jennifer!" Liam called after me. I heard him silently mutter angrily at his fans but he didn't yell at them, probably because he didn't want to hurt them. As I pushed through the door, I bumped head first into Niall, with Harry next to him. They saw the egg in my hair and asked worriedly, "Jennifer! What happened? Are you alright?" I couldn't hold back my tears anymore so I blinked them away furiously, despite them already running down my face. Harry grabbed both my shoulders and tried to look into my eyes, but I pushed him away angrily and said, "I'm fine,"

I ran into the elevator (thank goodness it was empty), and he ran after me but he reacted too slowly, so the doors closed before he got inside. Once I got to my floor I looked over the center balcony to see what they were doing, and I saw Harry trying to catch the next elevator and Niall outside talking with Liam. I was so upset. I ran back into my room and slammed the door behind me. 

Why did this happen to me? Someone just threw an egg at me and multiple people just shouted horrible insults at me. What did I do to deserve this? Was I really fat? Did nobody really like me? Was what happened a couple years ago not enough? Where did I go wrong? Why me?

I cried into my pillow but got egg white all over it, with some yolk too. I went to the bathroom and stuck my head under the faucet, trying to wash it out. It was disgusting. I heard Harry pounding on my door, yelling things like, "Jennifer! Open the door please!" or "I'm so sorry, please talk to me! Are you okay?" I know this wasn't his fault, but I was just so angry in the moment and frustrated, not to mention so upset at myself for not being good enough for his fans to like me even as his friend. I felt so worthless and hated. I've been bullied before, but nobody has ever thrown food at me. It was the wrong thing to do, but I ignored him. I mean, he's Harry Styles. He doesn't have time for an average girl like me, he has better things to do. In a couple minutes he'll just give up and leave. Why should he waste his time on me? I stayed in the bathroom and held back tears while trying to wash the egg out of the patch of my hair.

Soon enough I gave up and just drenched my entire head of hair with the water, and dried it with a towel. I looked into the mirror and examined the black streaks of tear-diluted eyeliner that ran down my cheeks. I felt a lump form in my throat as I thought, my too-chubby and fat cheeks. I slowly tilted my head down and rolled up my sleeves, looking at my wrist. A wave of bad memories came across my thoughts, and I shook them away before I let my emotions get the best of me. But the bad thoughts wouldn't stop.

You're so fat. You're disgusting. You're ugly. Nobody likes you. Nobody needs you, you're worthless. Why are you even here? Kill yourself. You're a whore. You don't deserve happiness.

I buried my head in my hands and whimpered, curling up into a ball against the cold bathroom wall. My fists remained clenched as I tried to give myself a pep talk. The one I had to keep giving myself over the past couple years when nobody helped. When nobody even knew I needed help. The pep talk that I helped myself with, because the only person I had was myself. 

Pull yourself together. Don't go there. You don't deserve it. Don't let people you don't know tell you you're not good enough, you've been through enough shit in the past to know it's not true. Stay strong. Don't do this. You yourself know you never want to go back to where you were a couple years ago. Stop.

I inhaled deeply and exhaled a shaky breath after crying. I wiped my cheeks and took off my makeup that I didn't get to impress anyone with. After flinging my body onto the bed, all I did was stare at the ceiling. I didn't want to ever leave my room, and there are still hours before Olivia woke up probably. I closed my eyes and forgot the world for a moment. Fuck this and everything.

 

 

*Author's Note:*

Hi guys! This is my first time talking to you but I'm considering deleting this Movella. I wasn't sure if anyone was reading it or wanted me to update, so if you see this and you actually like it, please do comment and tell me! Or else I'll think nobody is reading it or cares anyway haha. Anyway, I hope some of you will actually comment, that would mean a lot to me and only takes a couple seconds (': Sorry for the depressing chapter by the way, but things definitely get sweeter later on! 

Love,

jellybelly_ 

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